[Inspired by a short MSN conversation with PP]
3 weeks into married life and I'm so touched by all that my dear had done for me because "he adores you" (in the words of PP.) I realise I'm quite xiaojie plus I'm now living at his parents' place which makes for huge adaptation issues. But my dear's being absolutely accomodating in all my requests and in trying to find out how to get living arrangements done at his house.
I perceive though that he's so busy serving me, he doesn't realise that he's tired. This led me to think and consider what I can be doing so that I can lessen his burden. At this point in time, this is my personal response to the deep, devoted love my dear had for me.
It was at this point that I realise what it should be between Christ and His believers.
Christ's love for us is so much more than the (very deep, devoted) human love that my dear had for me. He so love us that He gave up His life for us so that we can have eternal life. I am also sure that all believers who know that Christ is God will be able to recall personal episodes when Christ has taken personal care of us in our daily lives. For all believers, He loves us and "will work for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purposes."
The main question we answer in living our lives as beloved believers is: With our hearts captivated by His love, how are we responding to Him?
Showing posts with label Relationship with Him. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship with Him. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Taste the Lord for He is good
Recently, I was very much saddened when talking with a sister-in-christ, she shares from her heart, "I don't think I'm good enough to be blessed by God."
I am also partly angry (not with my sister-in-christ, but with Satan) because it is in operation from half-truths, and it keeps His people from feeling His joy.
The truth in that sentence is that no one is good enough to deserve God and to deserve Jesus.
"There is no one righteous, not even one;
there is no one who understands,
no one who seeks God." (Rom 3:10-11)
But that's us, our fallibles from our human strengths. We will try, and we will fail. Even as we strive, our being longs to do the opposite of His will and to sin. And in our inheritance from Adam, we are all cursed because of our sin and all cursed and condemned.
But that is not our God of Love. Even as we struggle and fail, He reaches out to us and wants to save us. We are righteous, not because of what we do or not do, we are righteous because of His Son on the cross. He died, so that all our sin and evil, of all that we've done or not done, whether in the past, present or future, has been atoned for. And He also rose bodily, to show us the new Hope of what the Father had destined for His Sons and Daughters. We simply place our faith in His Son that we have become God's Sons and Daughters because of what Jesus had done for us.
And because of what He has done, we inherit His promises:
"God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." (Rom 8:28-30)
He has also said:
""My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons." God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:5-7; 10-11)
His will is to bless those who are His Sons and Daughters, and though sometimes life may not turn out the way we will and want, that's not to say that He does not will to bless us. Perhaps He wills to bless us through these tribulations? In ways we do not yet know or can imagine?
So:
"Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." (Ps 34:3-8)
I am also partly angry (not with my sister-in-christ, but with Satan) because it is in operation from half-truths, and it keeps His people from feeling His joy.
The truth in that sentence is that no one is good enough to deserve God and to deserve Jesus.
"There is no one righteous, not even one;
there is no one who understands,
no one who seeks God." (Rom 3:10-11)
But that's us, our fallibles from our human strengths. We will try, and we will fail. Even as we strive, our being longs to do the opposite of His will and to sin. And in our inheritance from Adam, we are all cursed because of our sin and all cursed and condemned.
But that is not our God of Love. Even as we struggle and fail, He reaches out to us and wants to save us. We are righteous, not because of what we do or not do, we are righteous because of His Son on the cross. He died, so that all our sin and evil, of all that we've done or not done, whether in the past, present or future, has been atoned for. And He also rose bodily, to show us the new Hope of what the Father had destined for His Sons and Daughters. We simply place our faith in His Son that we have become God's Sons and Daughters because of what Jesus had done for us.
And because of what He has done, we inherit His promises:
"God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." (Rom 8:28-30)
He has also said:
""My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons." God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:5-7; 10-11)
His will is to bless those who are His Sons and Daughters, and though sometimes life may not turn out the way we will and want, that's not to say that He does not will to bless us. Perhaps He wills to bless us through these tribulations? In ways we do not yet know or can imagine?
So:
"Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." (Ps 34:3-8)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
"The bible - a love letter from God..."
"It's not just an academic book we explore, study and memorise, it is about holding Him (the Word of God) close to our hearts..." - from my SO
More similarities than differences?
