Christ and I 基督与我

The Eternal Word/永恒的道

2011-06-17T23:05:00.009+08:00

Embedded is the audio of a song that my husband and I had made for our musicians so that they can perform this song at our wedding last year in order to lead our guests in worship. The original author and composer of this song is unknown. Below are the original lyrics, romanised pronunciation as well as rough translation of each stanza.

太初有道, 道与上帝同在,
tai chu you dao, dao yu shang di tong zai
这道就是上帝
zhe dao jiu shi shang di
诸天万物借这道被创造,
zhu tian wan wu jie zhe dao bei chuang zao
生命从道涌流出来
sheng ming cong dao yong liu chu lai

(Rough translation: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. Through Him, all things were made.)

这道成肉身名字叫耶稣,
zhe dao cheng rou shen ming zi jiao ye su
来到世上成为奴仆,
lai dao shi shang cheng wei nu pu
经历了人生一切的痛苦,
jing li le ren sheng yi qie de tong ku
唯要叫世人得救赎
wei yao jiao shi ren de jiu shu

(Rough translation: The Word became flesh, named Jesus, He came as a servant. Going through life's trials and pains, with the goal of bringing redemption to mankind.)

永恒的道为我们而来,
yong heng de dao wei wo men e lai
祂原是宇宙万物主宰
ta yuan shi yu zou wan wu zhu zai
永恒的道为我们而来,
yong heng de dao wei wo men e lai
你叫我怎能不悔改
ni jiao wo zhe neng bu hui gai

(Rough translation: The Eternal Word - the Lord of life came for us, how can I not repent?)

Captivated by Love

2010-04-06T11:18:00.007+08:00

[Inspired by a short MSN conversation with PP]

3 weeks into married life and I'm so touched by all that my dear had done for me because "he adores you" (in the words of PP.) I realise I'm quite xiaojie plus I'm now living at his parents' place which makes for huge adaptation issues. But my dear's being absolutely accomodating in all my requests and in trying to find out how to get living arrangements done at his house.

I perceive though that he's so busy serving me, he doesn't realise that he's tired. This led me to think and consider what I can be doing so that I can lessen his burden. At this point in time, this is my personal response to the deep, devoted love my dear had for me.

It was at this point that I realise what it should be between Christ and His believers.

Christ's love for us is so much more than the (very deep, devoted) human love that my dear had for me. He so love us that He gave up His life for us so that we can have eternal life. I am also sure that all believers who know that Christ is God will be able to recall personal episodes when Christ has taken personal care of us in our daily lives. For all believers, He loves us and "will work for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purposes."

The main question we answer in living our lives as beloved believers is: With our hearts captivated by His love, how are we responding to Him?

Taste the Lord for He is good

2009-12-20T11:06:00.004+08:00

Recently, I was very much saddened when talking with a sister-in-christ, she shares from her heart, "I don't think I'm good enough to be blessed by God."

I am also partly angry (not with my sister-in-christ, but with Satan) because it is in operation from half-truths, and it keeps His people from feeling His joy.

The truth in that sentence is that no one is good enough to deserve God and to deserve Jesus.

"There is no one righteous, not even one;
there is no one who understands,
no one who seeks God." (Rom 3:10-11)

But that's us, our fallibles from our human strengths. We will try, and we will fail. Even as we strive, our being longs to do the opposite of His will and to sin. And in our inheritance from Adam, we are all cursed because of our sin and all cursed and condemned.

But that is not our God of Love. Even as we struggle and fail, He reaches out to us and wants to save us. We are righteous, not because of what we do or not do, we are righteous because of His Son on the cross. He died, so that all our sin and evil, of all that we've done or not done, whether in the past, present or future, has been atoned for. And He also rose bodily, to show us the new Hope of what the Father had destined for His Sons and Daughters. We simply place our faith in His Son that we have become God's Sons and Daughters because of what Jesus had done for us.

And because of what He has done, we inherit His promises:

"God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." (Rom 8:28-30)

He has also said:
""My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons." God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:5-7; 10-11)

His will is to bless those who are His Sons and Daughters, and though sometimes life may not turn out the way we will and want, that's not to say that He does not will to bless us. Perhaps He wills to bless us through these tribulations? In ways we do not yet know or can imagine?

So:

"Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." (Ps 34:3-8)

A Christian's place in Human Resource Development

2009-11-29T08:44:00.002+08:00

Human Resource Development (HRD) holds at its heart humanistic assumptions. One fundamental assumption is that humans are inherently good

This is incompatible with the Christian worldview that "There is no one righteous, no not one" (Rom 3:10). Does the fact that we believe that humans are fundamentally sinful mean that Christians cannot or should not function in HRD?

First of all, the judgement of good is not from one person to another. Rather the judgement is by God (who is infinitely good - holy) to man. By His standards, we are not good.

Knowing that the "Wages of sin is death" (Rom 6:23), He however does not simply just bask in His holiness and allow us to languish. He "so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16). He did not do this just so that humans will be declared righteous, but also "because you (Jesus) were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. ou have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God..." (Rev 5: 9-10). That is the greatest intervention anyone can make to 'help people become better' (Understood fully, this phrase is probably the understatement of world history.)

And so we are called "to be holy as I (God) am holy" (1 Pet 3:16). He did not leave His disciples (and I pray I am one of them) alone though, "the Counsellor, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my (Jesus') name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." (John 14:26) Our ultimate Developer "lives with you and will be in you." (John 14:17)

All these include human development in processes and actions.

But as disciples, we are not called to simply develop ourselves. We are also called to be salt and light in the world. (Matthew 5:13-14). Ideally, it's to prevent decay from sin and bring about God's goodness. Isn't the aim of Human Development to help people to become the best that they have the potential to be? (And from the Christian argument, hasn't God shown the greater vision and imposed the more rigourous standards than what any man has devised?)

So though Christians can differ in our beliefs in this fundamental difference, it doesn't mean that Christians cannot and should not be in the field of HRD. In fact, in the ideal situation (where alot of Christians including myself have failed by God's standards in), we are all called to "Love your neighbour as yourself." (Matt 22:39). These will necessarily include interventions that will help our fellow people to become better - necessary Human Development functions, with our hearts being driven by love.

History also attest to how ordinary Christians, being driven by this heart of love, have helped bring about better human conditions and education. William Wilberforce took forceful actions to lead to the lawful abolition of the Slave Trade; St Margaret's School remains the legacy of Maria Dyer, a missionary who opened the school to give orphan girls a chance for free education; Bishop William Fitzjames Oldham provided the male counterpart in Anglo-Chinese School to get boys off the streets.

From the way I see it, there's nothing in our belief system that should prevent our involvement in HRD, rather the bigger question is are we driven enough by God's love to do it well enough?

The "Dead Sea Scrolls" Exhibition

2009-08-30T21:00:00.002+08:00

On hearing that the "Dead Sea Scrolls" exhibition is in town, I was eager to view it and was doubly excited when my SO repeatedly reminded me about the exhibition and sought to confirm that we would be visiting it over the weekend (as if I needed any reminder!)

I had expected it to be a historical, factual tour and it was that. The unexpected and wonderful gift and bonus was that it was also a faith-building experience.

First the discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls in 1948 which had previously belonged to an isolationistic Qumran jewish sect. They were dated to be within 100 years of Jesus' death and resurrection. They contained fragments of the scrolls on which the Old Testament was written in their original hebrew, and in which scholars painstakingly pieced together over 60 years. They confirmed that the Old Testament text, from which legitimate bible societies now translate from into our own languages, is the same as the text that was read by the original Israelites of old. Miraculously, the fragments came from all the different books in the OT (except for the Book of Esther.) Even more amazingly, a whole scroll containing the Book of Isaiah is intact. This is consistent with Isaiah 55:11

"...so is My word that goes out from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

Next the miraculous passion in varied individuals in various parts of Europe to translate the word of God from its original Hebrew and Greek into their own tongues. Up till 400A.D, the bible was translated into 160 languages, however, from 500 A.D, the bible could only be available in 1 language, which was in Latin (not even the "native" tongue of the originals.)

However, in 1510s, an amazing thing happened, varied individuals, who do not know each other initially, felt the call to translate the bible into their own language - an illegal activity punishable by cruel torment and death, normally burnt at the stake as a heretic. And so heroes sprang forth - Martin Luther (who had initially purposed for internal changes, not an external separation) for the German bible, William Tyndale for the English bible (and who created the modern English language in the process), Casiodoro de Reina in Spanish, many of them matyred in the process. It reminded me about Jesus' word:

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

All these enabled by the timely invention of the movable-type printing press! Though Gutenberg's primarily purpose appears to be for profit (as mentioned by some resource on the internet), it was the invention that enabled the mass production of the bible.

It is illuminating to see for myself evidences of how God Himself protected and enabled to transmission of knowledge of Himself to all nations. The scrolls, the bibles right there, one of which could be felt and touched directly awed me as to the finality of God's purposes and will and on how He had enabled men to do the work He had purposed in His good timing despite men's militancy and suppression for their own agendas. How great and glorious is our God!

Where intellect and religion meets...

2009-08-05T16:45:00.001+08:00

A Skeptical View of Theism

"The bible - a love letter from God..."

2009-07-21T16:49:00.003+08:00

"It's not just an academic book we explore, study and memorise, it is about holding Him (the Word of God) close to our hearts..." - from my SO

More similarities than differences?

2009-07-21T16:06:00.003+08:00

My SO and I came from different churches both of which is widely perceived to be very different in terms of their philosophies and understanding about Jesus' promises. So, I'd guess it's natural that when my SO and I were in our early courtship days, many concerns perpetually run through my mind.

"How Christian is he?"
"Is he worshipping the true Jesus? Or is He fellowshipping with a Jesus I don't know?"
"Is he someone I can trust to lead me spiritually? Or will I have a bigger than usual struggle in learning to submit to him?"

This struggle is not helped by the fact that within the whole body of class, many different congregations (read churches) have very varied practices and understandings which results in different practices. Adding to this confusion is a number aberrent organisations which also teaches about Jesus but who corrupts the gospel He brings.

However, if my and my SO's experiences together could be any sort of reliable barometer, it does appear that believers who value God's word actually have more important similarities than differences in life applications. So far in our conversations, it appears to include:

1) Worship of God as a matter and response of the heart
2) The purpose of dating/courtship
3) The handling of finances in marriage
4) The place of children in marriage
5) Enjoying God and His gifts
6) The importance of Christian fellowship
7) The intention to honour our parents (without worshipping them.)
and many others (I'm simply listing these from off the top of my head.)

Where we do differ, are (in my opinion) areas of relatively lesser importance, these include:
1) The place of suffering in a Christian's life
2) The figurative vs literal nature of God's blessings and how that manifests itself in our lives
3) The partnership between God's effort and our effort in our sanctification process and how it should actually work out in our lives.

For purposes of determining a person basic doctrinal beliefs, you may find this link: http://www.carm.org/christianity/christian-doctrine/theological-test useful. I remember the time before we date when I had subjected him to this test... keke....

But much more than the model answers a person can regurgitate in answering the question, I guess the heart of the matter, is the matter of the heart. After the foundation of ascertaining wheter the person is in relationship with the right Jesus, it is really about how much he/she reveres the Person, places faith in the promises and seeks (mainly through the bible) the will of Jesus.

Interesting article on the first few years of marriage

2009-06-11T17:33:00.000+08:00

Newlywed Ambush: http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/1999/spring/9m1018.html

Days of Elijah

2009-03-29T02:22:00.001+08:00

How Beautiful Video by Twila Paris

2009-03-29T02:04:00.002+08:00

With special emphasis on matyred missionaries

Can be accessed by the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rd7WrJlS6OA

And acapella version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixRXAcM57bE

God of Wonders video

2009-03-29T01:40:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CBNE25rtnE

"There is a fountain filled with blood" and "It is well with my soul"

2009-03-28T12:49:00.004+08:00

My dear's and my favourite song respectively.

"There is a Fountain Filled with Blood", by William Cowper, 1772

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-cY5vO0W0M
Interesting background to the song: http://www.truthinhistory.org/there-is-a-fountain-filled-with-blood.html

"It is well with my soul", by hymnist Horatio Spafford and composed by Philip Bliss, 1873

From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSXzDiGpYZ8&NR=1
Interesting background to the song: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Is_Well_With_My_Soul

Video on "The Change" by Steven Curtis Chapman

2009-03-28T12:05:00.003+08:00

Up to the middle of the video, I thought I was looking at a video made by an extremist. The images of hate, of violence, of persecution done in God's name is sick, hateful and not glorifying to God. Is that what the author believes is done for God's glory?

Then as I reached the end, I realised it was done to illustrate the natural, spirit-filled change. Ultimately, a spirit-uplifting video that contrasts religosity, acts of hate with real, deep-seated changes that are powered and strengthened by the Holy Spirit.

From http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgpEwGoSLB8

Nice video of "How deep the Father's love for us"

2009-03-28T10:56:00.006+08:00

Well-thought through video, with appropriate bible verses for the lyrics and the lyrics complemented with appropriate images too. A good reminder of the finished work of Jesus Christ.

From http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrtgrU_uo9s

Atonement

2009-03-16T14:22:00.008+08:00

And he (Jesus) asked them (His disciples), "But who do you say that I am?" Peter answered him, "You are the Christ (Messiah, Saviour)." (Mark 8:29)

And he began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes and be killed, and after three days rise again. (Mark 8:31)

And it was the third hour when they crucified him. And the inscription of the charge against him read, "The King of the Jews." And with him they crucified two robbers, one on his right and one on his left. And those who passed by derided him, wagging their heads and saying, "Aha! You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself, and come down from the cross!" So also the chief priests with the scribes mocked him to one another, saying, "He saved others; he cannot save himself. Let the Christ, the King of Israel, come down now from the cross that we may see and believe." Those who were crucified with him also reviled him.

And when the sixth hour (noon) had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?" which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"... Jesus uttered a loud cry and breathed his last. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. (Mark 15:25-34; 37-38)

(Personal notes of talk)
It is obvious from the above that He does not save himself or others from the cross. Rather he saves by being rejected, being killed and then rising after that. The question then is that in that act, who does He saves, and what does He saves from?

Some professing Christians may protest that it is unfair that an innocent scapegoat had been found to take the punishment of another already convicted guilty, it is unjust. Why should He be punished for our own personal wrongs against God? But if we remember that Jesus is not just fully man, but fully God as well, it is actually God Himself taking the wrath and punishment (wages) of sin upon Himself.

Most great men are remembered because of their lives, Jesus is remembered because of why He had to die.

Note: Another take on this issue could be found here: "Why did Jesus cry out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?"" and "Why did Jesus have to die for our sins?"

At rest

2009-03-16T11:25:00.004+08:00

For a long time, I had felt unease about my relationship with SO. Although I had ascertained (to the best of my ability) that he is truly saved before going out with him, there had been this sense of niggling doubt whether I can really trust his headship and to depend on him spiritually. This heart of unrest had led to many sinful throwing of tantrums, whining, nagging and harsh, spontaneous and deliberate words designed to hurt and break the spirit - all on my part.

But all these changed after our personal bible study yesterday. And what is surprising is that this feeling of being at rest spiritually with him, comes from his respectful sharing of his discomfiture with my church after visiting it with me for nearly 2 years.

Note: These heartfelt comments had to be taken against the background that we both agree that my church is preaching God's Word. Heavily edited and summarised version of what he had said.

"The greater emphasis by your church is on what we *should* (emphasis mine) do, as believers in Christ. That is right, not wrong. However, what it has led to in me personally, is a focus on myself, my failings and to fear. And we know there is nothing we can do that will ever reach God's standard. What has helped me rather so far, is my awareness that Jesus is constantly present with me, and that He accepts me and whatever requests I bring to Him always. Then I am able to do what is preached in James, which is a natural response of faith in Him to be in me and constantly around me."

For some reason, despite the fact that he is not totally comfortable with my "spiritual home", his words laid to rest my worries about him leading me spiritually. Long and arduous may be our spiritual journey as we continue to discuss and debate the many, many differences in our understanding of His Word and how that should work in actual applications in our lives, but even this no longer matters.

For I know that Jesus is with us, as He is with him.

An adequate response

2008-08-16T11:20:00.004+08:00

"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." (1 Pet 3: 15-16)

Some time ago, I was having a very happy dinner with my friend. We were chatting happily, not really caring about the direction of the topic when I was suddenly aware of myself saying (I have no idea how I got there...)

"You know when I was not a Christian, I've always felt that Christians were myopic, narrow-minded people...."

And even as I was saying the above, I was aware that very soon I would be made to account for why I believe in Christ now, and sure enough....

"So why are you a Christian now?"

Silence, my mind was a blank. Eventually, I wheezed out, "Because I have experienced the love of Jesus, in dying on the cross for me...."

Which gave her the chance to say, "You know this theme of self-sacrifice is not unique to Christianity. In Buddhism, Buddha also gave himself up for mankind so that they can reach enlightenment..."

Hopefully, my wasting of a chance to talk about Christ can be your gain. Now that I have some time to think things through, I'd feel an adequate response would possibly contain these elements.

i) God is a holy God. Being holy, He cannot withstand any single intention or action that is against His fully good character.

ii) He made man to be in fellowship with Him. He intends for Man to rule the world under Him.

iii) However man is sinful, and wants to rebel against Him. We want to rule the world without Him. (Romans 3:10 "There is no one righteous, no not one...")

iv) "For the wages of sin is death..." (Romans 6:23) As a result, we are condemned, to be away from His presence forever.

v) "I am the way the truth the life. No one comes to the Father except through me..." (John 14:6) Belief in Jesus is the only way. "but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23)

vi) "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. " (Romans 10:9-10) When we put Jesus as Lord in our lives, our relationship with God is restored.

I believe, because I believe in the words of Jesus....

Anymore essential elements for an adequate response?

What Angels Long to know

2008-08-16T10:33:00.005+08:00

Very meaningful song by Steven Curtis Chapman. Part of the lyrics:

Angels Wish

Was God smiling when He spoke the word and made the world?
And did He cry about the flood?
What does God's voice sound like when He sings, when He's angry?
These are just a few things that the angels have on me

.......
But I've been shown the Saviour's love
The Grace of God has raised me up
....
And I know things the angels only wish they knew

I have seen the dark and desperate place where sin will take you
I've felt loneliness and shame
And I have watched the blinding light of grace
come breaking through with a sweetness only tasted
By the forgiven and redeemed

And someday I'll sit down with my angel friends
Up in heaven
And they'll tell me about Creation
And I'll tell them a story of Grace
.....

And isn't that true? When Lucifer led a rebellion against God, a third of the angels followed him. And they were kicked out of heaven onto earth where they are continuing their campaign to lead people in rebellion against God and away from Jesus Christ. They will await for the appointed time for their judgement. The lake of fire was originally prepared for them. (Matt 25:41)

There is no reprieve for them - their rebellion signals their eternal dismissal from God's presence - to the lake of fire where even death and hades is thrown in during the end times (Rev 20:15) Yet God in His grace sent Jesus to die for us so that we can fellowship with Him, a grace that is not shown to the demons - the fallen angels. (2 Pet 2:4) He has given us a way to be His Sons and Daughters and to know Him as the perfect, heavenly Father...

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6)

He is in control

2008-08-14T15:16:00.003+08:00

Had been disturbed for some time because of relations in the office which frankly, I was reluctant to resolve because I had felt it was not my fault. (Why should I?) Yet there was disquiet in my heart from this disharmony.

He sees even the most petty of things in our lives. In this particular episode, He set up a situation where we were alone together (without any of our planning) and where it was awkward to escape. Nothing fanciful, simply being along for 2 so short (yet so crucial) minutes where apologies could be made. And He moved my proud heart so that I initiated what I and my heart WILL not do.

From a human perspective, it was a lose-lose situation - not only was our relations not restored to what it was, I said "sorry" - a potentially career-limiting move, against chinese wisdom which classifies this as "赔了夫人又折兵".

Yet now, I am at peace, with Him, because I did what is right in His sight. It's a shame that our relationship was not enhanced, but He gives, and He takes away. I can only wait on His timing now.

This simple episode is so amazing because it parallels our salvation. Things are wrong! And we and our heart want things contrary to His Will. We wish for others to submit to us. Yet it is God who grants us the way of reconciliation, God who rules our heart to desire that reconciliation and ultimately God who acts in us (despite our hearts) to obtain this reconciliation.

Other mundane notes: I've only received my notice of paying tax yesterday (though it was sent a month ago) and the due date was today! Praise God that I'm given the opportunity to pay my taxes before potential misunderstandings and troubles can occur at a period where I am relatively more at rest and thus less irritable and bothered. And my dear's prayers is moving towards dependence on God's daily provision not only for our daily bread and physical blessings, but also for His work in changing our hearts and becoming people of His Kingdom. I'm feeling so blessed. :)

Matthew 10:29-33 "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven. "

Disturbed...

2008-07-17T15:04:00.004+08:00

For: Mr Nice Guy

After a colleague (Mr Nice Guy) and I booed another colleague for quoting the bible out of context, I turned to him and ask:

Me: Despite being a Buddhist, you seemed to know the bible very well. Have people been quoting the bible out of context to you?
Mr Nice Guy: Yah man.
Me: Wah, very uncomfortable hor. What were some of the things they had quoted out of context to you?
Mr Nice Guy: That all non-Christians are destined to go to hell...
Me: [Pretending to be distracted by work on my laptop]

I can imagine that I must appear to be really indifferent to your pain when I was "distracted". Frankly, deep down inside, I'm really disturbed and I don't know how to show that to you. I'm disturbed because the bible has written unequivocally that our rightful place is to be condemned and I don't want to strain our friendship because I'm the messenger of that truth.