My SO and I came from different churches both of which is widely perceived to be very different in terms of their philosophies and understanding about Jesus' promises. So, I'd guess it's natural that when my SO and I were in our early courtship days, many concerns perpetually run through my mind.
"How Christian is he?"
"Is he worshipping the true Jesus? Or is He fellowshipping with a Jesus I don't know?"
"Is he someone I can trust to lead me spiritually? Or will I have a bigger than usual struggle in learning to submit to him?"
This struggle is not helped by the fact that within the whole body of class, many different congregations (read churches) have very varied practices and understandings which results in different practices. Adding to this confusion is a number aberrent organisations which also teaches about Jesus but who corrupts the gospel He brings.
However, if my and my SO's experiences together could be any sort of reliable barometer, it does appear that believers who value God's word actually have more important similarities than differences in life applications. So far in our conversations, it appears to include:
1) Worship of God as a matter and response of the heart
2) The purpose of dating/courtship
3) The handling of finances in marriage
4) The place of children in marriage
5) Enjoying God and His gifts
6) The importance of Christian fellowship
7) The intention to honour our parents (without worshipping them.)
and many others (I'm simply listing these from off the top of my head.)
Where we do differ, are (in my opinion) areas of relatively lesser importance, these include:
1) The place of suffering in a Christian's life
2) The figurative vs literal nature of God's blessings and how that manifests itself in our lives
3) The partnership between God's effort and our effort in our sanctification process and how it should actually work out in our lives.
For purposes of determining a person basic doctrinal beliefs, you may find this link: http://www.carm.org/christianity/christian-doctrine/theological-test useful. I remember the time before we date when I had subjected him to this test... keke....
But much more than the model answers a person can regurgitate in answering the question, I guess the heart of the matter, is the matter of the heart. After the foundation of ascertaining wheter the person is in relationship with the right Jesus, it is really about how much he/she reveres the Person, places faith in the promises and seeks (mainly through the bible) the will of Jesus.
"How Christian is he?"
"Is he worshipping the true Jesus? Or is He fellowshipping with a Jesus I don't know?"
"Is he someone I can trust to lead me spiritually? Or will I have a bigger than usual struggle in learning to submit to him?"
This struggle is not helped by the fact that within the whole body of class, many different congregations (read churches) have very varied practices and understandings which results in different practices. Adding to this confusion is a number aberrent organisations which also teaches about Jesus but who corrupts the gospel He brings.
However, if my and my SO's experiences together could be any sort of reliable barometer, it does appear that believers who value God's word actually have more important similarities than differences in life applications. So far in our conversations, it appears to include:
1) Worship of God as a matter and response of the heart
2) The purpose of dating/courtship
3) The handling of finances in marriage
4) The place of children in marriage
5) Enjoying God and His gifts
6) The importance of Christian fellowship
7) The intention to honour our parents (without worshipping them.)
and many others (I'm simply listing these from off the top of my head.)
Where we do differ, are (in my opinion) areas of relatively lesser importance, these include:
1) The place of suffering in a Christian's life
2) The figurative vs literal nature of God's blessings and how that manifests itself in our lives
3) The partnership between God's effort and our effort in our sanctification process and how it should actually work out in our lives.
For purposes of determining a person basic doctrinal beliefs, you may find this link: http://www.carm.org/christianity/christian-doctrine/theological-test useful. I remember the time before we date when I had subjected him to this test... keke....
But much more than the model answers a person can regurgitate in answering the question, I guess the heart of the matter, is the matter of the heart. After the foundation of ascertaining wheter the person is in relationship with the right Jesus, it is really about how much he/she reveres the Person, places faith in the promises and seeks (mainly through the bible) the will of Jesus.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
"There is a fountain filled with blood" and "It is well with my soul"
My dear's and my favourite song respectively.