Rom. 3:10, "As it is written, 'There is none righteous, not even one...'"
Rom. 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
Rom. 5:12, "Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned."
Rom. 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Rom. 5:8, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Rom. 10:9-10, "if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved; for with the heart man believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation."
Rom. 10:13, "For whoever will call upon the name of the Lord will be saved."

From Four Spiritual Laws in CARM website

That's not to say that Christians are better than other people (although we should be, but alot of times, we fail in the standards set by our Creator, who knows our weaknesses but saves us in His love nontheless.) True Christians (that's not all self-professing Christians) are simply people whom God has forgiven in Christ.

Mr Nice Guy, I love you (as a friend), I really do. And I think it is this desire to maintain a good relationship with you that kept my mouth shut when I should have said that that was not a concept that was spoken out of context. It is really written in the bible.

If after reading this passage, you would like to discuss what the bible says, feel free to talk. I cannot say I know everything there, but we can look at the passages together. I pray though, our friendship is not strained...

Shepherd of my Soul

2008-06-21T09:16:00.005+08:00

Many times I wonder, how a person who is blur like me, who is not as capable nor clever like some of my colleagues, who is not financially savvy and who is not observant even of things right in front of me, could have stumbled across His love?

Not only had He done the great work of saving me, He had shown the persistent love that appears hard to get in this ephemeral world by shielding me from the minefields of life, which I could have stepped into unwittingly. His continued presence could be felt in his continued blessings of:

- parents who showed His unfailing forgiveness by accepting me back again and again despite my faults
- A job that I generally like, which provides for me
- General contentment in my lifestyle
- Friends who care

It is awesome to know that His love could even extend to undeserving me, who falls short even by the relative standards of this world... and brings home the fact that "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Rm 8:28)

The sobering reminder is "join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." (2 Tim 1:8-10) A reminder that will need prayers in.

Shepherd of my soul I give you full control,
Wherever You may lead I will foll-ow.
I have made the choice to listen for Your voice,
Wherever You may lead I will go.

Be it in a quiet pasture or by a gentle stream,
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side.
Should I face a mighty mountain or a valley dark and deep,
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide.

Successful?

2007-05-28T16:02:00.000+08:00

Abundantly blessed in my job with superiors who are objective, great working colleagues, big wide open spaces and lots of facilities in my working environment and in an office away from my boss :p , not to mention lots of friends who have proven to be there for me when I had been down and a recreation that I really enjoy, I praise and thank God that He has put me into an enviable position where I feel I have everything I desire, success from my POV.

If there is one challenge I have to learn to manage, it is the fact that work had gotten so much busier and had become so much more hectic that I don't seem to have time for anything except work and recreation.

Yet even in this fully blessed position, I'm counting the costs, costs that may have become too great to bear. My increased workload means that I am either napping or doing work on the MRT while on my way to work which had taken away my only quiet time for prayer, bible reading or time to catch up with friends via smses to find out how they are doing; I feel tired and have low energy all the time and though I feel care for my friends, it feels so much harder to get involved in their lives, find out how they are doing to pray for, care for and think of practical ways to help them.

Whatever I have, are all blessings for God and I'm fully thankful for them. Yet, I also start to realise, how the fuller meeting of our desires here on earth, can make us less aliens and more at home in, and more conforming to the values of this world. No wonder Jesus has said, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God." (Matt 19:24)! A verse though that ends with hope because he added, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matt 19:26)

May God grant me the wisdom and strength to make wise decisions so that I may live out the chief end of man - which is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.

Knowing You, Jesus...

2007-05-08T18:07:00.000+08:00

Knowing You

Graham Kendrick

All I once held dear, built my life upon

All this world reveres, and wars to own

All I once thought gain, I have counted loss

Spent and worthless now, compared to this....

Singing this song in church made me reflect upon my changed values once I've known Him, and to marvel at the person that I am now that I am in Him. The things that I once run after, that would make the foundations, that I once chased after in life - that one love, wealth, ideal family, model and talented children, popular and sought-after friends - all these things were the things that I've hungered for and that I strive to obtain.

The world would probably look at me as a sad failure - an aging, single woman with no potentials hanging in the horizon or much wealth to boast about. And many years ago, as a person with worldly values, that would probably have been an anxiety, an obsession, the dark cloud hanging over my life. But as I remember the God who save me, the Friend who loved me and the Man who had wooed me and won my eternal soul, I have nothing but joy and thanksgiving for the:

- treasure that no eye has seen, and no ear has heard, and no mind has ever conceived

- inheritance that is everlasting and that will not pass even if man and his glory shall pass away

- joy He has set before me, when one day He will wipe the tears from my eyes of every wrong I have to endure and every persecution that was thrown my way.

I already have everything I need for life.

And that is why, I can sing with my whole heart:

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing
You're my all, you're the best
You're my life my righteousness
And I love You Lord....

Sweet Surrender

2007-03-25T15:15:00.000+08:00

I must say that sometimes I am guilty of deliberately ignoring the sacred labour of reading His Word and praying just so that I can experience that sweet surrender of feeling the lifting of my burden and of rest as I come back to trust Him on His Word and Promises after a protracted period of being away from Him (not recommended definitely.) There is just something of a huge relief to confess my sins to the Man who had been tempted but did not sin, to come before Him and be accepted just as I am, and to experience the forgiveness of my sins and renewed strength and determination (in His Grace, not my work) to do the good that He has purposed in my life. (May I never quench His Holy Spirit!)

When I shove Him into a corner, I am naturally driven by my traditional Chinese upbringing of being wary of people’s motives, thinking the worst of people’s intentions and ultimately, simply protecting myself from hurts and pains that can be caused when 2 individuals’ self-interests collide. Life is tiring, difficult and a pain as I would have to always strive to put on an appearance of radiance, excellence and competence so that I may be admired which would be quickly followed by material and physical advancement. Long term though, it can be draining and meaningless as I wondered what I was doing this for.

Somehow, in Him, life’s cause and effects seemed to be much less important. When a work that I had laboured over was cloistered in a lonely corner, seemingly deliberately neglected, to the extent that my colleagues wanted to fight for my work’s right to be placed in the centre of the hall, although I really appreciated my colleagues’ pain on my behalf and feel a pang of under-appreciation, it somehow affected me less than the satisfaction that I had done my best, that I had gained a lot of colleagues’ care and support in this work and that I had simply devoted the results into His hands, letting Him do as He see fit with the finished product.

All this could only be achieved by His Spirit’s teaching us that there is life after this life, and there is a reward in an eternal inheritance that will never rust, nor be eaten away by moths. That inheritance is God Himself, as He pleasured in giving us His presence, dying for us so that we may have a relationship with Him, resurrecting for witnesses to see so that we may know He really has power to achieve what He has said He would do and living in us, sinful flesh that we are. And in Him, there is joy, joy, joy!

Other than that is the awareness that I really cannot do the good that He had meant for me to do, that I am fully and totally dependent on His Strength and His Grace, to live the high calling He has called us to.

And I know that my feeling of rest in Him lies not the sinking sand of man’s philosophy and man’s false comfort, but in the truth of His Word promised thousands of years ago when His prophet cried (Isa 55):

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

Proverbs 31:30-31

2007-03-17T08:36:00.000+08:00

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates."

Obsessed with joy

2007-03-16T20:18:00.000+08:00

Being bitten by the salsa-bug had me exhibiting symptoms of dreaming about salsa dance steps, listening to latin american music so that I may acclimatise to the clave rhythm and looking forward to the next time we head down to union square. I am ashamed to say that the addiction had been so bad I wasn't able to sleep at night wondering how I could keep my balance while executing my right turn and pondering if the constant weight on my right leg will cause even more spider veins to pop unattractively out under my skin.

The joy of salsa laid in its exuberance, spontaneity as the lead designed the dance off-the-cuff supported by the follow who read the unspoken cues to react accordingly and innate cheekiness and playfulness as the couple danced (or perhaps it is the cheekiness of the people I'm with. :p ) In the year of pondering about my decision to take up salsa, I had wondered if it is something that will displease Jesus or cause me to be ashamed when I come into His presence through prayer.

An implicit question was "Is something displeasing to God just because it is fun? Does He not like it because I am happy doing it?"

My personal opinion is that most of us fall into sin because the reward of indulgence seem so much greater than acknowledging His presence in our lives. (In truth, He is in our lives whether we acknowledge that or not!) Just doctoring the figures here or there can lead to accounting firms keeping their clients who are really the ones actually paying them; closing an eye and submitting to a superior's questionable demands can lead to a favourable appraisal and a higher salary for the next year; sleeping together before marriage leads to enjoyment and gratification here and now. Yes, there's a God, but He is only a discipline master who is eager to punish when we're having fun and who snoops in order to catch us doing wrong. We can only be right with Him when we do our duty with our most morose face, surviving and functioning under the strict boundaries, rules and regulations that He has set and trying to steal that little bit of fun to relieve the tedium in sin.

But this belies the Word which says, "Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence." (Col 2:20-23)

If there is anything to be learned from the Apostle Paul, who was an ex-Pharisee (separated one - from all things) who became set apart FOR the gospel of God (Rm 1:1), it was this: That all our worship - that is the way that we live our lives - should be done with joy in Christ.

"...rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." (Rm 5:11)

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Rm 12:12)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. " (Gal 5:22-23)

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Phil 4:4)

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thess 5:16-18)

Other books of the bible, notably Psalms in the OT and David's life example, also overflows with joy, awe and praise of God's glory.

When we became His children through belief in Christ Jesus, the doorway to God Himself (His presence in our lives, knowledge of Him) is open and that is the gospel (the good news!) The joy of really knowing God is so great Paul wrote, "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ..." (Phil 3:8)

We can do this because it is only in the true Christ (not in His gifts of wealth, fellowship, talents etc) that we can have real, lasting joy. When we recognise Him (yes, He Himself) as (not source of) our Treasure and our very great Reward, the pleasure and power of sin diminishes. The created - money, popularity among friends (even Christian friends), fame (one expression of perverted glory in a sense) even salsa (in my case) - with all their potential of being used by Satan to becoming idols or temptations in our lives, simply become vehicles by which we enjoy some of His gifts in this life. If we have them, great and praise God! But if we don't, it is also well and good.

So I'm learning and dancing salsa because it is fun, it makes me happy and it gives me a great sense of satisfaction when I'm able to execute the technical intricacies of the dance (ok, it is intricate for a non-dancer like me. :D ) As with any other gift, there can be temptations and abuse into sin - my current obsession that I'm submitting by prayer and reminder of other priorities in my life, the dance's innate sensuality (some websites refer to it as a courtship dance,) the usual dangers that are associated with clubs and clubbing.

But I know that my ultimate obsession is with joy, pure joy. And I pray that I may desire Him and the natural result of that joy even more so that the things of this world can be enjoyed in their proper time and place for even more joy and life. May I always "delight myself in the Lord so that He will give me the desires of my heart." (Ps 37:4)

Metaphor of men-women relationships

2007-02-17T08:26:00.000+08:00

My determination to just watch salsa in my debut experience with salsa had me hugging my bag while seated. Until my good-natured colleague and her group of warm friends (feeling bad because I'm left out of the fun) got me to stand up to try out the basic salsa step and turn to the count of "1-2-3-pause, 5-6-7-pause" and a few basic cues by which the lead will signal to the follower what he wants done. And suddenly, I was in the middle of the dance floor, so I thought, "Ok, let's just give it a shot."

It's interesting what happened next. Basically with me only knowing the steps, the turn and cues, the lead was able to execute patterns and variations that were beyond my comprehension. I just simply delighted in being part of a unison that is working well together and following his unspoken cues, little as I know. It suddenly dawned on me that this is the perfect metaphor for the ideal marriage and men-women relationships.

With Christ mapping out the basic template and boundaries of what the dance is supposed to be, man led and woman followed and supported. It doesn't matter if the man chose to keep to a tight spot in order to consider other dances or chose to take up more space and shine so that he can become a model for others, woman simply followed, helped and adapted as long as man is within the boundaries of the dance.

There are of course other factors, that can come into the dance. What if man is less experienced in the dance than woman? How can woman humbly follow so that man can lead and yet learn to be a better dancer? What if it is obvious that the couple is on a crash course with another couple and man is oblivious to it? How can woman influence without sabotaging the leadership position of man? What if man is obviously violating every rule in the dance? What can the woman do?

And of course woman can always exercise her choice of "No" even as it is man's prerogative to initiate. When a player, a wolf in sheep's clothing, a predator wants to initiate a dance with you or even if a decent guy were to choose to initiate a dance that you believe to be against His will, you can choose to diplomatically refuse.

And of course there is this unspoken rule that is generally true in this male-led dance, "When things go awry, it's never the lady's fault." =D

These could be some considerations of the lead:
i) How much does she know, and how complex can my dance design be so that she can follow?
ii) Where are the empty spaces I can lead the lady to?
iii) How tall is she and where can I hold her so that she is comfortable?
iv) How firm/gentle should my hold be so that she is comfortable yet allow for clear signalling?
v) How can I teach her new moves so that she looks good?

The successful dance is the basic premise of the man and woman moving well together. So, do you dance? ;)

Peace of Christmas

2006-12-29T10:00:00.000+08:00

It is not unusual to come across Christmas cards' greetings along the lines of "May love, joy and peace be with you during this season."

So it was a good reminder when I attended ORPC's candlelight service on Christmas eve and came across this thought through Rev Teo Yew Tiong's sermon, "The peace of Christmas"

(Note: I did not take notes during the sermon so it is based on my sketchy remembrance. Please feel free to correct inaccuracies.)

Carols always bring about feelings of peace and serenity. Consider the song "Silent Night"

“平安夜，圣善夜。”(Literally translated: Peaceful Night, Holy Night)

It always conveys a sense of security, serenity and rest. Yet looking at the world today, news of war is always at the edge of our consciousness; famine, natural disasters and catastrophes are still upon us. Has peace come upon us after Christmas?

In the first noel, the baby Jesus is born in a manger. The wise men from the east in coming to look at the baby was told by an angel to take another route home to avoid the King Herod, who was insecure about his throne and wary about Jesus' destiny as king and the implications on his kingship. His insecurity had led to all Hebrew male children below the age of 2 to be killed which led to the flight by Joseph and his family. Did peace come supernaturally during the first Christmas?

Nearly all the apostles, early disciples and followers of Jesus were persecuted, were bankrupted, were maimed, were stoned, were killed by the sword, were exiled. Did they experience peace because they had chosen to follow Jesus?

Jesus had said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace." in the Last Supper, the night before he was tried by the governor, Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried. Was that peace a lie?

*But Jesus have also said, "I have overcome the world." which was proven in His later resurrection. He also said "As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." Thus the peace that Jesus spoke of, is not the peace that we understand in the world.

It is peace with God. "For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit." (Eph: 2:14-17)

So are you now at peace with God? Have you now come to the Father through Jesus Christ? Have you experienced the true peace of Christmas and fully understand the meaning of:

“平安夜，圣善夜。”(Peaceful night, holy night) ?

Note: For the section marked *, I've forgotten what he had said so those things were most probably my interpretation.

Trusting Him with all my heart

2006-12-14T15:29:00.000+08:00

On the mountain top of faith, luxuriating in and in thanksgiving of the blessings He had showered on me which had foolishly led to impetuous words that had probably contributed to a sister-in-christ falling in her walk when the last door was shut insultingly in her face.

This led me to ponder on God's timing, why some doors are opened and when, why some are made to walk through the journey until the last door is shut in our faces and to reflect on the journey I have had so far.

Intoxicated as I am on my high now, it is hard to remember that doors were not always open for me. Even in this year, I also had my share of travelling on with hope until the last door was slammed shut in my face. I remembered that time, bearing with everything in His name, suppressing my natural instincts with few (specifically one at most two) allies so that His name may be glorified. And then comes the time when it had seemed my deliverance was near. I travelled along with hope, my steps getting getting lighter as I thought I saw my glory is near. And then, "Bam!", that door was shut in my face.

It was harder to bear than if the doors along the way had not been opened at all. I could no longer walk, but only crawl; I could no longer look people in the eyes, but only slump along like a worm; I could no longer plead for mercy but only despair in my heart.

It appears that at this point, there could be one of two possible reactions.

The first is to think that He has betrayed us, to focus on the pain, grow cold in the heart and stop trusting Him. Though salvation is not lost, we start ignoring all that our conscience had told us is glorifying to Him. Though we may not do what is specifically wrong, we are also no longer motivated to do what is pleasing to His sight. We shut Him out, do all we can to numb the pain, be tempted by the perceived pleasure of sin and sleepwalk through our worthless lives half-dead. We gloried that we are able to survive by the strength of our own hearts.

By God's grace and the support of 2 friends-in-christ, I was painfully led through the second path. I had cried out to Him in my pain. With tears streaming freely in the silence of my room, I had whimpered out my hurt and experienced fully what it had felt like to be a worm - despised and rejected by the world. I begged to be taken out of this situation. I wailed out the injustice that though some of my other brothers and sisters in christ were drinking and making merry, they were deaf to my cries and blind to my plight.

This pitiful sight quickly gave way to unmitigated rage - against Him!

Why do You put me through this and let my friends-in-christ make merry? Why do You lead me down a false path and had given me false hope? Is it Your pleasure to toy with me? Why do You even put me through this situation? Have I not done my best to please You? Do You hate me so much?

For weeks, I had raged against Him, like a petulant child throwing her fists against her strong and controlled father. I had probably also lashed against people who had unwittingly crossed me that time.

Until spent, was I able to remember His faithfulness to me, His personal call to me so long ago when He called me to be His child. I remembered His personal love and how He had taken care of me for so long. Would He abandon me now?

Only then, could I pray, "My Father, thy will be done. I trust that everything that had happened to those You had called, happened for good and for Your purpose. Father, though I cannot understand why this had happened to me, I know You are for me. What can men do to me if You are my helper?"

And slowly, He re-established my road, He gave me strength to persevere and climb up. He provided, sometimes quietly and subtly, sometimes with signs so clear I thought He wanted me to see clearly that it's His work, blur as I am. Until I reach the mountaintop that I am at now, and rejoice in thanksgiving for all the good He had given me and all the blessings He had lavished upon me - My current comfortable circumstances; friends I can count on; superiors who trust and think highly of me; colleagues who like and are comfortable with me.

For how could I appreciate this good, if I had not been through the valley dark and deep? How could I rejoice in my blessings, if I had not once lost all? Why would I want His presence, if I had not known the darkness of the world?

So taste and know that He is good. See how He saves those who trust Him. Experience how He deals bountifully with you.

And this could only come when we trust Him with all our hearts. Whether it is crying out to Him as our Comforter in our pain, or when He lovingly takes our rage against Him in grace, or even when we depended on His strength to persevere on when we are spent.

To our God and Father be glory, to our God and Father be praise, to our God and Father be worship, forever and ever always.

Being Prepared for God's Coming Pt 1

2006-12-12T17:26:00.000+08:00

Intermittently attending a Lunchtime Bible Study in St Andrews' Cathedral every Thursday that focuses on the apocalyptic books and gave one interpretation of how the end-times may be like as understood by the scriptures and interpreted by world events today.

I leave as mystified as I had entered (with a huge headache to boot) but this year's bible study on the apocalypse hit me with 2 points:

i) Everything, including the pain, suffering and tribulations, happens for the glory of God
ii) That the end will come, VERY soon (Perhaps even in this generation!)

My immediate reaction was of fear. What if I were to live a (relatively) blameless life and then in one weak moment to deny Christ? Would I be condemned for that - as one who had never been truly chosen in the first place? Would I lose my eternal inheritance in that one moment as Esau did for stew? Would I be set aside as God's anointed (1 Jn 2:20) as with Saul?

God's personal care is seen even in this issue. "By chance", (as if anything can really happen by chance!) my bible study for the day was on Psalm 17.

"I have called upon You, for You will hear me, O God;
Incline your ear to me and hear my speech.
Show your marvellous lovingkindness by Your right hand,
O You who save those who trust in You....

As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness;
I shall be satisfied when I awake in your likeness." (Ps 17:6-7)

Hamster's timely reminder also led to this bible verse:

"Therefore, brothers,since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful....

Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For,

"Yet a little while,
and the coming one will come and will not delay;
but my righteous one shall live by faith,
and if he shrinks back,
my soul has no pleasure in him."

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls." (Heb 10:19-23,35-30)

The next question then that struck me was, "What does being prepared for God's Coming Again means?" (cont in Pt 2)

Verse in my October Calendar

2006-10-19T16:13:00.000+08:00

"For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far he removed our transgressions from us." - Ps 103:11-12

Excerpt from a colleague

2006-10-19T15:58:00.000+08:00

A colleague sent a thank you e-mail after celebrating her birthday which contained a phrase that made me stop to ponder:

“A realization I had a few years ago, which still stays with me is that the birthday should be a day to celebrate God’s creation, that is, to celebrate the fact that we are created by Him. Since then, each birthday (with or without partying) is a reminder to cherish life as we are miraculously and wonderfully made in His image, with a purpose on earth.”

Happy birthday, sister.

Reflections from Rudy Hu

2006-10-18T14:33:00.000+08:00

Dear friends-in-christ,

Just received this from Rudy via email and it was a sobering reminder. May you be edified as I was from this post.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: 17th Oct

(Places have been edited to keep confidentiality. Other than that, the text was posted as it is received.)

Hi friends,

I have just lost a friend. His name is Vick, a colleague. I know Vick since my first day at work. He was assigned as my buddy, a person who helped new staff to adapt to his new office. Given his character, it was easy for us to get along very well. And as years went by, I regard him as more than just a colleague. He's a dear friend who shares interest in music, arts, photography, science, food, to name a few.

Vick passed away on Friday, 13 Oct 2006, about 6pm. It was a very sudden shock for all staff. A colleague and I rushed to NUH on that afternoon when he was still in ICU. We prayed to God to have mercy on him and I made a promise to boldly proclaim the gospel to him when he recovers... but he never did. Vick is an Indian and he's kinda free thinker. He knew about Christianity but only regarded it as a historical fact, I think.

This is my sixth year at my workplace and I had spent most of my time working with Vick as a team. Our cubicles are next to each other. Today is my second day in office after he's gone. It's hard not to be sad when you realised a friend who were sitting next to you five days a week now no longer in this world. I have previously lost three friends from the Christian Fellowship (POSA) in University of Indonesia. They are brothers and sister with whom I serve together in the POSA music ministry. When they're gone, I know and am sure that they have put their hope in Christ. But it's different with Vick. His departure is too early for me and for everyone. He has not really understand the good news we have in Jesus. This is what makes me really sad.

I know that death is a reality of life and I can accept his departure. But I do regret that during five and a half years of our friendship I don't really seriously talk to Vick about Christ and his love for us. I should have done that when he was hospitalised a few months ago. He looked better after being discharged. However, I lost the battle against time. I was to slow to speak about the Truth to him. God, please forgive me... I learnt my lesson and I repent.

Rudy Hu
"For me, to live is CHRIST and to die is gain"

My personal DNA

2006-10-12T14:17:00.000+08:00

Attentive Idealist

El Shaddai

2006-10-10T11:29:00.000+08:00

Led worship in song with this song and many people have commented on how they are reminded of the firm foundation in God through this song. I'm including the lyrics here for remembrance:

Hebrew Translations:
El Shaddai – God Almighty
El Elyonna Adonai – God in the highest, Oh Lord
Erkamkana Adonai – We will love you, Oh Lord

El Shaddai

El Shaddai, El Shaddai
El Elyonna Adonai
Age to age you’re still the same
By the power of your name
El Shaddai, El Shaddai
Erkamkana Adonai
We will praise and lift you high
El Shaddai

Through your love and through the ram
You saved the son of Abraham
Through the power of your hand
You turned the sea into dry land
To the outcast on her knees
You were the God who really sees
And by your might You set Your Children free

Through the years you made it clear
That the time of Christ was near
Though the people couldn’t see
What Messiah ought to be
Though your Word contained the plan
They just could not understand
Your most awesome work was done
In Your Son

A defense of BSF

2006-09-30T09:36:00.000+08:00

Quite a few people have heard my complaints about how some of the questions are phrased in BSF and may have left with the mistaken ideas about it as well as my position on it. The fact is, currently, I'm still persevering in the system and fully intend to sign up for it again next year!

Like any other man-made system, including church congregations, there are flaws but would I have been able to come up with a better system myself?

Fact is, this system is the only system so far that had encouraged my daily QT, bible reading and prayer time. It has brought into my life friends-in-Christ who has the common and strong desire to read and understand what God is saying - free of the prejudices and biases of men's interpretation. Our discussions, encompassing all the lay people from different church backgrounds and spiritual experiences, do have the effect of broadening up our minds and gaining joy that our God is the head of a diverse yet united Church.

An added surprise is that I've come to know BSF leaders - humble, caring and showing genuine desire to do God's will in their lives - who upheld me in prayer, supported me when I was down and cared enough to contact me every week to find out how I'm doing.

Their structure also encouraged me to go through the same bible passages 4 times - first by myself while working through the questions each day, second in group discussion, third in a lecture by lay people and last in BSF notes (which are the same no matter which country we go to) that helped me understand the international perspective.

The truth is for me, this simple discipline of reading the bible daily, quietly; of weekly patiently really listening to others' answers and squelching my natural desire to interrupt with my "model" answer; of humbly willing myself to be taught by another lay person; of reading the BSF notes with an open mind; had helped me grow in knowledge and understanding of what God is saying. And with it, the consistent reminder of the greatest Hope and Joy in my salvation that leads to the Peace that surpasseth all understanding.

In the end, it is not THE ONE bible seminar or workshop that will MOVE me. Ultimately, it is these simple, consistent disciplines that help me LIVE.

Repentance

2006-09-25T17:30:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to D

"I am happy, because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. I wrote to you (so) that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are. By all this we are encouraged." - 2 Cor 7:9-13

""John's baptism was a baptism of repentance. He told the people to believe in the one coming after him, that is, in Jesus." - Acts 19:4

"Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire." - Matt 3:8, 10

Have you ever felt that crushing weight of guilt? When you know you had done wrong to a person and had hurt the person in some way. It doesn't matter how innocuous or minute the action is, or even if the other person knows that you were the one responsible for his/her hurt, God and you know that your action was meant in viciousness and a pound of blood and flesh was what you were going for.

The world rewards hard-heartedness: I've witnessed people who had ruthlessly sacrificed the friends around them to advance in their careers/business/social circles; who for their own gratification secretly two-timed that they don't have to be burdened to one person and his/her imperfections; who for thirty pieces of silver sacrificed the servant king.

I've tried talking with one of them, thinking that there is possibly a ray of hope and was inwardly shocked when the person sincerely responded, "This is purely a business transaction. She should have considered carefully before she committed. What happened with her is not my business."

It often seemed that in this world, repentance is for the weak, for those who can't stand to have others have a bad opinion of themselves, for those who suffer from a masochistic complex.

In this world, you are punished for your repentance. Contrast Germany and Japan in their involvement in WWII and the difference in price they pay because of their (or lack of) repentance. Or perhaps even imagine the (happy?) day if Osama is to surrender for atrocities done during 9/11 because he is repentant for what he has done? The high profile trials it will attract, the humiliation he will be made to go through. Haughty rebellion is in vogue and it makes economic sense. The day I'm in your hands is the day of my downfall. In fact, the higher the price I can exact from you in your pursuit of my justice, the stronger and more powerful I am seen to be.

The world rewards the unrepentant rebel.

It doesn't make sense to repent - to admit you are wrong and turn to what is right, if you are not a Christ follower, does it?

It would only happen the day when we live by the belief that "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever." (1 Pet 1:24-25), won't it?

Surely it will only come to the person who "Praise the LORD," who knows that "Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. " (Ps 112:1), shouldn't it?

So though the guilt is great, the worldly returns are unsavoury and great is the worldly reward for the rebel, Jesus' invitation is this, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt 11:28-30)

And you may rejoice even if God chooses to discipline you, for He disciplines you as a Son or Daughter, for the making in the image of Christ Jesus.

And you may then experience what He means when He said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." (Matt 5:4-5)

Sacraments

2006-09-14T11:08:00.000+08:00

Definition: A Christian rite that mediates divine grace—a holy Mystery (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacraments, 14 Sept 2006)

BD: Hey you want to go for a prayer retreat?
Me: Great idea! When, where is it and who is conducted by?
BD: Just to let you know it's Catholic. But it's very good! They even have a priest who will guide you in your prayer journey and with whom you can confess your sins.
Me: [Heretic!!!!] Err... you know that there shouldn't be anyone, besides Jesus, who will intercede in our prayers right?
BD: Of course I know lah. But don't you sometimes feel lost in your prayer life? If you will be stumbled, then just go for the prayer retreat and don't go to the sermon sessions or to the priest. But weren't you just complaining that you have not been seeking the Lord enough?
Me: You may have a point, let me pray through this first.
BD: You know, sometimes I think Catholics have something right. Before SL goes for her business trips, she will visit her priest and confess all her sins, so that our Father will hear her prayers in her trip. Sometimes having someone to confess to and pray for you can be a restful thing to do.
(pause)
BD: I used to be a Presbyterian so I can say this. Sometimes, you all get far too involved in Word knowledge and pharasaic in prescribing dos and don'ts in spiritual acts that you all forgot to have a relationship and just go ahead and do things with the living Christ.

Another day:
YP: I must save more this month else I can't fulfill my giving of the first-fruits.
Me: Oh, know what I do, I'll just give my portion in the first weekend after pay day and not worry about it until my next pay day....
YP: No, I'm not talking about tithing, I'm talking about giving of the first fruits. At the beginning of the year, we will pledge an amount we will give to the church in addition to our tithing. That is the giving of my firstfruits loh.
Me: [Unbiblical! Word-faith teaching!] Hmmm...
YP: So I must save up more so that I can bless my church for God's work.
Me: Hmmm... (pondering about my priorities in money management)

Living in the joy of the truth of only Christ being my intercessor with God, my Father, most times I had neglected the importance of the sacraments in my daily life. Knowing that sacraments like confession, communion, tithing and prayer are not necessary for my ascendency upwards when my time comes, I have a tendency to neglect these sacred acts unless I'm obliged to (e.g in congregational activity.)

This leads to all sorts of disturbing symptoms in my life - a vague sense of worrying especially about my future, lack of focus even obvious in the daily tasks that I do, words that betray my real priorities in life. (Which leads to BD's stern rebuke on my worldly values that stumble people just days ago. =P)

Does it come from a false sense of superiority about knowing 'the right things' to do (like they'll bring us closer to Christ)? Or perhaps that the world's delights are so much more seductive than the solid joys of being under God's wings that I sometimes run from His presence? Or maybe it is just that the immediate satisfaction of admiration from people now far outweigh the delayed gratification of praise from our Lord?

"Dear God, Father of Jesus and me because of Him. In Your wisdom, You chose the foolish things of the world to shame the proud. I am sorry for my impetuous judgement that comes from superficial knowledge. Thank you for this season of teaching me to focus on taking away the plank in my eye. Thank you for keeping your eye on me in my past years after coming to You like I'm the apple of your eye.

Grant me the wisdom to know the difference between the acts that displease You from the things that separate Your church. Help me to live by the power of your Holy Spirit a relationship with You, not a self-willed life that derieves its morals from your Word. There are far too many grey areas in life that will stumble me and cause me to fall, perhaps even fall away from You as if I've never been chosen in the first place. But I can rest in what Apostle Paul had said with the wisdom that You had given, "Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." In Jesus' name You hear my prayer, Amen."

Holiness, not Happiness

2006-09-12T11:54:00.000+08:00

Separate scathing rebukes by 2 brothers-in-christ on respectively my views on singleness and worldliness had gotten me to reflect on my values and motivations in life. (Sisters-in-christ, you need to be less lovingly gentle lah. It's easier for me to get feedback from you!)

So it was like an arrow hitting the bull's eye of my heart when a speaker preaches that "it is Holiness, not Happiness that God has called us to." He uses the character of Joseph to illustrate his point. That although God led Joseph to be ostracised by his family, framed by Potiphor's wife and thrown into prison, how God had used those circumstances to mould Joseph into a man who went on to inherit a double portion of His blessings in the Promised Land through his 2 sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. (Personal Note: I personally will need to study further into this passage to ascertain if I agree with the last sentence.)

Truth is, sometimes I wonder if all the efforts of striving to be holy is worth it. Sometimes, it feels like a struggle for nothing, a sure-lose situation which unreasonably places others in a superior position which I must perpetually struggle to kowtow to. I am tired of struggling with and considering so many more factors in my already complicated mind; I resent that I must be so humiliated; I am frustrated at letting others have control over my well-being through their whims and fancies because I must defer in order that their interests are also considered.

I am tired and I'd like to not think so much. I'd like to luxuriate in just considering for myself. But then I remember my Lord and what He has to endure in order to make me clean: The Master washing His disciples' feet so that we will follow His example; The King standing silent in front of governor Pilate so that the Father's will be done; God Himself hanging on the cross so that holy wrath may pour on Him and then His created, humble man, may freely come to Him.

Even if I'm not called to suffer persecution for His name, or to bring people en masse to Him, my cross is this: Through the mundane and routine, with His Love behind me and His Holiness before me, may I faithfully trod the road of Mercy guided by His ultimate Wisdom.

Quote from CS Lewis

2006-07-30T09:27:00.000+08:00

"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."

Analogy of Servant Leadership

2006-07-29T11:18:00.000+08:00

Who serves the other? The baby or his parents? Yet who is in authority?

"Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Phil 2:5-11)

Analogy of True Contentment

2006-07-11T14:20:00.000+08:00

After a spirited 'exposition' of what it means to be contented in singleness, below is a summary of our continued conversation via sms:

HS: I want to stumble you with envy. I'm having Cedele's.
Me: I'm having a slightly inferior (but good enough for me!) Subway meal.
(Pause)
I think I know the meaning of true contentment now.

Contentment is... feeling/thinking that Cedele's is superior to Subway but fully satisfied with what I'm having (even though in God's eyes, Cedele's and Subway are both equally good!)

What really matters

2006-06-24T17:50:00.000+08:00

It is a struggle to remember that Christians are only sinful people who had realized their innate unworthiness, and come to acknowledge and accept hungrily the love and sacrifice God had made on our behalf. (Remember it was not the 'righteous' but the tax collecters and prostitutes who come to Him!)

Thus the many times we would observe, or even personally experience the times when our fellow brothers or sisters in Christ or even ourselves, had fallen short of standards and hurt the innocent people around.

I had observed how the lack of ethics of a real estate agent had hurt my father financially, (how I cringe everytime my mother mentioned that she is a Christian) but also praise God for Singapore's just legal system which we are depending on now for our justice.

My friends had shared how their Christian bosses, model citizens in church, had been dishonest in business and mean to their subordinates and juxtaposed the irony of decency exemplified by their non-Christian supervisors.

Even in gatherings where Charismatics and the Conservatives congregate, the undercurrents are strong. "Emotional Imbeciles", snort one group, "Arrogant Pharisees", sniff the next. Differences rather than similarities categorise our Family.

Sometimes, we are hurt simply by the lack of care and concern of our family in Christ when it had really mattered. It was most probably unintentional and unthinkingly which was proven by their response of concern when they were made aware of how it had affected us.

Yet though the prayer is to be loving, trusting and not keep any records of wrongs, it is hard to let them into your heart again, much as they are striving to show care for you. The ice around the heart is the impenetratable wall. The temptation then is to focus on the old habits of concentrating on making ourselves better, stronger and self-sufficient so that we would never be vulnerable again.

What really matters though, is that God Himself, will never let us go. ("God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." - Heb 13:5) Much as we think we are alone, much as we think we are isolated, Jesus will never let go of the sheep that are placed into His care.

Though the heart had ached when all our supports were gone: when your job had hung on the line, when your friends had seemingly abandoned you, when your self-esteem laid crushed and you are fully broken: As if He scoffs at shallow attachments formed simply by similar interests and personalities and to proclaim, "It is I alone who will deliver you", the miracle of the other people He had brought into our lives to be our crutch, to be our pillar, to bring that spark of joy and hope into you again proved to be an occasion for great thanksgiving to His name.

On earth right now, where ever it may be, in the most remote villages, on the highest mountains, or even when your life hung by a thread as you fought to stay afloat in the fast-flowing river, there is no such thing as "god-forsaken", this word will only apply to hell.

Then how should we be responding? Christian fellowship? What exactly is Christian fellowship then? If not similar interests, if not complementary personalities, if not common activities, then what?

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." - John 15:12-17

Dear Lord, how hard is your command. But as your Spirit is with me, as You have promised "that the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.", help me to obey.

"I can't pray"

2006-06-10T09:22:00.000+08:00

"A person who is facing death has lots of energy. Even as a non-swimmer, after having pulled myself for half an hour to the bank using a rope, walked for an hour and THEN still having to kayak downstream and capsized AGAIN, when I saw light streaming in from above, I just kicked hard in the stream towards the light. I grabbed the black thing that is hanging above with half the fear that it is one of those giant millipedes I see around me in the country everyday and by God's grace, it turned out to be a sturdy branch which I hung on for dear life, against the huge current that is threatening to sweep me away."

"I looked around for my kayaking partner, Sam, but he was nowhere in sight. Suddenly, something bumped against my back and reflexively I grabbed hold of it. It turned out to be Sam's leg. After a long time, with one hand hanging on to the sturdy branch and the other grabbing his leg, he said, "Sara, my shoulders are killing me, just let me go.""

"In such a place as this, you don't want to die alone, you want to die in pairs. So I shouted at him, "Siao ah, better that your shoulders are killing you than you get eaten by crocodiles or get cut by sharp objects. Come, come, let's pray.""

"I can't pray." (He later told me that as a C*******, because of the fact that he had sworn alot and had taken the Lord's name in vain, he was disallowed from praying.)

"What do you mean, you can't pray? You can speak right? Just talk to God lah. Come, quick, let's pray."

"You know, prayers really work wonders. Having hung on there for so long and no help had come, once we prayed, a jetskier came by and we were able to take his jetski back to safety."

It was a shock to me that the pull of an institution can be so great, that even in the most desperate situation, a person can refuse to talk with God just because he was barred (by people) from doing so - even if God can be his only help then.

What is sobering for me though, is how easily, we - mere sand and breath - will give up the privilege of prayer to the Almighty God, our maker for unworthy things - the same way that Esau gives up his birthright to Jacob for bread and lentil stew. Sam "gave up" his privilege to pray perhaps for pride ("You suspend my privilege to pray? Ok lah, see how much I care."); perhaps so that he can continue to 'belong' to the institution he had always been in.

How often have we chosen fellowship with a group just so that we can belong and disregarded whether it is pleasing to God?

"Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD." (Ps 89:15) Perhaps that should be our mediation and our goal for "if God is for us, who can be against us?" (Rm 8:31)

Reference for right priorities in prayer

2006-05-30T16:52:00.000+08:00

A friend forwarded me this link to keep me up to date on various Christian events. What caught my attention though is their "Word Prayers for 10 days". The word document can be accessed from this page:

http://www.globaldayofprayer.com/10_days.htm

I feel that the subjects of the prayer expressed here shows right priorities and probably expresses and comes from a right relationship with God. In the reading through of these prayers, may they feed you as much as it did me. :)

[Side note: Just heard a real-life inspirational story that a youth group, who had planned and is implementing an entrepreneurial project on behalf of a voluntary welfare organisation (VWO), spent around $300+ and were able to make sales of $4000+ over the past 2 weeks by integrating the altruism instinct in people and by giving customers/donors something of real value back. What is more amazing is that the method is so simple, it is laughable. What I learn from this is that the simplest plans are the most effective. Well done people!]

Battlefield God

2006-05-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

I've come across this fun philosophy game that is probably written by an atheist. This 'battleground' was probably constructed so that the author of the game can help to sell more books promoting atheism and evolution.

It can potentially be stumbling to the Christian who decides to take the test at face value without the desire to examine his/her rational/logical thought later on (it will be thought-provoking for all other theists though!) For the uninformed Christian like me who desires to do a little redundant work though, it can potentially be an eye-opening experience to marvel at how the laws of the universe (including the laws of logic) can be rationally and logically consistent with His precepts and characteristics if you will sieve through the entire thought process with a good critical thinking book (much as it is mind-boggling and a tough exercise. Having said that, there are probably still inconsistencies that I am unaware of. :p)

I think that there are certain areas that the battleground had neglected to consider in their process and being an atheist, the person had probably written the test with preconceived notions about theism - strawmen he himself constructed which he then dismantle and point as evidence of irrational/illogical/inconsistent thought. I'll be glad to share my results (and thoughts on it) if you will share yours. ;)

With all this said, take this test at your own risk.

http://www.philosophersnet.com/games/god.htm

On a side issue, I read this description on another part of their website:
http://www.philosophersnet.com/games/whatisgod2.php
The metaphysical engineers are finding it hard to understand how, on your conception of God, one can have a personal relationship with her.

Personal relationships appear to depend on a number of things. Sufficient similarity between the persons in the relationship is one. Another is that both are persons, or are, at least, person-like, as some higher primates, for example, appear to be. The problem is that in our universe there seem to be no genuine personal relationships between things of great difference. And God, as you have described her, is vastly different from human beings.

People can have feelings for things which are similar to those they have towards people. Affection or love for places or objects, for example, is common. But this is not the same as having a personal relationship with them. In a similar way, people have relationships with animals, maybe a cat. But this does not seem to be the same as a personal relationship, because of the great difference in the way the person relates to the animal and the way the animal relates to the person. Perhaps this is the kind of relationship which you envisaged?
--End

Much as it seemed demeaning to see ourselves as cats and dogs (perhaps sheep? Not goats :p )in our relationship with God, I'm incline to think that the author(s) above have hit closer to home than they know. In a separate post, I have likened God willing to love us sinners as of greater magnitude than say us loving cockroaches, unworthy as we are to receive it yet amazingly, He does. In fact His love is so great, He had adopted us as His sons and daughters! (Ever imagine adopting a cockroach? Like ewwww... :( )

In light of the incredulity shown by these atheists, isn't it even more awesome to know of His love for us?