"There is a Fountain Filled with Blood", by William Cowper, 1772
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-cY5vO0W0M
Interesting background to the song: http://www.truthinhistory.org/there-is-a-fountain-filled-with-blood.html
"It is well with my soul", by hymnist Horatio Spafford and composed by Philip Bliss, 1873
From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSXzDiGpYZ8&NR=1
Interesting background to the song: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Is_Well_With_My_Soul
"There is a Fountain Filled with Blood", by William Cowper, 1772
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-cY5vO0W0M
Interesting background to the song: http://www.truthinhistory.org/there-is-a-fountain-filled-with-blood.html
"It is well with my soul", by hymnist Horatio Spafford and composed by Philip Bliss, 1873
From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSXzDiGpYZ8&NR=1
Interesting background to the song: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Is_Well_With_My_Soul
Video on "The Change" by Steven Curtis Chapman
Up to the middle of the video, I thought I was looking at a video made by an extremist. The images of hate, of violence, of persecution done in God's name is sick, hateful and not glorifying to God. Is that what the author believes is done for God's glory?
Then as I reached the end, I realised it was done to illustrate the natural, spirit-filled change. Ultimately, a spirit-uplifting video that contrasts religosity, acts of hate with real, deep-seated changes that are powered and strengthened by the Holy Spirit.
From http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgpEwGoSLB8
Then as I reached the end, I realised it was done to illustrate the natural, spirit-filled change. Ultimately, a spirit-uplifting video that contrasts religosity, acts of hate with real, deep-seated changes that are powered and strengthened by the Holy Spirit.
From http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgpEwGoSLB8
Saturday, August 16, 2008
What Angels Long to know
Very meaningful song by Steven Curtis Chapman. Part of the lyrics:
Angels Wish
Was God smiling when He spoke the word and made the world?
And did He cry about the flood?
What does God's voice sound like when He sings, when He's angry?
These are just a few things that the angels have on me
.......
But I've been shown the Saviour's love
The Grace of God has raised me up
....
And I know things the angels only wish they knew
I have seen the dark and desperate place where sin will take you
I've felt loneliness and shame
And I have watched the blinding light of grace
come breaking through with a sweetness only tasted
By the forgiven and redeemed
And someday I'll sit down with my angel friends
Up in heaven
And they'll tell me about Creation
And I'll tell them a story of Grace
.....
And isn't that true? When Lucifer led a rebellion against God, a third of the angels followed him. And they were kicked out of heaven onto earth where they are continuing their campaign to lead people in rebellion against God and away from Jesus Christ. They will await for the appointed time for their judgement. The lake of fire was originally prepared for them. (Matt 25:41)
There is no reprieve for them - their rebellion signals their eternal dismissal from God's presence - to the lake of fire where even death and hades is thrown in during the end times (Rev 20:15) Yet God in His grace sent Jesus to die for us so that we can fellowship with Him, a grace that is not shown to the demons - the fallen angels. (2 Pet 2:4) He has given us a way to be His Sons and Daughters and to know Him as the perfect, heavenly Father...
Angels Wish
Was God smiling when He spoke the word and made the world?
And did He cry about the flood?
What does God's voice sound like when He sings, when He's angry?
These are just a few things that the angels have on me
.......
But I've been shown the Saviour's love
The Grace of God has raised me up
....
And I know things the angels only wish they knew
I have seen the dark and desperate place where sin will take you
I've felt loneliness and shame
And I have watched the blinding light of grace
come breaking through with a sweetness only tasted
By the forgiven and redeemed
And someday I'll sit down with my angel friends
Up in heaven
And they'll tell me about Creation
And I'll tell them a story of Grace
.....
And isn't that true? When Lucifer led a rebellion against God, a third of the angels followed him. And they were kicked out of heaven onto earth where they are continuing their campaign to lead people in rebellion against God and away from Jesus Christ. They will await for the appointed time for their judgement. The lake of fire was originally prepared for them. (Matt 25:41)
There is no reprieve for them - their rebellion signals their eternal dismissal from God's presence - to the lake of fire where even death and hades is thrown in during the end times (Rev 20:15) Yet God in His grace sent Jesus to die for us so that we can fellowship with Him, a grace that is not shown to the demons - the fallen angels. (2 Pet 2:4) He has given us a way to be His Sons and Daughters and to know Him as the perfect, heavenly Father...
"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6)
Monday, May 28, 2007
Successful?
Abundantly blessed in my job with superiors who are objective, great working colleagues, big wide open spaces and lots of facilities in my working environment and in an office away from my boss :p , not to mention lots of friends who have proven to be there for me when I had been down and a recreation that I really enjoy, I praise and thank God that He has put me into an enviable position where I feel I have everything I desire, success from my POV.