For unbelievers, the question then becomes if you're willing to humble yourself and acknowledge your sinfulness and unworthiness and thus need His salvation, His way, not ours, in order to be made right with Him and to enJOY the greatest gift of all? "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." (Pro 3:34) There is compelling, historical evidence that Jesus Christ exists and that He is God because He says so. And because He exists and lives now, "If you really knew (Jesus), you would know (His) Father as well. From now on, you do know (God) and have seen him." (Jn 14:7) Will you accept Him now?

Jesus: King above all kings, the friend whom I know

2006-05-18T18:00:00.000+08:00

[Post first started on May 18th, Thursday, 6p.m.
Last edited: May 29th, Monday, 11:15p.m]

Specially dedicated to the girl who's building her treasures in heaven - LJL. Because of your faithful prayers, you have helped me receive the greatest gift of all.

Now, this prodigal sister-in-christ is with you, in looking to the day when we will rejoice that we have given up on all we could have put our hopes on; the day when all our tears will be wiped away. May we always be in the passion of our Lord and to always grow in sisterly love.

Received an e-mail from Dave with this header "Talking about Jesus":

--- Start of email
Dear frens,

Any ideas on what an 'evangelical' Jesus look like? hehehe.... :D

Wud appreciate any input from u all cos I dun have much time to prepare for this XXX outing just before the XXXX da vinci code forum...

Cheers
Dave

[Start of forwarded email]
[Someone] says:
Hello brothers

Thanks for agreeing to share your tradition's perspective on Jesus at the XXX meeting this Saturday afternoon. Here as some suggested guidelines you may wish to use to frame your presentation, just to make sure we have some focus:

- Who is Jesus according to your tradition?
- What was/is his ministry?
- How do we interact him? What is expected of us as a result of this interaction?
- Strengths & weaknesses of your tradition's view of/approach to Jesus?

Key point is to discuss the tradition's view of Jesus, rather than the features of the tradition itself, as far as this is possible - although there'll be some overlaps.

If you can plan a 15 minutes presentation with about 5 minutes to interact on whatever questions people might have, that would be ideal. Haven't thought about the order of presentation, but might be nice to have it in some broad "chronological" order:

Catholic (C)
Evangelical (Dave)
Pentecostal/Charismatic (L)
"New Perspective"/NT Wright (A)

Well... let me know if you've any other suggestions anyhow.

May you be edified and enthralled with our Saviour as you make your preparations.
[End of forwarded mail]
---- End of email

Although it will be edifying to search the scriptures to consolidate all I know about the biblical Jesus (and I hope to do so,) I must say this e-mail led me to (on this commemorative 101st post) reflect on the Jesus I know (Sorry Dave! I'm no help here) - not just through the scriptures (which should rightfully be THE source), but the Jesus whom I had talked with, whined to, trusted and who had shown Himself to me to be King, Prince of Peace, my Comforter and Friend.

My first remembered encounter with Him was at the age of 8 when I was enrolled into a Catholic school. I must have been presented with the sinless, holy God cause I remembered my prayer on reaching home in the afternoon was, "God, I don't think I need Jesus. If you will write off all the bad things I did before, from today, I promise You that I will be a totally good girl and not do a single naughty thing." (I could just hear Jesus laugh at this childish thought, but boy was I determined!) My resolution promptly left my conscious memory when retiring to bed that night, I counted off all the naughty things I had done and they numbered around 20.

Over time, observation of the conduct of His people made me convinced about the hypocrisy of this religion and I remember swearing at one particular Christian that I'd rather believe in cannibalism than in this God he/she believes in. His/her dire warning led to my final suave throwback of "To hell be the consequences" (How prophetic my words could be huh?) before I marched off, my head lifted high.

The slight blip in my antenna (which I had thought was a disappointing but small incident) was when LJL became a Christian in Sec 4. Although I did not voice it then, I questioned her judgement in my heart and wondered if she walks through life with her eyes close. Don't you know what the Christians are like? You want to be one of them??? Okaaaaaay, it's YOUR life. Many times we would discuss the issue of God and most times, I would out-argue her (U know I did, LJL. :p ) I was smug in my belief that I'll always be free of this wretched religion, but LJL's faith and prayers to the true and loving God, who did not wish anyone to perish, but come to the way to Him, held the more amazing way and gift for me.

Fast forward to my internship, where I met my mentor, a gentle Christian who is overseeing my project work. With quiet humour, he never failed to put me at ease although I was then still shy and awkward. Somehow respect for his quiet wisdom silenced my doubts when he calmly invited me to his church. I remembered those early Sunday mornings, before the first rays of sunlight, when I would "sneak" out of my house to attend his home church at the sleepy hour of 8a.m where we would go for roti prata at around 10:30 after service. I remember this particular sermon where I had felt the beginning of a choice, "Choose Me, or the pleasures of the world? Choose the cross or the broad and easy way? Choose Truth or the life of comfortable ease?" Circumstances were just too easy and gratification too instant for me and I defaulted to the way against Him. In my last unwilling visit to his home church, he gave me a book "The Gift for all people" by Max Lucado, a simple narration that illustrates God's gift which I promptly left in a corner after a quick scan. I've no idea where he is now, but if I see him again, I'd like to see the quiet smile on his face when he realises that I am now God's people.
--- To be continued....

Fully Blessed

2006-05-14T00:59:00.000+08:00

"I need a heart operation."

IV, a nutritionist friend I was lunching with, looked at me, goggle-eyed.

Realising I had unthinkingly ignored the more obvious context (again!), I laughed and repeated, "I need a heart operation - in the hospital of heaven."

We laughed.

I had shared many of my uncharitable thoughts and discontentment with IV at this particular lunch and she was lending me her sympathetic listening ear as I aired my grievances and talked aloud the practical options open between removing myself from temptation and standing up to it. Yet whether I have an answer, this much intellectual clarity His Grace has given me (no doubt coming from your (IV's) prayers):

"...train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. " (1 Tim 4:7-8)

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." (1 Tim 6:6-10)

And funnily, right after the moment of complaining most about what I don't have - when I felt the most sulky, discontented and unworthy - paradoxically, it was that moment when I felt the most beloved.

For the all-knowing, holy and sovereign One - who by nature, should have been so far from me - had never failed to care enough - to guide, to comfort or to rebuke (much as I outwardly plead against (and inwardly is pleased by) His nagging) so that I may be a new creation.

The truth is:

I stand before the great eternal throne

The one that God Himself is seated on

And I, I've been invited as a son (err.... daughter)

Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable

And see beyond my wildest imagination

Lord, I come with great expectations

(From Steven Curtis Chapman's "Great Expectations")

And it is this struggle against my sin - this struggle that I am resisting - that also brings me the most comfort, because it is the proof that I am always in His mind and He is with me.

And this is why I am fully blessed. :)

Commercial Break

2006-05-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

Cost of getting e-fo from S months before: $0.05
Cost of taking a call from P: $0.10
Catching Steven Curtis Chapman LIVE in concert that very day (and coinciding with friends just next to me!): Priceless

(Thanks friends!)

Fruitlessness

2006-04-30T11:19:00.000+08:00

"I know I'm going to heaven only because I believe in Christ's sacrifice on the cross for me." Joy welled in my heart as I was saying this.

The two petite women who had knocked on my door asking if I'd like them to conduct bible study classes in my house look bewildered and troubled, both at my words and the expression that must have been on my face. That set alarm bells ringing for me. "Which church do you come from?"

"Jehovah's witnesses. Have you heard about us?"

"I've not heard about you all but I've read up a bit about you. Perhaps you can clarify where I've understood wrongly. What do you know about Jesus?"

"He is a perfect being that had come down to earth."

"Do you believe He's God?"

"He's not God Almighty, he's a perfect being who is created by God."

"If he's not God, what makes you believe that His death is sufficient to cover our sins?" Somehow, the verse Col 2:9 kept flashing in my mind from this point on yet doubt kept me quiet.

"He's a perfect being, he's an angel."

"Lucifer was an angel yet would you believe that he is sufficient for your sins? Not to forget in the great heavenly rebellion, 1/3 of the angels fell and become demons."

"God Almighty himself chooses the perfect sacrifice for our sins."

"Of course, but do you think that any being will be sufficient for God's holy standard? Wouldn't God alone be sufficient for His own standards?"

"We'll come back later to talk with you and your family."

"Ok, but before you go, I have some materials for you."

My head was in a whirl and doubt and confusion clouded my mind. Stumbling into my room, the first materials I happened across are printed notes which explained the concept of trinity. (Praise God!) I grabbed blindly, all three chapters on the trinity and handed it to them. "Read this before you come again and I'll be glad to discuss scripture together."

My hands were still shaking an hour later. Anger and guilt equally mixed as my mind grappled with the fact that misguided Christian groups are so active in spreading the 'good news' yet I, a truth-bearer, am doing nothing to further His kingdom - not because I have to but of a loving will. I was further frustrated when checking on Col 2:9 to find it reads "For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form..."

How many people have I shared the news of the kingdom with?

("Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."" - Matt 28:18-20)

This nagging feeling that I should be doing more came when I first heard sharing from a charismatic pastor. Vaguely holding traces of supercilious arrogance that charismatics do not know the whole doctrine, this perception was further consolidated by his speech characterised by non-standard English. Yet his sharing humbled me. An ex-drug addict and ex-convict and professing to still bear the tattoos of his past as a gang member, he nevetheless single-handedly founded a profitable social enterprise that mostly employs reformed, male ex-convicts. He may not be a theological giant, perhaps his knowledge only extends to the necessity of believing and accepting the truth that Jesus died on the cross for us and is fully acceptable, his faith may even extend (controversially) to belief that because he serves the true God, miracles is promised in his work, yet so many people came to know about the forgiveness of Christ by his living out the giving of second chances to ex-convicts.

("He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him." - 1 Cor 1:28-29)

How many lives have I touched?

This feeling was reinforced when I met a brother-in-christ and heard about how he notices subtle signs that his family is becoming more curious for christ. Although we were similarly lamenting 4-5 months back how we are the only Christians in the family, he had gone on to think about strategies for being a good living witness and his mother is coming to church. His family is also noticing his increasing love for them. Although I was much encouraged and shared his joy, I also couldn't help thinking about how my darkness had covered Christ's light in my family.

Why am I so untransformed?

("You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." - Matt 5:14-16)

Not to mention God's holy standard, I'd even fall short of man's relativistic moral standards. My confidence must lie in "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. " (Phil 1:6)

I'd better buck up on prayerfully depending on His strength. :p

Prayer Structure

2006-04-22T22:39:00.000+08:00

[Edited on 23rd April: Added international focus for Friday]

Inspired by "A Call to Spiritual Reformation" by Don Carson, I'm praying that I'm able to implement this prayer structure:

Sunday: Family
Monday: Close friends and prayer/accountability group
Tuesday: Organisation, department, charities and volunteers we're working with and their leaders
Wednesday: Church, DG, Music Ministry and their leaders
Thursday:BSF group and Believers' Music
Friday: Friends in general, unbelievers, our nation and international focus of the week
Saturday: Myself and various initiatives considering to be embarked on

Any groups I have missed out or other considerations I should be thinking through?

Whimsy Fancy or My Ministry in Work?

2006-04-21T17:35:00.000+08:00

Many people have shared with me their desire, consideration of or even their prayers and plans towards full-time church ministry. This made me think about the value of my work because I am not called (as of now) to full-time ministry.

Belonging to the camp that considers secular work to be as sacred as church work by God-fearing individuals (am I a Lutheran or what?) by the fact that our entire lives are meant to be a worship to God, I nevertheless strongly desire that my secular work is to be meaningful and transforming of lives – whether it is through living testimony or its innate nature. At the same time, being lazy yet insecure, I dream about creating a system that will earn me an income for as long as I live.

Coming into my new job, I become pleasantly surprised when I come across the concept of Social Entrepreneurship within a week. Not a new concept social entrepreneurship is a business that supports social causes through its business activities. It can be in the form of regularly ensuring that fixed portions of its revenue are given to worthy social causes or even employing the socially disadvantaged people – the elderly, the disabled, ex-convicts in the course of normal business operations. For example, The Body Shop, championing environmental causes in its normal operations and employing backward village people in its production and packaging operations is an example of a social enterprise.

The concept of social entrepreneurship appeared to be the answer to my dichotomy – income-generating system inspired by greedy sloth and meaningful accomplishment normally requiring committed diligence. It appears to be the answers to my prayers – the ability to transform the lives of social “misfits” while potentially creating that income-generating system.

But is this a thought for further consideration, a whimsy fancy, or the work destined for me? Time will tell…

Why I trust the bible

2006-04-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

Recently, loved ones had passed me references to 'Gospel' of Judas and brought me to watch documentaries on it. I'm grateful that it is given with the intention of giving me food for thought if I'm following man-made doctrines and concern against blind faith when I trust in the original documents in the Protestant Bible as divinely inspired and inerrant.

Sometimes, I have a tendency to regret that I had not been a Christian since young (so much time wasted!) but I praise God that having come to believe in Christ as God as an adult, I'm fully cognisant of the faith-changing and thought process.

Having first believed in Christ as God, I was faced with this dilemma and I remembered agonising in prayer, "God, who is teaching about the real you? The charismatic church that focuses on the teachings of this particular pastor who is getting special, secret revelation from you? The Roman Catholic church? The You that is mentioned in the Protestant bible? God, is the Christian church even teaching about the real You? If not, God, show me who teaches the real You and I will follow, no matter where you take me."

My prayers were answered (Praise God that His revelation is not a secret I need to ferret out!) when I discovered that all the books in the New Testament were written within 60 years after Jesus' death, resurrection and ascension to God's right hand (references here) and written either by the apostles (mostly people who were directly in contact with Jesus' ministry on earth) or people who were directly in contact with the apostles. This proves to me that these are reliable eyewitness records of Jesus' teachings and were within too short a window of time to be fabricated. The matyrdom of the majority of these apostles for refusing to deny the seeing of the living Jesus in the flesh (who is also seen by 500 other people) is further evidence that their accounts are true.

But what of the OT? Is it inspired and which version (Roman Catholic or Protestant) should be accepted? Jesus' words "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." (Matthew 5:17), "This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms." (Luke 24:44) made me believe in the OT as inspired and about Christ. The Protestant Canon is accepted as God's word by the knowledge that the additional books (all in the Old Testament) were only recognised as canonical in the Roman Catholic bible in the Council of Trent only in 1546 and that these additional Old Testament books are not part of the Hebrew Tanakh.

It is highly suspicious that the gospel of Judas or gospel of Thomas were written by Judas and Thomas themselves given that they were commonly attributed to be written in 120-170 AD and 200 AD respectively. Thus they may paint Jesus in a good light or even teach good morals but they will still be suspect as a true account of Jesus.

In addition to the bible, I had also exposed myself to the alternative versions of Jesus, the Jesus as fictionalised in the 'Da Vinci Code', the Jesus as seen in the 'Gospel of Judas', the Jesus as "quoted" in the 'Gospel of Thomas'. My prayerful reading of these materials did not give me enough evidence that these theories are reliable accounts by Jesus on how to get into the Kingdom of God.

Besides the alternative theories of Jesus swooning his way to India, Jesus' kingly bloodline preserved through Mary Magdalene, Jesus advocating freeing the spirit from man as necessity to progress, would you be willing to read about the biblical Jesus and decide if He (as shown through the gospel) is the only way to the Kingdom?

In matters of truth and fact (but not differences in personality), there is only right and wrong. After a car accident, a person is either dead or alive (barely or otherwise), he cannot be both dead and alive at the same time. Similarly, Jesus either is resurrected physically or still dead, He cannot be in both states at the same time. If by making an informed decision of this and standing by it defines me as narrow-minded and hopelessly brain-washed, then I am. But can a person be similarly narrow-minded and stubborn if he refuses to admit the possibility that the biblical Jesus is the true Jesus?

Different Visages, Beautiful Spirits

2006-04-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

Today was the launch of an event my division is handling and similar to other launches/closing ceremonies, there is the usual pandemonium of ensuring all details are in place so that things will run smoothly and that all our invited VIPs will have a comfortable time and hopefully leave with pleasant memories of our organisation.

There was however real difference in this event from other similar launches that I should have anticipated, which affected me spiritually, more than I had expected.

The first was the fact that one of our invited plenary speakers, Mr B is a successful entrepreneur with a difference - he suffered spinal injuries that left him paralysed from the waist down. Yet, armed with determination that he would adapt to the environment and not the other way round, he denied all modifications to his home, continued living in his home which was not served by the lift (that left him having to negotiate the stairs with his wheelchair), started his business specialising in ginseng with his wife and was the first Asian to crawl through burning coals in Anthony Robbins' Unleash the Power Within seminar as part of the firewalk in 1999.

I felt a sense of respect and kinship with him when I read his profile. Kinship because it brought back memories of my own firewalk (walking, not crawling it) in 2001 as part of the same seminar and in fact still bore a scar to when I took my first step of it in fear. Looking at the 25m stretch and legs wobbly with the fear that I would fall halfway through the pit, that first step burnt away my fear and brought my mind to the sharp reality of the 25m ahead of me. "Cool moss, cool moss..." my mind went as I took step by firm step forward, my feet now amazingly unhurt by the hot coals beneath my feet. Although I no longer totally agree with all he teaches, that scar continues to remind me of the truth that focus on fear is not the solution, rather, we're reminded that "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (Phil 4:8)

Respect because I realised Mr B had to conquer so much more fear in crawling through the firewalk. I could imagine his hands acting as his feet, taking the whole weight of his body, step by single step, dragging the entire lower half of his body through the fiery pit. The heat of the coals, while unfelt on my face must have reached his, bringing the increased awareness of danger. Remembering the pain I had experienced when I let fear overcome me, I could imagine the pain and area inflicted magnified if he had allowed the same fear.

A man like Mr B made me very appreciative of the gifts that God had given me and allowed to retain in my life. His personal example also gave me the awareness that "if he can do it, so can I!" That determination to make full use of his life and his God-given faculties gave added meaning to the phrase "to live is Christ, to die is gain." It gave me the added impetus to know my gifts and weaknesses so that I may fully function in the purpose He had given to my God-given life.

The second was the performance by a group of very special youths, a dance item by intellectually-challenged youths. Their faces and mannerisms immediately broadcasting their differences, their enthusiastic styles though broadcasted their zeal for life and their pride at being part of this performance that made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

It made me realize how small alterations in our DNA or minute changes in other circumstantial factors can make huge differences in our biological make-up and how grateful we should be to be given our full faculties and thus the bedrock of our current socio-economic situation because
"you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. " (Ps 139:13-16)

In view of the care He had taken in creating and maintaining us, by His thought and breath we were made, isn't it natural that our response should be:
"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Ps 139:17-24)

Answering Da Vinci Code

2006-03-30T08:06:00.000+08:00

Went for the Adult's Meeting at ARPC where our moderator explains the reasons for the series of services that will be answering the claims made in the fictional work of "The Da Vinci Code". The below is the summary my understanding:

The phenomenon of "The Da Vinci Code" had led to millions of readers accessing it - and this is before the movie is out. In his book, claims of a different (or better) bible, a different (or better) church and a different (or better) Christ were made. Hurray, there is no more problem of sin! *sic*

In the author's website, there is a 'bible study' and questions asked in this 'bible study' (aside: I wasn't able to find the 'bible study' in his website, let me know if you see the link) seek to change the faith of the reader.

If "The Da Vinci Code" is a person's first experience with Christianity, they will be bound to leave with a deep-seated distrust of Christianity. Many people whose first encounter with the Japanese was during the Japanese Occupation during World War II still carried with them the deep-seated hatred of them and continued in their perception of their race as brutal, cruel and barbaric.

These services will equip Christians to be certain of what they believe in and with the knowledge required to be able to engage others, who are going to see the movie, in intelligent conversation.

These are the details of the services on "The Real Bible Code":

A Different Bible (2nd April, 9a.m or 11a.m)
A Different Church (9th April, 9a.m or 11a.m)
A Different Christ (16th April, 9a.m or 11a.m)

Our services are at Kuo Chuan Presbyterian Secondary School (note that we meet at the secondary school) at 10 Bishan Street 13. It's a 5-10 min walk from Bishan MRT. Buses that stop outside Kuo Chuan itself are 56, 410G. If you would like to clarify anything, you can call our church office at 6466 0119 or visit our website at www.arpc.net

In addition, our discipleship groups (DG, commonly known as cell groups in other churches) will be furthering the discussions heard during the services:

Week of 2nd April (2/4/2006-8/4/2006): On the Bible
Week of 16th April (16/4/2006-22/4/2006): On Christ

If you'd like to visit my DG (it meets on Wednesdays@8p.m, in the Redhill MRT area) to discuss these issues in greater depth, you can e-mail me or alternatively call our church office at 6466 0119 or visit the website at www.arpc.net for details of other DGs.

Struggling with Worldliness

2006-03-27T23:32:00.000+08:00

'And yet....' he said, 'and yet Father, I am terribly afraid. I am afraid that the things the Landlord really intends for me may be utterly unlike the things he has taught me to desire.' (Taken from "Pilgrim's Regress" by CS Lewis, in chapter "Archetype and Ectype".)

My recent conversation with Neonangel made me voice out a thought that surprised me and that also woke me up in the middle of the night.

I remembered waking up feeling utterly miserable and resentful that most good things in my life came because I have to overcome greater opposition and work much harder than most people to get them. A cesspool of emotions whirled in me. Bitterness - that I have to put in so much more effort than others for the same results; envy - that comfortable circumstances and thus freedom of choice just sail to selected people; anger - that I am not one of these selected people and why despite working so hard being 'good', I still don't see my desired rewards.

Should a New Ager approach me at that point and exclaim, "Sister, I envy you, the journey itself is half the fun. Long is the happy road in front of you." I'll happily pay the price of throttling the 'envious' individual to death.

Added to this depressing train of thoughts is this fear, reflected in the above passage from "Pilgrim's Regress": What if there is some sweet reward that God did not want me to have? Why did God not make me smarter? More alert? Quicker-on-my-feet? More capable? More courageous? That'll convince me tremendously towards His commitment to see good in my life!(That serpent that tempts and whispers!)

It's easy to prescribe the cure, but hard to take the medicine. (Well-meaning advice: Sister, you need to be contented with your current situation. Think about the many good things in your life you can be grateful for: Roof over your head, food on your table, your family's with you alive and well, and you have friends some of whom think well of you. Response: Yes but duh, everyone around me has them. The Christians around me have the gift of salvation, these things AND *etc etc* Am I the runt in the litter of offsprings of God?)

Yet it's only in quiet reflection of these things I want that I start to see the sliver of light that signals the end of the tunnel. I'd find the truth is I didn't exactly want these things but I want the perceived benefits that come with these things. I don't really want to be ultra rich, but I want to be secure and avoid the fate of a karang guni woman when I'm old (guess I can't be accused of being complacent huh? ;) ) I don't really want to be popular but I want to be trusted, liked and accepted. I don't really want to be with someone but I want to be unconditionally and exclusively loved.

Unlike a lot of humble, godly Christians in my life, I don't serve Him only to do my best to please Him. It is hard for me to be motivated to do something simply because it's my duty. Rather, I serve Him because I trust that my reward will come when He comes again. I trust that (besides being the ultimate Judge) He is the fulfilment of all my innermost desires (ultimate security, sacrificial acceptance, exclusive love.) For hadn't He already shown His Irresistible Grace, His exclusive love, for me when He made His clarion internal call, personally to me? I trust that my Maker who formed me (and my innermost desires) in the womb will know what best satisfies; my Bread of Life, my Living Water. I trust that By Him I will never hunger and thirst again.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. " (Ps 34:8-10)

Long (and joyful) is the road by which my heart will learn this.

Being His Daughter

2006-03-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

A Single Friend (F): Oy you alright or not, now that's J's attached?

Me: I'm alright, why do you ask?

F: Coz I've personally experienced how different life could be when your close friends get attached and you're aren't. It feels like they've moved on to a different stage in their lives and left you behind. Your friendship with that person changes doesn't it? Doesn't it affect you?

Me: Yup, you're right in this way that something went "missing" when we pass the previous friendship we have. Sure she has moved (The word 'on' spawned another mini-discussion) to a different place and now has an additional role as someone else's girlfriend. We just have to accept that things change and continue loving them the way God called us to. After all, we can move on because *wink* aren't we called to place our trust and be filled only in Him?

To a certain extent, this conversation evoked memories of a much much earlier conversation (years ago) when, in an emotional moment, in the middle of a debate, my pa blurted, "You now call someone else your Father."

For it is true, that:
"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." (2 Cor 6:18)

I comprehend then, but did not fully appreciate what he was feeling. Now with such an experience under my belt, I start to understand a little bit more of what that sense of loss - like a vacuum in the heart - feels like which my pa must have felt for me, his own flesh and blood; a feeling which is a thousand times more than I did with a good friend.

For isn't this true with worldly relationships? Sons and daughters leave their family's household when they get married (in obedience to Gen 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."); friendships become indifferent when 1 or both parties get attached (or some other reasons that require a change in circumstances); husbands may feel neglected when the children come along.

Yet I can't help but feel that this shouldn't be the case when I become His Daughter.

For our worldly relationships are determined by space and time. Relationships are begun only when our paths happen to cross each other in the same space at a particular time. It could be in the same hangout, online in the same forum/chat room, same work place at the same time. And generally, these relationships are developed within the constraints of space and time at the opportunity cost of other relationships which you may be able to develop. Time spent with family normally means the expense of time spent with friends, relatives, colleagues, work and vice versa. True, the constraint of space is somewhat breached by modern technology: the phone, the internet etc but this case stands generally true.

Yet the situation with God, our unchanging Father, is different. He is beyond space. He won't be at the esplanade catching a concert at 8p.m Saturday night; He won't be logged on to gchat while checking His e-mail. He is everywhere. We come to be acquainted with Him through family, friends, colleagues, our own study of His Word or any other means by which He chooses to intersect us that particular space at that particular time. What's more, as His Daughter, given the Holy Spirit, God lives in me. (He is always in my space.)

Our eternal Father is beyond time. I can communicate with Him anytime: In the middle of spending time with another friend, in my personal time with Him, in the middle of working through a task. He talks to me through His Word, promptings of other friends (especially those who are deeply immersed in His Word), or reminders of previous bible studies I've already done. He can communicate back to me anytime.

A relationship that is beyond space and beyond time, shouldn't that mean a deeper relationship with Him needn't mean the lessening of our relationship with others? In fact, a deeper relationship with Him would mean the deepening of relationship with others. His second greatest commandment (after the commandment about our relationship with Him) is "Love your neighbour as yourself." Wouldn't that mean that being a Daughter that pleases Him should naturally lead to becoming a more loving husband/wife to your spouse? A more loving son/daughter to our parents? A more loving friend? A more loving employer? A more loving employee?

A lot of times, I'd wondered about the accuracy of the allegory of the wheel where our relationship with Him is the centre spoke while other areas of our life are the peripheral spokes that extend from it to our lives. Shouldn't our relationship with God be one more of those peripheral spokes and not the centre? Perhaps this is one of the factors why this allegory works and another justifications why we should be centering on Him in our lives (as if He needs another justification!) A great relationship with Him should generally lead to better relationships with the people God put around us.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; ....those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. " (Ps 34:8;10)

Seven Questions

2006-03-26T17:26:00.000+08:00

Found this exercise from Neonangel's blog a pretty cool dig into my whimsical mind:

Seven Dreams before Death:
1) Being wise
2) Beloved by people
3) Go to Israel and appreciate the landmarks seen in His Word
4) Read and understand the bible in the original languages
5) Having successful businesses
6) Being a best-selling author/recording artiste
7) Giving a great concert to a packed auditorium (preferably as part of a band)

Seven "No Ways" in this lifetime:
1) Bungee Jumping
2) Fixing machines/light-bulbs/computers etc
3) Being a missionary parmanently stationed in a third-world country
4) Stop aspiring
5) Buying luxury items only for indulgence (e.g Godiva chocolates) for myself
6) Bleaching my hair white
7) Get by without love

Seven Sparks to my heart:
(Beep! Entering private domain.)

Seven things I say:
1) Actually, Basically....
2) Could you repeat that again?
3) Sorry, I can't hear you....
4) (repeat previous words or phrases while thinking through my thought processes)
5) Ermmmmm.... (when my mind blanks out suddenly)
6) What did you say again?
7) Please forgive my ears that had experienced the wisdom of my age....

Seven books I like:
1) Gospel of John
2) Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis
3) Screwtape Letters by C.S Lewis
4) From Good to Great by Jim Collins
5) The Perfect Store: Inside Ebay by Adam Cohen
6) Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot
7) Pilgrim's Regress by C.S Lewis

Seven shows I like:
1) Legally blonde
2) A beautiful mind
3) Constantine
4) Buffy the Vampire Slayer
5) Phantom of the Opera
6) LOTR trilogy
7) The Matrix

Seven things on my wishlist:
1) A decent home recording studio (optimised for the working on and recording of song compositions)
~~2) Thesaurus of Scales and Melodic Patterns by Nicolas Slonimsky~~(bought)
3) Godiva chocolates
4) The CD containing a song (can't remember the title!) that Bob James plays during his Jazz Workshop here in Singapore on the 7th March (now you know why this is a wish list huh?)
5) To complete my C.S Lewis collection (Still wondering what books by C.S Lewis I have yet to own?)
6) The definitive book that will help me write bewitchingly (Is there such a book around?)
7) The definitive book that will help me give a public address/lesson while holding my audience spell-bound (What about this topic?)

YOU are now tagged. Send me your answers or link to your blog should you post it there to the Seven Questions either via e-mail, comments. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Reflections on the Chu-Han War

2006-03-14T23:19:00.000+08:00

I've just finished the last episode of "The Conqueror's Story" (literal translation of Mandarin title was "Proud Heroes of Chu and Han") on Channel 55 of SCV. It is a dramatisation of an actual period in Chinese history when the lands of Chu and Han were at war for dominion over the whole of China after the Qin Dynasty. Watching this show, my mind was fascinated at the rich Chinese history that had been preserved in Chinese idioms.

For example:
破釜沉舟 (Break all the cooking pots and sink all the ships): This idiom means the fierce determination to reach your goal at any cost, even if it requires the cutting off of any alternatives. It came from the historical event of Xiang Yu (later the Prince of Chu, who led a rebellion against the Qin dynasty) ordering the breaking of all the cooking pots and sinking of all ships after crossing the Zhang river. He issued 3-days rations to all his soldiers and warned them that all exit routes except the total defeat of the Qin soldiers had been cut off - it's do or die.

四面楚歌 (Chu songs on all sides): This idiom refers to the decisive point in battle when the Han soldiers had Xiang Yu and his army hemmed in on all sides. In order to break the morale of the Chu soldiers, he had his soldiers play Chu songs so that Xiang Yu's soldiers would be homesick and give the impression that many of the people of Chu had fallen in with the Han people. It thus refers to suffering in isolation, bearing the knowledge that even your allies have fallen in with your enemies.

成于萧何，也败于萧何 (Made by Xiao He, yet also destroyed by Xiao He): With Xiao He's persuasion and recommendation, Han Xin was made commander-in-chief to Liu Bang, the Prince of Han. However, after the establishment of the Han dynasty, it was also Xiao He's machinations with the Empress Lu, that led to Han Xin's death by execution. Thus the idiom referring to the same person who made me was the same person who destroyed me refers to this person Xiao He.

My heart was touched at the scene of 霸王别姬 (hegemonic prince's farewell to his concubine). Often depicted as the romantic, noble hero, Xiang Yu, the self styled 西楚霸王 (hegemonic prince of Western Chu) was bidding farewell to his favourite concubine, Lady Yu, who was performing a sword dance during the last decisive battle where he fell.

项羽：力拔山兮气盖世，时不利兮骓不逝，骓不逝兮可奈何？虞兮，虞兮奈若何？
Xiang Yu: My strength uprooted mountains, My spirit overstepped the world; But the times are against me, And my horse can gallop no more. Even if he can gallop on, what can I do? Lady Yu, what will become of you?

虞姬：汉兵已略地，四方楚歌声。大王意气尽，贱妾何聊生！
Lady Yu: The Han soldiers had overtaken the land, only the songs of Chu hangs in the air. My lord's determination has reached its end, how can your humble concubine live on!

She slit her throat and died so that Xiang Yu need not worry about her and can concentrate on the battle. My tears were streaming down my cheeks at that point in time.

What got my spirit though was the drama's depiction of Liu Bang's (Prince of Han and later the Emperor of China when he established the Han Dynasty) fictional struggle to renege on his promise and betray his sworn brother, Xiang Yu (ironically, also his enemy, the Prince of Chu) and the philosophy of his advisor:

"Justice does not lie in the hearts of men, right or wrong is dependent on the circumstances. Yet I do not know about ultimate justice."

In the earlier parts of the series, it looks like cunning, shrewdness, ruthlessness is richly rewarded. Empress Lu, through ruthless means and sacrifice of family members, propelled her husband, Liu Bang to establish his kingdom and herself as the Empress. She was also seen as the real person who pulled the strings when her son Emperor Hui took over the throne. The emperor who succeeded Emperor Hui was even more of her puppet king. With this power, she was able to promote many of her relatives to positions of influence.

Ending the series at this point would have pointed to serious considerations if simply being morally right is enough? Look at the way she abused Concubine Qi after the death of her husband - cutting off her limbs, shaving her head, gouging out her eyes and cutting off her tongue and having the concubine exhibited as the Human Pig until the concubine died from all the torture. She herself, on the other hand, led a blessed life to her end. Is there real, ultimate justice?

Yet after her death, her whole clan was exterminated and the son of Concubine Bo, reputed to be a simple, humble and thoughtful woman, was made emperor and the entire empire was his and his descendents for the majority of the Han Dynasty.

Somehow, knowing this bit of history, makes me remember these bible verses, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." (Ex 34:6-7)

It also makes this psalm come alive for me when I read this bit of history, a psalm that was a reflection of the questions in my heart during my personal struggle in the past few months, and prayerfully my lifetime hope and reward in heaven:

"A psalm of Asaph. Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.
For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong.
They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills.
Therefore pride is their necklace; they clothe themselves with violence.
From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.
They scoff, and speak with malice; in their arrogance they threaten oppression.
Their mouths lay claim to heaven, and their tongues take possession of the earth.
Therefore their people turn to them and drink up waters in abundance.
They say, "How can God know? Does the Most High have knowledge?"
This is what the wicked are like—always carefree, they increase in wealth.
Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.
All day long I have been plagued; I have been punished every morning.
If I had said, "I will speak thus," I would have betrayed your children.
When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me
till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.
Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin.
How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors!
As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies.
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds." (Ps 73)

Beyond the Valley of the Shadow of Death

2006-03-11T21:42:00.000+08:00

2 nights ago, in the queue at McDonalds, I caught myself thinking, "What a cute guy." about its branch supervisor.... moments before he caught me staring at him!

Embarrassed yet exhilarated, I shared this incident with 2 of my friends via sms. I was exhilarated not because he was THAT cute, but because it had been so many, many months since my heart was moved by ANYthing - be they touching, attractive or male. :p

It felt like I had walked through the valley of the shadow of death as new depths of fear, uncertainty and feelings of inferiority were plumbed in the past few months. There is a blanket between the world and me and I'd find it so hard to take in anything of the world. Everyday, I could feel a part of me shrinking, shrinking trying not to sense the world, cause every touch brings pain and a sense of unworthiness. Every morning, I'd find that I'd try to will myself to get back to sleep, much much later than the time that I'm supposed to be awake just so that I can escape from the day, and its pain.

Thus, it is no wonder that my heart stopped feeling for the things around me, so as to stop being (negatively) affected by them - including the beauty around me. Brad Pitt could simply walk by me and I would have been totally oblivious. I was like a zombie sleep-walking through the world, a parasite only feeding on the world's resources.

So you could understand the reason for my excitement at discovering that my heart had been moved. This in no way compromised my consistent experience of completeness in Christ, irrespective of my marriage status, but is an indication of my emotional and mental recovery.

Many times in the past few months, I would inwardly groan as I wake up for the day, "God, no, I can't face today! Please, please, bring me to You and take me out of this messed up world," and day by day, somehow, I would get through it - retiring at night never having the insurance that I would be able get through the next.

And yet at the moment when His goodness and glory will be most greatly witnessed - after taunting unbelievers implied that my troubles are an indication that my God was no help to me - He provided for me, to the gnashing of their teeth and provided me with the means to be somewhat gracious, prayerfully for their moment's pondering that perhaps, I do serve the true God.

Frankly, I'm kept humble by the fact that I'm still stumbled by words which tumbled unthinkingly from my mouth (a failing which showed up again this afternoon! Prayerfully, the consequences of this won't be great.)

Yet, I am still quietly grateful for my mind was brought to the promise by this 'cute' incident that highlighted the start of my recovery (no doubt due to the changes in my circumstances), "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (1 Cor 10:13)

For "(our) God (had) met all my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:19) Praise be His name forever.

Seminar on the Reformed faith in Singapore

2006-02-18T09:48:00.000+08:00

There will be a 4-day theological seminar by Reverend Dr Stephen Tong on the topic on the Reformed Movement from Feb 23-26 at Newton Life Church. The various timings are as follows:

Feb 23 (Thursday): 7.30 pm - 10pm
Feb 24 (Friday): 7.30 pm - 10 pm
Feb 25 (Sat) : 6pm - 8pm
Feb 26 (Sunday) : 8.30 pm - 10 pm.

For more information about him, you can go to:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Tong
http://www.stemi.org/

Just a note that he normally preaches in Mandarin in Singapore and then each of his points immediately translated to English by another pastor. Personally, I've been very encouraged by his messages to move towards living that is more consistent with what the bible espouses. I hope that you'll be similarly encouraged!

Memoirs of a Swinging Single/ 单身贵族回忆录

2006-02-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

"Hey, where's your boyfriend? Have you hidden him somewhere?" A cheeky auntie opened up this 'sensitive' topic the humourous way.

I laughed out loud,and replied, "If he exists, He's still hiding in the will of God."

"Have you been too picky?"

"I'm actually open to what life brings me. If he comes, I won't refuse, if he doesn't, I'm also ok with it."

"Please, what's so good about singlehood? Isn't it better to have someone who loves and adores you?"

I did my best to replace the inner triumph with humility on my face, knowing that she means well, "In Christ, I am complete." With a smile on my face, I left the kitchen serenely.

For some time, I've faced Lunar New Year with dread, knowing the awkward questions I'll (as other singles will) be facing. I'm unaware when my thoughts of it start to change but gradually, I became increasingly aware of the good opportunity to share about my faith and how it affects my guiding principles and the hope it brings me. It might be coming from a growing sense of peace (that I have had for a few months now) of being comfortable and fulfilled as opposed to a previous sense of emptiness and the aching need to be with someone.

For "each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." (1 Cor 7:7, spoken in the context of gifts of being married or unmarried.)

For people who came to our Hope only later in life and who were not born in Christian families, you might have gone through the same spiritual journey as I. Similar with other unbelievers, my security and trust was in assets, type of job done, our legal system and man's 'intrinsic goodness'; my hope and relational needs in men I date, friends, dream of the perfect family I'm going to help raise and the various societies and clubs I'm a member of; my esteem in praise of men and confidence in performance skills of public speaking, singing and the outward appearance.

It takes the trials of life to realize the innate imperfectness of things, so easily changed by economics, society and personal circumstances, that I've placed my trust, hope and confidence in.

Yet for the citizens of the world, these are still the only things, imperfect as they are, they can place their trust, hope and confidence in and they'll cling to it tightly, even desperately, for what better hope can they have?

It gives me a great wave of gratitude in expressing this to realize that in whatever circumstances I'm placed in - bright youth or doddering old age, in world peace or war, in wealth or in poverty, in sickness or in health, being married or unmarried - one day all these will pass away and our Bridegroom will wipe away every tear for "we will see His face, and His name will be on our foreheads. And night will be no more..... For the Lord God will be our light, and we will reign forever and ever." (Rev 22:4-5)

And what better way to live for the hope and glory of God than through our singleness? Witnessing through our lives that we don't run after the things of the world but simply to think, act and speak to God's glory, accepting with thanks whatever gifts our God chooses to bestow on us, working for our daily bread, letting our words be consistent expressions of what we're living through our lives.

Perhaps I may sing a different tune 5-10 years down the road (hopefully not!) but whatever I may sing in the future, this is the reality of how God sees our individual lives isn't it?

“咦，你男朋友呢，你是不是把他藏在哪里？”我一个俏皮的姨妈这么打开这敏感的话匣子。

我开怀大笑，回应，“如果他存在的话，他还藏在神的旨意里。”

“你是不是太挑剔了，谁都看不上眼？”

“我很随缘的，来的话我不回拒，不来的话也没关系。”

“拜托，单身哪里好，有人爱有人疼才好嘛。”

我尽能力谦卑的笑，因知她是好意相劝，“在基督里，我已得了完全。”脸上仍挂着那笑容，我安详的离开厨房。

曾经很畏惧农历新年，和它肯定（对单身人士）带来的问题。但是不知曾几何时，我渐渐的发现这是最好的时机，字里行间，我能够自然的表达我在基督里活出的原则，和盼望。这可能始于我内心深处增强的平静感，这股满于现状的平安跟我几个月前感觉的空虚，更显示出强烈的对比。

“各人领受神的恩赐，一个是这样，一个是那样。” （歌林多前书 7:7，提的是单身或已婚的恩赐。）

对于那些只在后来才渐渐认识耶稣的，您也许和我一样经历过同样的属灵路程。像其他的非信徒，(to be continued....)

To the Christian Church

2006-01-28T23:29:00.000+08:00

Happy Lunar New Year! For all the Chinese worldwide who are celebrating the new year with their families, may it also be a time of reflecting of our walk with Him with respects to our family in Christ.

Reading the below link made me reflect on my relationship with my siblings-in-christ, what I'm doing with respects to His great commission and the reminder of the importance of doctrine I know and am living by. May you be as edified as I had been in reading through it.

http://www.carm.org/church.htm

Italian courts to decide if Jesus exists

2006-01-25T12:24:00.000+08:00

What do you make of this news report?

http://sf.indymedia.org/news/2006/01/1723680.php

Lessons learned from "Gospel of John"

2006-01-16T13:04:00.000+08:00

Rented the "Gospel of John" from a nearby video rental store because our church will be covering John's gospel during this season. John's gospel holds a special place in my heart because it was in the studying of this gospel in that (oh so far off) 3-4 years ago that brought about my true conversion of my heart and mind. That truly started my journey of recognizing and acting out of Jesus Christ as God and Lord of my life.