If there is one challenge I have to learn to manage, it is the fact that work had gotten so much busier and had become so much more hectic that I don't seem to have time for anything except work and recreation.
Yet even in this fully blessed position, I'm counting the costs, costs that may have become too great to bear. My increased workload means that I am either napping or doing work on the MRT while on my way to work which had taken away my only quiet time for prayer, bible reading or time to catch up with friends via smses to find out how they are doing; I feel tired and have low energy all the time and though I feel care for my friends, it feels so much harder to get involved in their lives, find out how they are doing to pray for, care for and think of practical ways to help them.
Whatever I have, are all blessings for God and I'm fully thankful for them. Yet, I also start to realise, how the fuller meeting of our desires here on earth, can make us less aliens and more at home in, and more conforming to the values of this world. No wonder Jesus has said, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God." (Matt 19:24)! A verse though that ends with hope because he added, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matt 19:26)
May God grant me the wisdom and strength to make wise decisions so that I may live out the chief end of man - which is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.
If there is one challenge I have to learn to manage, it is the fact that work had gotten so much busier and had become so much more hectic that I don't seem to have time for anything except work and recreation.
Yet even in this fully blessed position, I'm counting the costs, costs that may have become too great to bear. My increased workload means that I am either napping or doing work on the MRT while on my way to work which had taken away my only quiet time for prayer, bible reading or time to catch up with friends via smses to find out how they are doing; I feel tired and have low energy all the time and though I feel care for my friends, it feels so much harder to get involved in their lives, find out how they are doing to pray for, care for and think of practical ways to help them.
Whatever I have, are all blessings for God and I'm fully thankful for them. Yet, I also start to realise, how the fuller meeting of our desires here on earth, can make us less aliens and more at home in, and more conforming to the values of this world. No wonder Jesus has said, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God." (Matt 19:24)! A verse though that ends with hope because he added, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matt 19:26)
May God grant me the wisdom and strength to make wise decisions so that I may live out the chief end of man - which is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Sweet Surrender
I must say that sometimes I am guilty of deliberately ignoring the sacred labour of reading His Word and praying just so that I can experience that sweet surrender of feeling the lifting of my burden and of rest as I come back to trust Him on His Word and Promises after a protracted period of being away from Him (not recommended definitely.) There is just something of a huge relief to confess my sins to the Man who had been tempted but did not sin, to come before Him and be accepted just as I am, and to experience the forgiveness of my sins and renewed strength and determination (in His Grace, not my work) to do the good that He has purposed in my life. (May I never quench His Holy Spirit!)
When I shove Him into a corner, I am naturally driven by my traditional Chinese upbringing of being wary of people’s motives, thinking the worst of people’s intentions and ultimately, simply protecting myself from hurts and pains that can be caused when 2 individuals’ self-interests collide. Life is tiring, difficult and a pain as I would have to always strive to put on an appearance of radiance, excellence and competence so that I may be admired which would be quickly followed by material and physical advancement. Long term though, it can be draining and meaningless as I wondered what I was doing this for.
Somehow, in Him, life’s cause and effects seemed to be much less important. When a work that I had laboured over was cloistered in a lonely corner, seemingly deliberately neglected, to the extent that my colleagues wanted to fight for my work’s right to be placed in the centre of the hall, although I really appreciated my colleagues’ pain on my behalf and feel a pang of under-appreciation, it somehow affected me less than the satisfaction that I had done my best, that I had gained a lot of colleagues’ care and support in this work and that I had simply devoted the results into His hands, letting Him do as He see fit with the finished product.
All this could only be achieved by His Spirit’s teaching us that there is life after this life, and there is a reward in an eternal inheritance that will never rust, nor be eaten away by moths. That inheritance is God Himself, as He pleasured in giving us His presence, dying for us so that we may have a relationship with Him, resurrecting for witnesses to see so that we may know He really has power to achieve what He has said He would do and living in us, sinful flesh that we are. And in Him, there is joy, joy, joy!
Other than that is the awareness that I really cannot do the good that He had meant for me to do, that I am fully and totally dependent on His Strength and His Grace, to live the high calling He has called us to.
And I know that my feeling of rest in Him lies not the sinking sand of man’s philosophy and man’s false comfort, but in the truth of His Word promised thousands of years ago when His prophet cried (Isa 55):
"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
When I shove Him into a corner, I am naturally driven by my traditional Chinese upbringing of being wary of people’s motives, thinking the worst of people’s intentions and ultimately, simply protecting myself from hurts and pains that can be caused when 2 individuals’ self-interests collide. Life is tiring, difficult and a pain as I would have to always strive to put on an appearance of radiance, excellence and competence so that I may be admired which would be quickly followed by material and physical advancement. Long term though, it can be draining and meaningless as I wondered what I was doing this for.
Somehow, in Him, life’s cause and effects seemed to be much less important. When a work that I had laboured over was cloistered in a lonely corner, seemingly deliberately neglected, to the extent that my colleagues wanted to fight for my work’s right to be placed in the centre of the hall, although I really appreciated my colleagues’ pain on my behalf and feel a pang of under-appreciation, it somehow affected me less than the satisfaction that I had done my best, that I had gained a lot of colleagues’ care and support in this work and that I had simply devoted the results into His hands, letting Him do as He see fit with the finished product.
All this could only be achieved by His Spirit’s teaching us that there is life after this life, and there is a reward in an eternal inheritance that will never rust, nor be eaten away by moths. That inheritance is God Himself, as He pleasured in giving us His presence, dying for us so that we may have a relationship with Him, resurrecting for witnesses to see so that we may know He really has power to achieve what He has said He would do and living in us, sinful flesh that we are. And in Him, there is joy, joy, joy!
Other than that is the awareness that I really cannot do the good that He had meant for me to do, that I am fully and totally dependent on His Strength and His Grace, to live the high calling He has called us to.
And I know that my feeling of rest in Him lies not the sinking sand of man’s philosophy and man’s false comfort, but in the truth of His Word promised thousands of years ago when His prophet cried (Isa 55):
"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Trusting Him with all my heart
On the mountain top of faith, luxuriating in and in thanksgiving of the blessings He had showered on me which had foolishly led to impetuous words that had probably contributed to a sister-in-christ falling in her walk when the last door was shut insultingly in her face.
This led me to ponder on God's timing, why some doors are opened and when, why some are made to walk through the journey until the last door is shut in our faces and to reflect on the journey I have had so far.
Intoxicated as I am on my high now, it is hard to remember that doors were not always open for me. Even in this year, I also had my share of travelling on with hope until the last door was slammed shut in my face. I remembered that time, bearing with everything in His name, suppressing my natural instincts with few (specifically one at most two) allies so that His name may be glorified. And then comes the time when it had seemed my deliverance was near. I travelled along with hope, my steps getting getting lighter as I thought I saw my glory is near. And then, "Bam!", that door was shut in my face.
It was harder to bear than if the doors along the way had not been opened at all. I could no longer walk, but only crawl; I could no longer look people in the eyes, but only slump along like a worm; I could no longer plead for mercy but only despair in my heart.
It appears that at this point, there could be one of two possible reactions.
The first is to think that He has betrayed us, to focus on the pain, grow cold in the heart and stop trusting Him. Though salvation is not lost, we start ignoring all that our conscience had told us is glorifying to Him. Though we may not do what is specifically wrong, we are also no longer motivated to do what is pleasing to His sight. We shut Him out, do all we can to numb the pain, be tempted by the perceived pleasure of sin and sleepwalk through our worthless lives half-dead. We gloried that we are able to survive by the strength of our own hearts.
By God's grace and the support of 2 friends-in-christ, I was painfully led through the second path. I had cried out to Him in my pain. With tears streaming freely in the silence of my room, I had whimpered out my hurt and experienced fully what it had felt like to be a worm - despised and rejected by the world. I begged to be taken out of this situation. I wailed out the injustice that though some of my other brothers and sisters in christ were drinking and making merry, they were deaf to my cries and blind to my plight.
This pitiful sight quickly gave way to unmitigated rage - against Him!
Why do You put me through this and let my friends-in-christ make merry? Why do You lead me down a false path and had given me false hope? Is it Your pleasure to toy with me? Why do You even put me through this situation? Have I not done my best to please You? Do You hate me so much?
For weeks, I had raged against Him, like a petulant child throwing her fists against her strong and controlled father. I had probably also lashed against people who had unwittingly crossed me that time.
Until spent, was I able to remember His faithfulness to me, His personal call to me so long ago when He called me to be His child. I remembered His personal love and how He had taken care of me for so long. Would He abandon me now?