Barring the danger that the video may contain subtle deviations in the details of history, I thought it was a pretty good movie for clearing up certain chronology of actions and events in my mind. When the movie presents Jesus appearing to His disciples that very same day He was resurrected from John 20:19; Seeing His wounds, visible marks but obviously fully healed, my heart couldn't help crying out "How can people believe that Jesus did not die on the cross but that He simply swooned and woke up later and appeared to His disciples? His old perishable body would have been a bloody mess with all those raw gaping wounds and it would have been so obvious to His disciples!" Of course this sore throbbing of my heart was soon, unfamiliarly, mixed with unsuppressable laughter when Jesus' breathing on His disciples as a symbol of receiving the Holy Spirit was absurdly depicted (Having said this, I must admit I can't think of a better way to express this on video). It is also good as it makes some of the events and bible verses come to life for me given that it is a word-for-word literal expression from the Good News Version of the bible. (Hmmm.... evangelical event centering around this video?)

It is always so amazing to see how we could apply His word in our specific circumstances. Going through a period where I feel that injustice had been done against me and what brought me through with some tattered remains of grace and peace was the continual, conscious reminder to "leave room for God's wrath" on them. I thank God that although these events, which are worrying and nerve-wracking, could have turned me into a bitter, vindicative woman (an eye for an eye!), that I may and am depending on Him, day by day, on His sovereignty over everything and care and that verse kinds of bring me through all these. Also thankfully, are my siblings-in-christ who rallied around me and gave me their time and energy sometimes to wait for me so that they can be with me, listen to me, sometimes for nothing better to do than to do the boh liao thing of speculating of alternative lifestyles and different lands. For all that precious time when they could be doing something else more interesting or for more productive things for themselves that they have dedicated to me and my worries, I am truly grateful. May this gratefulness not just end here but result in true real service and prayers for them.

But I'm digressing, the Gospel of John even speaks to me in this period. The first wrench occurs when John the Baptist proclaimed in John 1:29 "Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" (I'm using the ESV bible because I'm not able to find the Good News version) My heart rebelled because I am reminded that rather than wishing for God's wrath to come to them NOW, what I'm called to do is to pray for them and pray for them to be saved. For no one can bear up to God's wrath when it comes, it will be a lake of burning sulphur that will burn ETERNALLY. Even should they be our worst enemies, do we really (truly in our deepest spirit of the Spirit that God gives us) want them to suffer forever? Frankly, I do want them to feel the threat that I feel and to go through the unease that is in my heart, I want them to experience the full measure of the anger, the bitterness, the insecurity that they've stirred in me and it is the verse "leave room for God's wrath" that gives me a measure of peace and not pursue vindication and destruction. But to pray for their salvation, that they may escape God's wrath, even for the wrath against them for what they've done against me, is a real struggle.

John 14:27 further consolidates this lesson “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you…. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” When Jesus comes again, His peace will be with us. We will not see the flames and the judgement He has reserved for all who do not believe in Him. Ultimately, I have what matters to God, and I need not be afraid of what the world can dish out to me.

In worrying and thinking about the direction in my life and how it will affect my lifelong retirement bread, John 4:34 comes to me "My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work." The meaning and struggle for this is obvious isn't it? Rather than worrying about "What shall we eat or drink?", our focus should be on doing what He tells us to do and to go on in that.

John 8:48-59 shows an account of Jesus' (a Jew) showdown with other Jews. Their dialogue shows that Jesus is either a liar, a madman or truly the Son of God. By the fact that Jesus is a Jew, He cannot possibly mean himself being the Son of God the way that New Agers mean. It is an eye-opening exercise to read that portion with the full understanding of the context of what Jews believe and know.

There are actually plenty more things that I've learned that was shown in this movie. If you have around 3-4 hours to spare, this is really a good movie to see, not only for a visual representation of John's gospel, but to be better able to understand the context of the various events written in the gospel. Highly recommended.

Concept of Trinity

2006-01-10T12:48:00.000+08:00

A couple of people I've talked with seemed to be genuinely confused about the concept of trinity. I'm sorry I was unable to give an adequate response there and then but this web-site helped me to concretize some of these concepts in my mind. I hope these references are as helpful to you as to me:

http://www.carm.org/doctrine/trinitylook.htm
http://www.carm.org/doctrine.htm

Or if like me, you're one of those people who like to prop yourself within warm blankets with a good book, you can read "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis and focus on the chapters of "The Three-Personal God", "Good Infection" and "Two Notes". (I'd really recommend reading the whole book through because C.S Lewis really illustrated Christianity logically and rationally through with down-to-earth examples.)

For seekers, I know that this is a concept that appears to confuse matters, making our search for "How can I know and get close to the true God?" appear to be difficult.

For me, my previous search to know God was blessed by the fact that I was only focused in exploring if Christ is really God when questioning "How can I know and get close to the true God?" The questions I asked were:

- Is Jesus a real historical person, not a myth?
- Is he really who He claims to be: God, and the only way to know God? Can He just be a prophet or a teacher, similar to other teachers and prophets, who only teaches good morality but who has no real power to bring us to God?
- Is the bible reliable? Can the eyewitnesses accounts in it (Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, first 4 chapters in the New Testament) be trusted?
- Even if He is who He say He is and accounts of Him in the bible are accurate, why should I get right with God through Him now? Are there good reasons why I should hurry?

For me personally in my walk with Him, I'd only find the above instrumental in my rational decision of whether He is God before I'm willing to place my trust in Him but of course, there may be other unique questions (including the above question on Trinity) that you may need answered before you can trust Jesus as the only way to God, that is perfectly ok. In which case, do find the answers to these questions quickly. :)

Love in Action

2006-01-09T22:40:00.000+08:00

Visited Mandarin Ministry on Sunday and was surprisingly rewarded by V's sharing on the trip to Israel in late November/early December.

1st Lesson: In the midst of enjoying the presentation, there came an unexpected moment when my throat choked with tears when she showed a picture of a tree that was apparantly the tree climbed by Zacchaeus, the tax collector who was trying to catch a glimpse of Jesus.

Luke 19:2-10 "A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. He wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.

When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today." So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.

All the people saw this and began to mutter, "He has gone to be the guest of a 'sinner.' "

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount."

Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.""

Up till now, I still have no idea why I was so touched. Perhaps it was the immediacy of Zacchaeus's response once Jesus stayed with him, perhaps it was the reminder that in His graciousness, He had shown me how wretched, how far away from Him I was and am, yet how low, how long and how deep He had to go in order to call me out of darkness, to be found in His wonderful light. It made me ponder if I'm responding as rightly, as quickly and as lovingly as Zacchaeus to Him as He condescends to make His home in me?

2nd Lesson: Later, talking to a brother-in-christ, Y, and fighting to express myself as well as I could in Mandarin my concerns, he suddenly stopped me and asked me pointedly, "Are you showing your faith through your daily living?" Confronted so abruptly and so suddenly, I have the strong urge to deny his charge and justify the correctness, the reasonableness of my conduct when he strongly went on, “信心不只是用口说的，最基本是用生活活出来的。” (Faith is not something you just talk about, it's most basically lived out in your life.)[These may not be the exact words that Y used, but the approximate meaning is like this.]

My conscience condemned me from making any defence towards this, so I was only able to meekly manage, “是的，在我生活里，我真得没活出神的爱。” (Yes, I really did not live out God's love in my life.)

On my way to ARPC from SBC, I was reflecting on the words 信心 that brother Y used in his charge towards me. You see, in the way that I habitually use the words 信心，I traditionally use it to express "confidence", a synonym for 自信 (self-confidence)，yet Brother Y used it to mean "faith". I marvelled at the subtleness of the mandarin language as my mind makes the connection and the hairline shift in beliefs that will probably have a huge effect in the way I think in the future. True confidence (and our ability to live out His love no matter the circumstances) can only come from faith in our eternal and unchanging God.

3rd Lesson: As if He is not convinced that I really got it, I got another dose of "What's love in action" when Pastor C preaches on 1 Cor 13, the traditional love passage, which leads to some other personal reflections.

"Love... keeps no record of wrongs....."

Partly inspired by another blog entry, I thought through what it means to love by not keeping records of wrongs. I was known before as a person who you will not want to mess with, a person who will definitely return tit for tat, no matter how paranoid you are, how well-defended you are, you can run, but you can't hide. Should you do wrong to me, the very moment your defenses are relaxed.....

But since spending time with Him, being able to pour out all my grievances to Him, being able to trust that He will right every wrong I have to endure, especially if it's in His name, that one day He will wipe away every tear I have had shed, I'd learn that it is a relief to give up the necessity of building a reputation of speedy, definite retribution and entrust my protection into His hands.

For me, it is the clear recognition, "Ooh, that really, really hurt me.", placing that hurt into His hands, entrusting that somehow, God will call all these into account (including MY account against others) one day, praying through the way I am to actually, wisely continue to practise "loving him/her as myself". Most importantly to continue in my life, my God-given life ministry to bless those He had called me to bless, no longer carrying that incident as a baggage.

Another Show of God's Faithfulness

2006-01-02T13:06:00.000+08:00

My decision to share the history of Christ's birth at my organisation's Christmas celebration proved to be a nerve-racking 3 weeks from the time I was tasked with it such that I could hardly sleep well. Politics, navigation of religious/racial sensitivity and personal concern over how I will be perceived by colleagues in the future all made me highly irritable and easily annoyed.

So nervous was I that by the lunch time of the day (30th Dec 2005) I was supposed to share, my fingers were frozen from the cold and my hands were shaking badly. I scurried away from practising on the keyboard to finding a quiet corner with my trusty Palmie as I cried out in my heart to our Lord and prayed for deliverance as I whined about how I'm tasked with all the unpleasant, politically charged tasks.

Somehow, in all the emotional wreckage I was plowing through with prayer, it came to me to read the 'Verse of the Day' from the Losungen I had loaded into Palmie a week before. Although I had only loaded the 2006 version, I decided to check the verse for that day. This was what it turned out:

"Saturday, December 30, 2006
I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. - Ps 40:17"

No matter how many times it had already happened, the seeming full answer to my prayer still always catch me by surprise. Thus I hungrily, thirstily turned to Ps 40 for the full chapter and this was what turned up:

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced ;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.
7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.
8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."
9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.
10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.
11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.
12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.
14 May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.
15 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
be appalled at their own shame.
16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
"The LORD be exalted!"
17 Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.

Somehow, this reassured me that God is with me. Although even up till right now, I am still wondering about the wisdom and perhaps not ready for the natural, worldly consequences of my decision, yet I am at ease that God is with those who seek to glorify His name even should the actions be foolish and without wisdom - not that He will definitely shield us from all the consequences, but He knows our motivation and will be glad at that.

God is with us, even if we are going about work which we think are for His service in foolish ways. This doesn't imply we should just dash blindly into the thick of things without thorough thought but that He is our faithful God who is true to His Word ""Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we can say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"" - Heb 13:5-6.

Reminders from Chronicles of Narnia

2006-01-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year! A new year, a new beginning, a reminder again of how in Christianity, we can rejoice logically, with strong justification, that we can love our God with all our heart and mind. That our worship of Him as led by the heart need not be divorced from rational, logical thinking from the mind. (Thanks Pearls for the book "Confessions of St Augustine": I've only read the foreword and already it reminded me again of this additional reason to rejoice).

Watching the movie 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' led me to re-reading the books in 'Chronicles of Narnia' again. Have just finished the 3rd book 'The Horse and his boy' and already selected passages have led me to blubbering like an idiot. These are the most moving passages from each book and my thoughts after each passage:

The Magician's Nephew:
""Son of Adam," said Aslan. "Are you ready to undo the wrong that you have done to my sweet country of Narnia on the very day of its birth?"
.....
"Yes", said Digory. He had had for a second some wild idea of saying, "I'll try to help you if you'll promise to help my mother," but he realized in time that the Lion was not at all the sort of person one coul try to make bargains with. But when he had said "Yes", he thought of his mother, and he thought of the great hope he had had, and how they were all dying away, and a lump came in his throat and tears in his eyes, and he blurted out:
"But please, please - won't you - can't you give me something that will cure mother?" Up till then he had been looking at the Lion's great feet and the huge claws on them; now in his despair, he looked up at its face. What he saw surprised him as much as anything in his whole life. For the tawny face was bent down near his own and (wonder of wonders) great shining tears stood in the Lion's eyes. They were such big bright tears compared with Digory's own that for a moment he felt as if the Lion must really be sorrier about his mother than he was himself.

[Aslan task Digory to get a fruit from a garden that is very, very hard to get to]

Inscription on gate into the garden:
Come in by the gold gates or not at all,
Take of my fruit for others or forbear,
For those who steal or those who climb my wall
Shall find their heart's desire and find despair

[White Witch's temptation of Digory]
"Do you not see, Fool, that one bite of that apple would heal her? You have it in your pocket. We are here by ourselves and the Lion is far away. Use your magic and go back to your own world. A minute later you can be at your mother's side giving her the fruit. Five minutes later you will see the colour coming back to her face. She will tell you the pain is gone. Soon she will tell you she feels stronger. Then she will fall asleep: hours of natural sleep....."

"Oh!" gasped Digory as if he had been hurt, and put his hand to his head. For he now know hat the most terrible choice lay before him.

"What has the Lion ever done for you that you should be his slave?" said the Witch. "What can he do to you once you are back in your own world?".....

"I've brought you the apple you wanted, sir."

"Well done", said Aslan in a voice that made the earth shake. Then Digory knew that all the Narnians had heard those words and that the story would be handed down from father to son in that new world perhaps for ever."

For those in the know, Aslan in Narnia is really the allegory for Christ. I was touched because it immediately showed to me the pettiness of Digory's concerns (although they're godly concerns) in relation to Aslan's plan for Narnia, yet how concerned Aslan was towards Digory's concerns! Luke 12:6-7 "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

There was also no doubt in my mind as I read the story that even if Digory should succumb to temptation and go back to the real world, Aslan will still bring the fruit back some other way to Narnia. (Esther 4:14 "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?")

It is a reminder of my right attitude towards ministry work. Not doing God's work for me will not impede Him in His ultimate plan, yet sometimes, it is simply given as an opportunity for us to gain His praise that He may be pleased with us and receive our inheritance in heaven. (The story ended with how Aslan gave Digory a fruit from the tree (planted from the fruit Digory picked from the garden) that grew in Narnia.

My last thought was that when faced with temptation, sometimes, we may think that our way (not God's way) is also right (re: Digory's godly concern for his mother when faced with the terrible choice) yet not doing what He had explicitly commanded us to do is definitely not the right way.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe:
"It was all Edmund's doing, Aslan," Peter was saying, "We'd have been beaten if it hadn't been for him. The Witch was turning our troops into stone right and left. But nothing would stop him. He fought his way through three ogres to where she was just turning one of your leopards into a statue. .... He was terribly wounded. We must go and see him."

Edmund was the traitor that Aslan exchanged his life for, and at the time when Edmund was in the battle for Narnia, they were only told that Aslan was dead. They were unaware that He had already resurrected. What touched me profoundly was that even without the assurance of Aslan being alive, just the knowledge (of Aslan dying for him) alone, had Edmund dedicating his whole life to Aslan's service, even to the death. Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

The horse and his boy:
""I do think," said Shasta, "that I must be the most unfortunate boy that ever lived in the whole world. Everything goes right for everyone except me. Those Narnian lords and ladies got safe away from Tashbaan; I was left behind. Aravis and Bree and Hwin are all as snug as anything with that old Hermit; of course I was the one who was sent on. King Lune and his people must have got safely into the castle and shut the gates long before Rabadash arrived, but I get left out."

And being very tired and having nothing inside him, he felt so sorry for himself that the tears rolled down his cheeks.

What put a stop to all this was a sudden fright. Shasta discovered that someone was walking beside him. It was pitch dark and he could see nothing. And the Person was going so quietly that he could hardly hear any footfalls. What he could hear was breathing. His invisible companion seemed to breathe on a very large scale, and Shasta got the impression that it was a very large creature. And he had come to notice this breathing so gradually that he had really no idea how long it had been there. It was a horrible shock.

The Person went on beside him so very quietly that Shasta began to hope he had only imagined it. But just as he was becoming quite sure of it, there suddenly came a deep, rich sigh out of the darkness beside him. He had felt the hot breath of that sign on his chilly left hand.

"Who are you?" he said, scarcely above a whisper.

"One who has waited long for you to speak," said the Thing. Its voice was not loud, but very large and deep.

"You're not something dead, are you? Oh please - please do go away. What harm have I ever done you? Oh I am the unluckiest person in the whole world!"

"Once more he felt the warm breath of the Thing on his hand and face.

"There," it said, "that is not the breath of a ghost. Tell me your sorrows."

Shasta was a little reassured by the breath: so he told how he had never known his real father or mother and had been brought up sternly by the fisherman. And then he told the story of his escape and how they were chased by lions and forced to swim for their lives; and of all their dangers in Tashbaan and about his night among the tombs and how the beasts howled at him out of the desert. And he told about the heat and thirst of the ridesert journey and how they were almost at their goal when another lion chased them and wounded Aravis. And also, how very long it was since he had had anything to eat.

"I do not call you unfortunate," said the Large Voice.

"Don't you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?" said Shasta.

"There was only one lion," said the Voice.
.....

"I was the lion." And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."
....

"Who are you?" asked Shasta.

"Myself:, said the voice, very deep and low so that the earth shook: and again, "Myself", loud and clear and gay: and then the third time "Myself", whispered so softly you could hardly hear it, and yet it seemed to come from all round you as if the leaves rustled with it.
.....

"At last they were going in single file along the edge of a precipice and Shasta shuddered to think that he had done the same last night without knowing it. "But of course," he thought, "I was quite safe. That is why the Lion kept on my left. He was between me and the edge all the time.""

The story ends with how Shasta, who had always been a slave, turned out to be King Lune's long-lost son. He wouldn't have found his father if he had not gone through all these 'unlucky' events. 1 Thess 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Shasta's whining reminds me of my own whining and how I harbour resentment that people always seemed to have life easier, smoother and more blessed than I. It's a reminder for me to trust that His will is done in every situation, whether good or bad, and that they are really worked for my ultimate good.

The Church's Accountability

2005-12-24T10:55:00.000+08:00

My pa shared this gossip with me today:

"You know, it is romoured that X church and Y church are under investigations. Their cases may be similar to the recent NKF furore that had happened."

Although I was disturbed and frustrated on hearing it first thing this early afternoon once I've woken up, my reaction was just "Ok, ok" to acknowledge what my pa said without looking at his eyes (an evasive behaviour I'm already doing my best to overcome in ordinary circumstances). Although I don't belong to these 2 churches and my experience with them had led to me not concurring with their ways and views, the possibility of truth in these allegations is a poison to showing Christ's truth and light.

How can I explain to my pa that even if the allegations should prove to be true for these churches, it is the work of sinful men who allow their personal interests and glory to take priority over truthful biblical guidance? Most explanations would mean that I risk breaking up that real unity that Christ bought for true churches in my pa's eyes.

How can I backpedal in my spirited discussion with my aunt, who attends both these churches, some time back in the presence of my unbelieving ma as we talk through issues of stewardship of money?

People, who are in positions of influence in churches, and their accountability with the resources they were gifted with are in that thankless position of:
a) Not being acknowledged when they are faithful with what is given them within their official capacity. Most of the congregation just took it that spiritual leaders are uncorruptible as granted and given.

b) Should they be using these resources for personal gains, it will potentially make headlines in news which made believers disillusioned/wary of their church's leaders and potentially biblical teaching and unbelievers either trumpet about the hypocrisy of Christians/ Christian leaders or mock at the perceived lack of show of unity should Christians make explanations.

This is a reminder for me to show some sign of gratefulness and acknowledgement to our church leaders whom I have reason to believe are faithful with resources given. This may be one way to encourage them and give them impetus for continued godliness in this area.

This is also a good reminder of the care we must exercise in selecting godly authorities over our lives - whether they are churches, boyfriends/girlfriends (for their potential in becoming our spouses) perhaps even bosses or accountability partners. The chinese have this saying, “用人不疑，疑人不用” (trust those whom we have put our lot with, not to go along with people we are suspicious of.) For me personally, I've found that my assurance that comes from my church (which I'm a member of; where I belong) doing its best to live by biblical teaching means that I will choose to trust them to be faithful with my giving. True, I have no assurance that it'll never happen or even that it's happening right now, but even if they should stumble, I will trust that they will get back on the straight and narrow path with God's help.

On the other hand, how would you explain this issue if you are in my circumstances and your unbelieving family shares this rumour?

Younger Brother cheated at lot to give Elder Brother gift of Life

2005-12-21T07:13:00.000+08:00

Heart-wrenching article written on Lianhe Zaobao today:

In Anhui province in China, two brothers named 大胡 (Da Hu, elder brother) and 小胡 (Xiao Hu, younger brother) lived in poverty. Their results and character are outstanding and they are very lovable.

In October this year, Da Hu was diagnosed with a malignant tumour and Xiao Hu was diagnosed with leaukemia not much later. To cure these 2 diseases will cost hundreds of thousands reminbi (approximately between twenty thousand to one hundred thousand sing dollars). Their poverty forced the family to try to borrow money and their school embarked on a donation drive for their students, even the local government donated thousands of dollars, yet after final calculation, there's only enough for one person's treatment.

Both tried to give way to the other brother to get treatment and the parents were also in a dilemma. After some discussion, they decided to go by lot to let fate decide who to get treatment.

Xiao Hu who immensely respects his elder brother wrote on both pieces of paper "treatment" and asked Da Hu to draw the lot first. As expected, Da Hu was "chosen by lot" to go to Beijing for treatment. Before he left, he told Xiao Hu, "We'll still be good brothers in our next life".

The article ended with the question that life should be priceless yet the decision of life or death fell on the drawing of a piece of paper. Are the lives of poor people so cheap?

I will update this post as and when I come across information on how we can help/contact the brothers as directly as possible.

Guidelines on writing a Sermon

2005-12-16T15:12:00.000+08:00

Never written a sermon before and came across this which seems to give pretty practical guidelines on writing sermons:

http://joshharrisblogson.blogspot.com/2005/12/for-pastors-preparing-sermon-with-john.html

For reference of those who may need them.

Radiantly in Love Part II

2005-12-15T11:56:00.000+08:00

Longevity of our loving response towards our Lord comes from true, real knowledge of Him, His Word and His promises. With real, true knowledge as the foundation and a heart that is right with Him, songs will then become one form of expression of our love and gratitude.

This song occasionally expresses how I feel about Him (which I know is inferior to His, shown by His persistent search that led to Him finding and saving me as a shepherd for that one lost sheep (Luke 15:3-7))

Take Me Deeper

Verse 1:
There is a longing only You can fill
A raging tempest only You can still
My heart is thirsty Lord to know You as I’m known
Drink from the River that flows before Your throne

Chorus:
Take me deeper, deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper, deeper than I’ve ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

Verse 2:
Sunrise to sunrise I will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit to the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You a hope that will abide
Here in Your presence forever satisfied

What if the image of this blog is changed...

2005-12-12T18:31:00.000+08:00

[last updated: 12/12/2005]
to this?

I'm wondering about your opinions of it? Thanks to sugar addict for doing up the blogskin. :) I like the general concept, may tweak some minor details. :) Really appreciated for all your effort.

Learning points in "A layman's guide to interpreting the Bible"

2005-12-11T23:32:00.000+08:00

This entry is dedicated to my dear sister-in-christ, my non-DG J - the person who prayed 3 years for my salvation (despite overwhelming odds) prior to my belief.

Dearest J, thank you for being His instrumental helper in bringing me the greatest gift of all in this life - Christ, my sufficient be-all and end-all. May He always be your refuge and fortress, our God in whom we trust. Also, as you have requested, right here, learning points in this book. *You lazy bum ;)*

This looks like the type of book that is good for me but which I think I will never finish. I'm putting it as a blog entry to be updated periodically in order to have a public kick in the butt should I not continue studying this book for right understanding of the bible. On going a little further with the book, it seems that reading the book for yourself will be beneficial. Not only because Walter uses alot of succint, biblical examples (not covered in this entry) that will clarify concepts, his style of writing also inspires greater desire to know His word more.

"A layman's Guide to Interpreting the Bible" by Walter A. Henrichsen

This sentence in the foreword caught my eye, "Christianity used to be a trumpet call to holy living, high thinking and solid Bible study; now it is a timid and apologetic invitation to a mild discussion."

Guiding heart cry of a dedicated Christian - Ps 119:10-11 "I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."

Divided into 3 sections:
I) Interpreting the Word
II) Studying the Word
III) Improving your Bible Study Skills

I) Interpreting the Word

Basic Assumptions:

- Bible is authoritative
- Bible contains its own laws of interpretation, which when properly understood and applied, will yield the correct meaning to a given passage.
- Primary aim of interpretation is to discover the author's meaning.
- Language can contain spiritual truth.
[Updated 27 Nov 2005]

10 general principles of interpretation

1) Bible (not tradition, reason, experience etc) is the final court of appeal
- Person acts and passage goes on to say if the act is good or not
- Person acts and passage did not say whether the act is good -> See action in light of confirmed teaching/clear commands in bible
- Clear commands -> Only applied in immediate circumstances then? Or generally for all time?

2) Scripture interprets Scripture
- Do not add or subtract from scripture
- Unclear portions to be interpreted by other clear passages
- Cross-referencing -> Refer to other passages with the same context, circumstances first. After that, then less importantly by specific words or phrases
[Updated 28 Nov 2005]

3) Saving faith and the Holy Spirit are necessary for us to understand and properly interpret the Scriptures

4) Interpret personal experience in the light of Scripture and not Scripture in the light of personal experience - allow word of God to interpret and shape experiences but not the opposite.
[Updated 11 Dec 2005]

Radiantly in Love / 神采飞扬

2005-12-09T11:33:00.000+08:00

An atheist colleague made an observation today, a repeated comment that she had been making for the past few months:

She: You're glowing, I don't know....., there's something about you. You must have met somebody, didn't you? *conspiratorial wink*
Me: I might have, he just hasn't introduced himself to me yet. *wink back*

This is despite the fact that my face is breaking out worse than ever and I'm feeling greasy and bloated.

On retrospect, I probably should have responded: Yes, I've met the love of my life, the lover of my soul, Christ my Lord. Wanna meet Him over wine and nibbles* tonight?

For it's true, in terms of circumstances, I feel that I'm undergoing the most uncertain time since I've started working (midlife crisis??) and it feels that things cannot go any worse.

Yet God showed His grace and His providence especially through this trying period. At times when I feel so low, I felt like just breaking down and wailing like a baby even in the public, He brought sisters-in-Christ to me who met me by chance right there and then, just when I need them and agreed to my suggestion for lunch/dinner. I meet them at all the funniest places, E from ARPC (Thanks E (I know you're reading this), what can I do without you?) in the lift after work, SIC while going for lunch. They ministered to me by listening as I talk through my problems and possible alternatives, giving me a fresh perspective when I'm unable to get myself out of my moods and be objective.

Thank You for Your family in Christ, how can I not be in love with You? Prayerfully I can rest in Him as I trust that He'll walk me through this valley.

It also gave me the realization that most times, nothing beats just being there for people when they need me. Even if you feel you're no help, even if you feel totally redundant. Of course all these must be put in perspective of our ultimate service in Him but the importance of being there for people cannot be underestimated.

In terms of our relationship with Him, below are also suggestions that I've done at various points in time when I'm dating Him privately:

1) Having a prayer journal, the love letter with Him. It's amazing to see how our prayer priorities change as we grow, it's also a mirror for how we're transformed and a reflection of our new creation in Him. This also helped in the examination of ourselves and our hearts which are liable to deceive us.

2) Praying on bended knees. Hello, this is God you're talking with. Nothing brings home the reality of His majesty and His deserving all honour and glory than this simple act when alone with Him. In serials especially those dealing with ancient times, even the wife of the king must pay her respects to him before speaking with him. What more our God, who's King above all kings, Lord above all lords?

3) Total honesty. When talking with Him, sometimes I'd find myself trying to hide certain unsavoury details in my feelings towards people or circumstances. On reflection, I'm really just trying to hide these from myself in my ill-fated quest to convince myself that "Hey, I'm not that bad." I'd only find inner peace when I bare everything to Him, faults and all. In quiet prayer within my mind alone with Him, I'll burn with anger, wallow in self-pity or exult in pride before I could fully recognise where I have been sinful in my thinking, confess them, pray for help to be truly free from them and ask for forgiveness and clarity to see the blind spots that my heart may not see.

May all of us have a real relationship with Him that we may have an inner peace that can never be taken and which may be a light to people still shrouded in darkness. And may I be there for family and others when I should - even if such interraction may cause emotional pain to me.

*Wine and Nibbles: Aioli @ 5 Boon Tat Street, 1930hrs onwards tonight. E-mail me if you'd like to go and find out more about Christ.

Getting to the root of problems?

2005-12-08T14:39:00.000+08:00

While confiding my problems to a SIC who hails from a chinese presbyterian church (and who incidentally also has a very rich charismatic background), she gave me some simple words that gives me food for thought:

“在哪里跌倒就在哪里爬起来” (Pick oneself up from the same place one falls)

What do you think her words mean? Is there biblical support (and the supporting biblical passages if applicable)? If so, what are possible biblical applications?

Pray for my eyes to be open with wisdom and a heart that is still in trust of Him.

Significance of Worship

2005-12-07T18:28:00.000+08:00

This follows the idea in Definition of Evangelical

I was looking at this article Worship: Evangelical or Reformed

Although I hesitate to agree with the author's definition of evangelical vs reformed, the below quotation got my attention:

"....((F)or evangelicalism), God is present in worship basically to listen. He is not far away; rather, he is intimately and lovingly present to observe and hear the worship of his people. He listens to their praise and their prayers. He sees their obedient observance of the sacraments. He hears their testimonies and sharing. He attends to the teaching of his Word, listening to be sure that the teaching is faithful and accurate.

..... God is indeed present to hear. He listens to the praise and prayers of his people. But he is also present to speak. God is not only present as an observer; he is an active participant. He speaks in the Word and in the sacraments. As Reformed Christians, we do not believe that he speaks directly and immediately to us in the church. God uses means to speak. But he speaks truly and really to us through the means that he has appointed for his church. In the ministry of the Word—as it is properly preached and ministered in salutation and benediction—it is truly God who speaks. As the Second Helvetic Confession rightly says, "The preaching of the Word of God is the Word of God."

God is also actively present and speaking in the sacraments, according to the Reformed understanding. The sacraments are much more about him than about us. He speaks through them the reality of the presence of Jesus to bless his people as he confirms his gospel truth and promises through them.

The effect of this understanding of Reformed worship is that the stress is on the vertical dimension of worship. The horizontal dimension is not absent, but the focus is not on warm feelings and sharing. Rather, it is on the community as a unit meeting their God. Our primary fellowship with one another is in the unified activities of speaking to God in song and prayer and of listening together as God speaks to us. The vertical orientation of our worship service insures that God is the focus of our worship. The first importance of any act of worship is not its value for the inspiration of the people, but its faithfulness to God's revelation of his will for worship. We must meet with God only in ways that please him. The awe and joy that is ours in coming into the presence of the living God to hear him speak is what shapes and energizes our worship service."

Constant Practising and Stage Fright

2005-12-04T16:52:00.000+08:00

People who only know me in the previous 4-5 years (but not people who know me from my youth) will probably laugh at this but I'm really a painfully shy person, socially inept and who used to have a whisper of a voice.

The change was catalysed by a decision made about 5 years ago to overcome this by subjecting myself to making public speeches every week. It's hard to overcome my fundamental personality though because till today whenever I'm faced with the prospect of appearing in the limelight, adrenaline will pump through my body. Mostly it is manageable and I'm able to synergise it to influencing the audience to interest and excitement as well as a staccato delivery.

Sometimes though it manifests itself into paralyzing fear which happened yesterday when I was tasked to accompany singing on the keyboard. My hands and right foot (which was used in the control of pedal) went numb and pins and needles could be felt attacking my 10 fingers and foot. I was frozen in mortification as my mind kept screaming, "I'm paralysed! I'm paralysed!"

I went through the session just on the strength of the numerous practises I have had beforehand, which programmed my fingers to hit the right notes and my right foot to press the pedal at the right time once the first phrase has been played. Even the musical enhancements, naturally and spontaneously placed in when I was enjoying the music during private practise, were there more by automatic command than by conscious design. All the time, my hands and legs were shaking uncontrollably which must be noticeable to the people if they were not so busy burying their faces in the song sheets and my mind was just stuck like a broken record at "I'm paralysed!"

At the end of the session, people were clapping and patting me on my back:
"Well done, CD!"
"Wow I really love the passing fills you placed at the end of <1> line."
"The introduction is inspired."

Although I was grateful for the encouragement they have given me, the positive comments felt unreal to me because the truth is I was not paying attention to what I was playing. My mind was fully focused and simply stuck at "I'm paralysed!"

There were also moments when stuck at stage fright, I had simply frozen from occasions I would have breezed through if I was relaxed. The difference is always the amount of practice I have had before.

With numerous (and sometimes redundant) practice, even if I was stuck, my mind, previously programmed, will kick in and move my body or my words to what will move the event towards its successful conclusion. Without practise, when stuck, the result will be up in the air depending on the chance of what my body or my words express.

Isn't this the same reason why we are asked to persevere on in our walk towards godliness (2 Pet 1:10) and be constantly reminded of our faith (2 Pet 1:12)? It is this constant acting out of our faith that we are best living out the promise of His second Coming and in this sense, are practising on our answer should the ultimate temptation comes to us. This will ensure that our salvation is sure - no matter what our circumstances may bring.

Who knows, one day, we may be facing satan, the father of lies, himself, and we may be paralyzed, beguiled by him and the choices that are open to us. For all we know, the programming we obtained from our repetitive "saying yes" to our faith (be it through church ordinances or our daily obedience in everyday life) may determine our answer at that crucial moment and thus potentially where our final destiny ultimately lies. For all we know, this constant boring repetition may be God's way of choosing us and thus determine our destination.

Who we are (especially in God) is part of a function of our daily decisions in everyday life - whether we're saying "Yes" or "No" to obedience with His will. Be not bored by "this same old thing" which is ultimate truth and the only knowledge that really matter but let it be doctrine that sinks in, into the deepest recesses of our mind.

Definition of Evangelical

2005-12-03T08:44:00.000+08:00

This definition of "Evangelical" that newly popped into my radar is found in a Christianity Today article, C. S. Lewis Superstar

Evangelical Experience: Personal encounter with the God of the universe

"At the end of the day, (Lewis believed that) in Christianity you are confronted with a person that you either say yes to or no to … and that is very evangelical."

Unsure about the theological soundness of this statement, but good food for thought ay?

Songs before Christ

2005-12-02T19:42:00.000+08:00

Some of you are curious about the songs that were composed before I know Christ. Because they were composed in my pre-mp3 player days, I don't have them on audio record. These are some of the titles of these songs in a by-gone age:

1) 幻想 (Fantasy)
2) 友谊 (Friendship)
3) 无奈 (Helpless)

And this is the lyrics of 《友谊》, a sampling of what was composed then. This was for a friend at a time when I thought that my friendship with her was over.

在那黑暗的生日天我们最后一次见面
(In that dark birthday, we meet for the last time)
表面虽然和气心里却空虚
(Although superficially fine, feeling empty inside)
因为找不到共同话题
(Because we weren't connecting)

在这黑暗的雨天里我不禁又想起你
(In this dark rainy day, you, I can't help thinking)
想起我们的友谊可能就此结闭
(Thinking about our friendship, possibly ending)
心里觉后悔却无能为力
(Full of regrets but helplessly standing)

为什么我们以前不结伴同行
(Why were we previously not always agreeing)
却能毫不费力的保存友谊？
(Friendship still effortlessly keeping?)
现在距离愈远思想愈异
(Now the further we drift apart, more we are incompatible)
这是结束的前奏曲
(This is the beginning of the end)

我知道倘若我们勉强在一起
(I know that even if we force our time together)
也会不知不觉地保持距离
(Unconsciously we'll keep our minds apart)
现在你走你地各分东西
(Now you'll walk your way, different directions we'll take)
七年的担子放下坦然分离
(7 years of burden I'll put down, walking away open-heartedly)

Looking back, I thank God for the joy I have in Him. My viewpoint of the world was so dark and my dependence on people and relationships so much more clingy that my sense of happiness and depression is a direct correlation of how well the people around me are treating me. Still unable to shake this off entirely but at least, I know and thus can remind myself of the reality that in Him entirely, I place my life, and thus my emotions.

May we always walk fully in Him.

Stephen Tong in Singapore

2005-12-01T19:27:00.000+08:00

Stephen Tong - a pretty competent apologist will be in Singapore for a Christmas Gospel Rally.

Title: 神与人之间 (Between God and Man)
Date and time: 11 Dec, Sunday, 7:30p.m
Location: Singapore Polytechnic Convention Centre (Near Dover MRT)

I've gone to one of his rallies before and it is very good for intellectuals and sceptics who wants rational reasons proving God exists. The con (for ARPCians)? It's all facilitated in Mandarin.

I'm praying to be able to invite my dad. I believe it'll fulfill a few presumptions at the same time:
i) Christianity is not a western religion - Chinese (race) intellectuals are also in the faith.
ii) Intellectual justification - All religions do not lead to God, a relationship with God is not just good feelings or achievements in this life. There are rational, historically true reasons why Christ is the only way to the Father.

Do pray for me in this.

Godliness - a process, not a stagnant state

2005-11-26T22:55:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I missed Rev J's sermon last week, I should have followed E to last Fri's service, his sermon today was so good.

His sermon today gave me the first inkling that godliness is a process in an individual's life, not a state the individual reaches in this life. The dynamic process of increasing godly behaviour described in 2 Pet 1:5-8 is actually the natural outworking of a heart constantly centred on God - true godliness. And this God-centredness is linked with hope of His 2nd coming, not fear of His judgement, because our salvation is guaranteed by faith.

It is amazing how God gives me timely reminders JIT - just in time - when I have the most need. I thank God that in my short 4 years of being in Him, I have not lost that wonder, marvel and gratitude of His work on the cross and His personal call to me. Yet the past 2 weeks have been a time of testing and uncertainty. At the point where I nearly forgot "_________ is not the boss, uh-uh", I am again reminded who my ultimate boss is and who every person will ultimately have to answer to.

Let me not get to heaven with an embarrassing burnt smell as one just simply escaping the flames, but as one who had constantly looked forward to His praise.

On the note of our state of reigning this earth under Him, here is an incomplete draft of a song resulting from homework from H for participation in a workshop in an upcoming camp. Derived from Rev 5:9-10. Pardon its rawness.

Preview of audio:

Please do not save the audio. Thank you.

Impossible Standards

2005-11-23T20:13:00.000+08:00

Non-ARPC-going Sister-in-christ (SIC): I was in P's (a guy who she shares a mutual attraction with 6-7 years ago) room when I flipped through his journal.

[snip: dialogue discussing morality of going through others' personal belongings]

SIC: I came to the page where he wrote about the qualities he wants in his future wife:
- Pretty
- Cute
- Diligent
- Strong mettle of character
- Young
- Decisive
- Intelligent
- Feminine
.....
(My mind was in shock at that point in time. How can a wife stay consistently young? And how can you expect a young person to show the right mix of iron (strength in character) and silk(read feminine) at the same time?

SIC: I felt so sad on reading this that I really wanted to cry at that point in time. Sad for him, sad for me, sad for all his ex-girlfriends.

You know, CD, he is someone whom I really respect. Very manly, gives people a sense of security, diligent, disciplined and caring. If I did not read his journal, I would never have expected his expectations to be like this. Reading his journal, I sense his yearning for a devoted relationship with a worthy woman yet sets impossible standards for the woman who is to share his life.

I feel sad for myself: CD, one day, I desire to be married and have children. I'm over 30 and looking at his diary, I feel that there's no hope for a woman like me (Note: SIC is a very, very attractive woman with big soulful eyes).
....

I was sad and somewhat shocked when I hear her say this. P is no stranger to me and I know him remotely. If he, a seemingly decent and easy-going guy has such impossible standards in his inmost heart-of-hearts, wouldn't that generally indicate the checklist other guys have in theirs? I've always suspected some level of checklist in most people's minds, the revelation of such extreme expectations though floored me.

It is an indication though of the rules that govern the transactions of 'love' in this world: his wealth with her youth, his brains with her talent, his fame with her beauty; the more you are gifted, the more you expect in your future mate. To be unaware of this is to be an ostrich with its head buried in the sand, we do not have to look far to witness this in the world.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

...When we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved (from His wrath) through his life!" (Rm 5: 8, 10)

While we were still a stinking abominable sight to Him, He died for us. And in His death, He became our glorious bridegroom. It's even more extreme than say Prince William marrying the female elderly toilet cleaner in your office, or Madonna going out with the karang guni man.

Help us to look for what is important in Your sight and express true love the way you had meant.

Afterthoughts of Children's Church Camp

2005-11-21T15:48:00.000+08:00

[Update: Amazing how faces are put to pseudonymous bloggers. Yes Hamster I understand your references. :) Probato, the intro. of you is here. ]

I've barely reached home 30 min ago after Children's Church Camp and boy, has it been very insightful yet tiring.Their boundless energy that forces me to keep up with them; The feeling of being overwhelmed when the kids start bombarding questions at me all together; I love these kids, yet at the same time this experience has helped me appreciate more deeply the gift of singleness as a blessing now as I experience a sliver of the backbreaking work mothers (happily) go through.

Children - sheets of clean paper

It is so amazing, when comparing my behaviour against theirs to learn how much of what has become socially acceptable, conformed behaviour in me. It became a real challenge then to prayerfully discern when their behaviour is simply difference in style (which would make me pharisaic should I correct it) or unloving, unneighbourly behaviour (which would make me overly liberally should I condone it). It is horrifying on reflection that there are many times when I have condoned/ be indifferent/ am too tired to care when I should exert myself to stand firm and correct and many times when I have insisted on my way when it is simply differences in style.

Experiencing them through this camp, it's amazing to experience that children are really sheets of clean paper, innocently expressing through their actions and behaviour who they really are inside. Being with them and being made temporary stewards of authority over them during this camp made me fearful of the magnified effect I have on them. There is so much potential that they can either become beautiful pictures glorifying God or spotted waste paper good for only being thrown into the trash that makes a person conscious of words and actions that are made in their presence. My limited ability with them sometimes mean that I feel overwhelmed by this consciousness and I would space out mentally and emotionally when I should be fully present for them.

Children - Expert Psychologists

They can really tell when you truly care about them or if you're just trying to humour them so that we can get right along in our timeline. My impatient plodding of a child for why she's crying so that I can quickly find out the cause, solve it, sooth her and lead our study to its eventual conclusion within the time allocated leads to her sullen clamming while silent tears continue streaming down her cheeks, while the caring words of PH after I asked her for help while continuing with the study, led to the finding out of the cause and hopefully the total resolution and peace in her heart. I wonder what kind of example I'm setting to the group with this?

Another time, my long-winded treatise of her powers of observation to a child as her strength to her question of what she should do for her future led to her quiet, "I'm observing you right now."

My, "Why?" led to her picture-perfect, "Awww" moment of:
Her: Cause I want to remember you forever.

It is also interesting to note that the children I have had the focus, time and energy to engage in or even rebuke, sometimes fiercely and with glaring eyes, were in the end the children who stuck closely to me and confide in me. Children whom I close one eye conversely were the ones who regard me with apprehension and with an invisible barrier and whom I sometimes find hard to reach. Children really can instinctively discern if you fully care for them or are simply resigned to them and their response to or withholding of love is an immediate feedback of the amount of charity (Christian love) we are exhibiting at that period in time.

God - the ultimate author and perfector of faith, ours as well as theirs

On reflection, alot of stress I feel on trying to be a "paragon of virtue" (and failing miserably in the process) is due to the fact that I'm still depending on my own strength to be a "good Christian". This had led to me (as expressed above) not being fully present for the kids when I should, not finishing up the disciplinary rebuke which I have had rightfully imposed on recalcitrant behaviour (that probably gave them half-baked lessons on what is God-glorifying behaviour), my impatience on 'flogging' the children along the time-table I have had adhered to. This gave me the realization that there's no way for me to help them towards true faith and belief and expressing a true God-as-Lord reverence and love in their lives.

Rather, God brings the children as He wills into our lives, choosing us to be His imperfect ambassadors at His perfect timing, and it is He who cause the seeds we've sown to grow or not. On reflection, there really isn't any need on my part to feel stress (although we should always be aware) about the magnitude of the effect. Our responsibility is simply to do to the best of our abilities, not caring or impatient about man-made time-tables or objectives but simply to respond to His quiet prompting about the right thing to do, which we will only get through prayer in the first place.

Dear God, help me to be still, recognize the central importance of prayer to listen to your gentle commands in my life that I may always do what is pleasing in your sight:

“轻轻听，我要轻轻听，
我要側耳听我主声音。
轻轻听，他在轻轻听，
我的牧人认得我声音。

你是大牧者，生命的主宰，
我一生只听随主声音。
你是大牧者，生命的主宰，
我的牧人认得我声音。”

("Quietly listening, I want to quietly hear,
I want to cock my head and hear His voice.
Quietly listening, He is quietly hearing,
My Shepherd recognises my voice.

He's the great Shepherd, the life's Sovereign Lord,
I'll listen to Him all my life.
He's the great Shepherd, the life's Sovereign Lord,
My Shepherd recognizes my voice.")

Eph 5 Love Story / 以弗所爱的故事

2005-11-14T00:43:00.000+08:00

Some time back, this song was inspired for our friends' wedding which a group of us performed for their church wedding.

It holds a special place in my heart because this is the first song that was inspired after I had become a Christian and it's a song of joy and hope. The songs composed before I believed were all songs expressing disappointment when people close to me had let me down in one way or another and thus this gift and the discovery that I can write uplifting songs is a delight to me.

This is made public after the personal portion of the lyrics have been changed to protect the couple's privacy as and acts as a record of my complete Mandarin lyrics. You can preview the audio below:

Girl: Light of her smile, a stirring in him

Shy advances, first steps from him

Guy: Once in darkness, now hope arising

Will she come to me Lord tell me?

Girl: Feeling empty, will he be coming?

Heart's uneasy, why am I waiting?

Guy: Patience darling, it's in His timing

Trust in Him for God is leading

Bridegroom & Bride: God is watching, two hearts beating

Beating as one, united in Him

Bridegroom: Pledged to love her, keep her holy

Bride: And submit to him in everything

Bridegroom &amp;amp;amp; Bride: Older than time, like Adam & Eve
Bones of his bones, belonging to him
Bride: Great love story, profound mystery
Bridegroom: It's actually of Christ and His redeemed

女：回头一笑已触动他心

慢腾前进为与她亲近

男：本是迷茫希望却降临

梦想能够与她同行

女：孤单侵灵心里又空虚
沸腾情绪坐立不定
男：安定心情凡事有定期
万事都在天父手里

新郎与新娘：神守护你两心欢喜

齐心共鸣在他旨意里

新郎：全心全意爱呵护你

新娘：把我的生命交托给你

新郎与新娘：像创世记里亚当与妻

骨中的骨全都属于

新娘：伟大爱历深奥的秘密
新郎：其实是关于基督与他的子民

Preview of audio:

Please do not save the audio. Thank you.

Special thanks to J for coming out with the chords and piano accompaniment. You've been a wonderful partner in this. :)

In addition, I'd like to record the new version. So if you're a male vocalist who is able to play the piano (preferred)/keyboard at the same time, let me know. It'll also be good if there is a recording facility. :)

I've made changes to the chords (mainly because I've lost the chord chart J has written out for me) and also because I was trying to convey subtle differences in mood (Hope you don't mind, J).

Do let me know your thoughts for this song. :)

Jehovah Jireh

2005-11-13T09:16:00.000+08:00

I was happily singing this song, basically just enjoying the somewhat bouncy rhythm until I was given a gentle reminder, "Think about an area in your life you're facing weakness in, and use this song to express your reliance on His strength."

It was only then, then and not sooner, that the words start to take on life to me. Purely looking at the words, it looks like the author is at a spiritual high and appears to be an exultation of the fulfillment of God's providence in the author's life. However, the key of the song is in a minor which adds a tinge of sadness to the overall mood. The overall interpretation is that the author affirms God's faithfulness in the life and circumstances even in the midst of trials and tribulations.

" My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gave His angels charge over me..."

Isn't it true though? The times when we are at a high will be times when we disregard the presence of God in our lives. Going to church, what we'll hear during sermons are, "Christ is the Son of God.... yada yada yada....." irrespective of what was being said. It's only during times of doubt, times of fear, times of uncertainty, times of trouble, that we will then devotedly listen to His word and promises, depend on His strength and eagerly long for His return.

Any wonder then that God allows trials and pain in our lives (even while providing for us then) that we may not get too comfortable here?

The accompanying bible passage that was given to us may be good food for thought, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Cor 12:9)

A good reason to stay home on Friday evenings

2005-11-11T23:33:00.000+08:00

Falling into the trap of being sucked into the next TV programme following the watching of "She's too young" (a look into the lives of varied forteen-year-old teenagers after they got syphillis), I stumbled across a good programme that turned out to be very educational.

"Wife Swap", a reality TV show that looks into the lives of 2 families whose wives go to live at each other's household for 2 weeks. In the first week, the wives must abide by the lives of their new household which is the lifestyle of the original and rightful wife. In the second week, the wives get to set the rules for their new households.

The first family introduced is a regimented family. The husband used to be a navy officer and runs a tight ship in his household. He will have a room check at 9p.m every evening, wearing a pair of white gloves to run his fingers through every furniture to check if his 2 sons have cleaned their rooms flawlessly. The sons help their mother (his wife) with the housework and the only person who does not do any work and is served like a king is the husband. The wife, Nisee, even has to get his portion for him, pile everything neatly into 1 plate and bring it to him in the living room for him to eat while watching TV. On Nicee's part, I marvel at watching a Proverbs 31 wife in action on TV. She is a full-time homemaker, gets up at 5a.m every morning, takes care of her entire household and keeps herself busy the whole day. Not only does she take care of her own sons, she also takes care of her neighbours' children, some nearly as good as a newborn. Her only fault is her tendency to check on her sons (a 19-year-old and 15-year-old) every hour, finding out where they are and what they are doing, sometimes even going down to where they say they are to find out if they're speaking the truth.

The second family, an overly liberated family, has only one rule: There are no rules in the household. Vicki, the wife, wears the pants and the children (a 9-year-old and a 5-year-old) are allowed to run their lives in any way they like. They can choose to sleep anywhere and at anytime they wish. The husband is unemployed while the wife, Vicki, is the sole breadwinner working the hours of 2pm-10pm after which she'll spend her time at the casinos until 5a.m (it looks like she's trying to escape her household huh?) in the morning before going home to sleep until noontime. The natural result is that she doesn't spend much time with her children. Because the guy is unemployed, he does all the housework around the place. Also, while Vicki sleeps in the bedroom, the husband sleeps on the couch - for the past 3 years.

The usual happens, the wives go over to live at each others' houses and the usual conflicts and fights arise when people with extremely different habits are forced to live together and the usual lesson that a healthy moderation (although it appears from this show that erring on the side of discipline is desirable) is the way that joyful families are made.

What got my attention was that while Nisee was probably inwardly irritated with "regimented husband"'s inactivity and bumming around the house, she continued serving him and his double standards quietly and uncomplainingly for the past 20 years. It was only Vicki's changing of the rules and having "regimented husband" do all the housework that got him to realize how hard housework really is and appreciating what his wife had done so far so that he changes on his own volition. In fact, faced with "liberated husband"'s wimpiness, she gave him tips on how to be the head of the household, not through the direct pointing out of his faults, but by coaching him on how to discipline his young son and letting the results (and probably his new good feeling of being the rightful leader of his family) be the motivation for his continued, natural desire to taking control.

It probably gave Vicki a pleasant surprise when "liberated husband" gave the firm instruction some time after being reunited, "I'm not going to continue sleeping on the couch, we're sleeping in the bedroom from now on.", her changing of jobs to something that allowed her more time to be with her children led to a closer family, more love as well as "more activity in the bedroom" in Vicki's own words.

It is definitely an eye-opener to see the reality of a transformed family life when everything moves towards God's order of a family. The children under the headship of the parents means happier, better-adjusted young people (even if it means "the tearing of my heart" in the words of "liberated husband") who knew they are in the hands of able guardians who are strong enough to protect them. The submissive wife under the headship of a husband, who is willing to lead lovingly, is a woman who can feel safe enough to open up her vulnerable side and simply step back and be beloved. The husband who takes on all the responsibility of directing the household gets to witness the fruit of all his labour - the flourishing, respectful family, the respect that he knows he is worthy of and fully deserves, the exhilaration of seeing things done right, the way that he had meant them to be.

Ladies against Feminism

2005-11-07T15:30:00.000+08:00

I've yet found out what feminism is about but this web-site looks interesting: Ladies against Feminism

There's even a section in it for men, written by men: Responsible Manhood

In fact, there are a few articles of interest:

The call to the High Places- The Ultimate Romance. "...if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can.” is especially poignant.

Being your Father's Daughter- I feel that a verse is quoted out of context but a refreshing article

Thoughts on Singleness- A rehashed expression of an old topic but a good reminder

All under the section 'Especially for the Unmarried'

Appearances

2005-11-05T12:27:00.000+08:00

On my way home yesterday, struggling with 3 people's dinner I did not pay attention at first to a big-sized man sitting across me in the bus.

Until the pink spine of a book in his lap caught my eye.

"That's strange", I thought, "that looks like a romance novel." The thought of a big man reading a romance novel was so unbelievable, I took a long hard look at the book, and confirmed that yes indeed, it was a romance novel.

I subtly took a harder look at the person, taking in the long eyelashes framing expressive, mournful eyes and the elbows, and my mind took a double-take on realizing that the person in front of me is a girl.

She was staring mournfully at a group of boys, chatting animatedly among themselves. I think I saw varying expressions run through her eyes - longing, hunger, thirst. A longing to be known as a person, her appearance overlooked as a definition for who she is; a hunger to be accepted and to be free to be herself; a thirst to be loved for who she is, faults and all, not needing to pretend that her character shows inner beauty.

I got off the bus at that point, my heart heavy. The truth is that, that's exactly how the world measures worth and success, the appearance of pleasantness, vitality, and how in-place everything about you appears to be.

In fact, that's how I generally measure the level of godliness in people's lives - the appearance of growing amount of thanksgiving, the increasing joy, the marvel of how everything seems to be in place in their lives and indeed, there probably are godly people whose lives' reality and closeness to God expressed themselves in these apparant signs.

Oddly though, the times when I am closest to Him is when my life is in the pits, either because of this fallen world's, or my own, sinfulness. Times when I am doubting, not thanksgiving, times when I sorrow, not in joy, times when I am broken, not when everything is in place. Times when I am fully able to acknowledge that yes, I'm disappointed: by people, sometimes by Your people; by Your created world, rewarding by biases not by merit; by circumstances, sometimes in violation of Your will. Times when paradoxically, my broken life is directly opposite to and least worthy of Your glory which You have directly given me access to nontheless, through Christ, my cover. Times when I am most ill at ease in this world.

Unlike the world which loudly proclaims "my peace I give only if you give me the semblence of an appearance of perfection", our Lord's peace, given not as the world gives, teaches,

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."(Matthew 5:3-6,8)

It's not the level of thanksgiving and joy that is an accurate measurement of godliness, not even the dedication and amount of service given to the body of Christ. Godliness is rather the centrality and intimacy of God in the person's life. It's only after our casting off of appearances in front of Him, that we have a chance to exclaim truthfully:

"Whom have I in heaven, but You?
There is nothing on earth, I desire besides You.
My heart and my strength, many times they fail,
But there is one truth, that always will prevail.

God is the strength of my heart,
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Ps 73:25-26)

Chuppie from ARPC

2005-11-04T11:37:00.000+08:00

Finally, the longed-for meeting of a chuppie (chinese yuppie, thanks Cheemoth for introducing that word to me) blogger from ARPC, so I'll no longer be the lone sore thumb in ARPC who occasionally blogs/talks in Mandarin. :)

Chuppies are such rare breeds in ARPC (well, at least in my social circle within it) I thought this warrants a special entry showcasing "Mr Toilet Warden's" blog: http://probato.blogspot.com :) Enjoy.

My MBTI - What's yours?

2005-10-27T15:06:00.000+08:00

Different results from another MBTI test taken previously.... Wondering if I've changed...

Your #1 Match: INFP

The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #2 Match: INTP

The Thinker
You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.
You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

Your #3 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer
You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!
You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

What's" Your Personality Type?

The Security Guard

2005-10-25T00:19:00.000+08:00

I've only been able to reflect about the previous security guard in my condominium in the past weekend - something I was trying to ignore for the past few months by forcing it to the back of my mind.

I remember the numerous times he had given concessions to my friends in parking/waiting time/ parking just to eat at the nearby eating places (as opposed to visiting someone in condo), the times we drank cold milo on a hot day while chatting about recent happenings, I remember the pride in his voice as he talked about the many grandchildren he had.

I also remember the day on my way to church for service one day, he stopped me with a friendly, "So you're going to church? It's good to be religious."

I dashed off a "Yah, but isn't a relationship with God more important?" and, without waiting for a reply, walked briskly towards the bus stop.

Why didn't I take that opportunity to witness to him, a muslim, and share with him the goodness of Christ? Even if I should miss the last 11:15a.m service, wouldn't it have pleased God more, if I had used that opportunity to potentially bring 1 more soul into His kingdom?

A few months later, I noticed he was no longer around when bringing biscuits to the guard house. It was later known that he was in a coma from stroke and died a few days later.

This made me realize the importance of making every opportunity we're given to evangelise, not to go after people with hammer and tongs, but rather, in making use of every opportunity presented to us, to share what we know about our Lord's goodness. Many times, we cut off meaningful communication in favour of checking against our to-do list; to run in the rat race of adding another feather in our cap, of adding to our accomplishments. Sometimes, the chance for that life-changing conversation is given only once before being lost forever.

Throughout all this time, although he had always addressed me by name, I could not remember his-not even now. Why? The shameful truth is that I never bothered to, too caught up in my supercilious snobbishness which is based on nothing more than man-made social boundaries and privileged circumstances that gave me what I have now.

I pray that I may truly repent and then to be given discernment to see people the way God sees us - unlovable yet loved, detestable yet cared for, undeserved yet given good things - beyond man-made boundaries, social or otherwise that I may do what's right.

Making godly choices

2005-10-23T01:00:00.000+08:00

After a bible talk yesterday, a conversation with a friend,Sakae, went like this:

Me: May I ask you a 2-part question?
Sakae(S): Sure, go ahead.
Me: Have you considered if it's godly to go clubbing?
S: I think it depends on the real reasons why you go clubbing. If we're there to hang loose, why not? But if we're there to do sexy moves and get drunk, then as Christians, we may need to consider why we are going clubbing. That's why I would prefer a bar. I feel it's expensive though.
Me: That sounds good, have you also considered if we're being a good steward of our money when we're going to these places?
S: ........ Why don't you ask (a leader's name) about this?
Me: My style will probably lead him to think that I'm questioning his lifestyle choices. I feel that this is a grey area with no fixed rule so it's not something I really need 'guidance' in. Will probably ask people as and when it's opportune to do so to have an understanding of why they choose to go clubbing/not go clubbing. Would you like to ask him?
S: I think I would.
Me: Cool, let me know what he thinks.

Or on going out one-to-one with friends of the opposite gender:

(Another) friend: Haven't you read Joshua Harris?
Me: ([Unspoken] I had read his first 2 books 6 times... each, feel he writes great books which gave me a more godly perspective on BGRs but) He's not God ok?

[Apologies, I must end this incomplete post. Just realized that for posts I don't end in the same block of time I start are doomed to incompletion... I've lost my train of thought!]

Well-wishes for non-Christians?

2005-10-22T18:13:00.000+08:00

I'm going to attend the first non-Christian wedding in an hour after a full year of immersion in local church life. As I sit down to pen my well-wishes to my friend, I was struck by writer's block as I pondered:

How can a life be well when you're not in relationship with your maker, no matter how smooth the life may appear?

Debating between a more 'passionate' evangelical message or an indifferent neutral message, I settled on a subtle message: "May your marriage lead to an eternity of joy and bliss" for how can a life without Christ lead to an eternity of joy and bliss?

Suggestions?

Thank you

2005-10-16T23:56:00.000+08:00

Thank God for the few people who took the time to send me an e-mail expressing your concern and your prayers. I am ok with Him, questions still unanswered but able to have peace with Him. I am touched and very grateful by the love that comes from a kinship in Christ and especially to the couple of people who offered yours or your wife's counsel and time that I may be encouraged and may persevere on in our hope. The most amazing part is I still don't know you, except for your online identities and I'm grateful at the concern you've shown to a mere stranger like me. For all of you, I pray that God may show His realness and faithfulness to you, that you may fully know and experience His presence with you.

I also thank God for the truth seeker who shared a little about your spiritual walk with me. Thank you for trusting this private portion of your life with me. I am sorry that I have not yet replied and will answer you soon. I pray that you may know His goodness.

For all readers, I know that I am in some of your prayers and I thank you for talking with God about me. Thank you for your support in reading and it's the awareness of you, which keeps me accountable to the will that God wants me to do in my life. I pray that His wisdom will always be in you.

Had composed a song during this period, its tune is unpalatable and lyrics largely private. However, the lyrics of the chorus is a reminder of our hope and I thought it'll be good to share it with you:

Previous verse: Help me stay the faith and keep me safe

For one day our King will come
Jesus Christ, God the Son
To redeem Your precious Bride
Sealed with Your Spirit, clean and white
God, our Father, keep me safe till He arrives

May God's reality always be crystal clear to us no matter our circumstances.

Funeral Planning

2005-10-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

Looking at island's post prompted me to start thinking about what I want for my funeral.

I'd definitely want a Christian funeral because it will be a wonderful opportunity to witness to my loved ones. The songs that I would want sung would be 'It is well with my soul' and 'It's your blood'. The passage I'd want explained will probably be Rev 20:11-21:7.

What's in a name?

2005-10-11T18:29:00.000+08:00

Before I came to Christ, I've always been known by my Mandarin name - the name which harbours my parents' ideal of me (it happens to be the same repeated word e.g Tingting, lingling etc) and my circle of close friends and loved ones will often shorten it to a single word (e.g Ting ah, Ling ah etc).

It was only the year before I come to Christ that I use my English or 'Christian' name - the name my parents choose for convenience purpose (so that it'll be easier for others to remember your name). It just ocurred to me that most Christians who appeared in my life before I come to Christ be they passerbys, people who witnessed to me, classmates, people who invite me to their church etc all know me by my Christian name although I was commonly known by my mandarin name.

Is there a significance or mere coincidence?

Soul-searching Season

2005-10-09T20:56:00.000+08:00

Dear fellow siblings-in-christ and seekers of the truth,

Thank you for being with me, silently reading my blog or posting your comments on it. The awareness of people reading it had helped me to pray about writing entries that edify rather than discouraging ones and this helps to build the awareness in me about what should be right Christian conduct as opposed to complacent habits that I may become too comfortable in.

Because I am in the process of seeking some answers with Him, blog entries may become more rare. Don't worry, He is still my Lord and I think I am very much safely in His church. It is just that as I am walking through this valley with Him, I do not want to write either hypocritically bright entries or burden with my dark emotions that may potentially stumble others.

If you would like to pray for me, pray that I may hold fast to Him. If you'd like to encourage me privately by letting me know you're praying for me, my e-mail is ms.carpediem (at) gmail.com.

May our Lord be with you.