Only then, could I pray, "My Father, thy will be done. I trust that everything that had happened to those You had called, happened for good and for Your purpose. Father, though I cannot understand why this had happened to me, I know You are for me. What can men do to me if You are my helper?"
And slowly, He re-established my road, He gave me strength to persevere and climb up. He provided, sometimes quietly and subtly, sometimes with signs so clear I thought He wanted me to see clearly that it's His work, blur as I am. Until I reach the mountaintop that I am at now, and rejoice in thanksgiving for all the good He had given me and all the blessings He had lavished upon me - My current comfortable circumstances; friends I can count on; superiors who trust and think highly of me; colleagues who like and are comfortable with me.
For how could I appreciate this good, if I had not been through the valley dark and deep? How could I rejoice in my blessings, if I had not once lost all? Why would I want His presence, if I had not known the darkness of the world?
So taste and know that He is good. See how He saves those who trust Him. Experience how He deals bountifully with you.
And this could only come when we trust Him with all our hearts. Whether it is crying out to Him as our Comforter in our pain, or when He lovingly takes our rage against Him in grace, or even when we depended on His strength to persevere on when we are spent.
To our God and Father be glory, to our God and Father be praise, to our God and Father be worship, forever and ever always.
This led me to ponder on God's timing, why some doors are opened and when, why some are made to walk through the journey until the last door is shut in our faces and to reflect on the journey I have had so far.
Intoxicated as I am on my high now, it is hard to remember that doors were not always open for me. Even in this year, I also had my share of travelling on with hope until the last door was slammed shut in my face. I remembered that time, bearing with everything in His name, suppressing my natural instincts with few (specifically one at most two) allies so that His name may be glorified. And then comes the time when it had seemed my deliverance was near. I travelled along with hope, my steps getting getting lighter as I thought I saw my glory is near. And then, "Bam!", that door was shut in my face.
It was harder to bear than if the doors along the way had not been opened at all. I could no longer walk, but only crawl; I could no longer look people in the eyes, but only slump along like a worm; I could no longer plead for mercy but only despair in my heart.
It appears that at this point, there could be one of two possible reactions.
The first is to think that He has betrayed us, to focus on the pain, grow cold in the heart and stop trusting Him. Though salvation is not lost, we start ignoring all that our conscience had told us is glorifying to Him. Though we may not do what is specifically wrong, we are also no longer motivated to do what is pleasing to His sight. We shut Him out, do all we can to numb the pain, be tempted by the perceived pleasure of sin and sleepwalk through our worthless lives half-dead. We gloried that we are able to survive by the strength of our own hearts.
By God's grace and the support of 2 friends-in-christ, I was painfully led through the second path. I had cried out to Him in my pain. With tears streaming freely in the silence of my room, I had whimpered out my hurt and experienced fully what it had felt like to be a worm - despised and rejected by the world. I begged to be taken out of this situation. I wailed out the injustice that though some of my other brothers and sisters in christ were drinking and making merry, they were deaf to my cries and blind to my plight.
This pitiful sight quickly gave way to unmitigated rage - against Him!
Why do You put me through this and let my friends-in-christ make merry? Why do You lead me down a false path and had given me false hope? Is it Your pleasure to toy with me? Why do You even put me through this situation? Have I not done my best to please You? Do You hate me so much?
For weeks, I had raged against Him, like a petulant child throwing her fists against her strong and controlled father. I had probably also lashed against people who had unwittingly crossed me that time.
Until spent, was I able to remember His faithfulness to me, His personal call to me so long ago when He called me to be His child. I remembered His personal love and how He had taken care of me for so long. Would He abandon me now?
Only then, could I pray, "My Father, thy will be done. I trust that everything that had happened to those You had called, happened for good and for Your purpose. Father, though I cannot understand why this had happened to me, I know You are for me. What can men do to me if You are my helper?"
And slowly, He re-established my road, He gave me strength to persevere and climb up. He provided, sometimes quietly and subtly, sometimes with signs so clear I thought He wanted me to see clearly that it's His work, blur as I am. Until I reach the mountaintop that I am at now, and rejoice in thanksgiving for all the good He had given me and all the blessings He had lavished upon me - My current comfortable circumstances; friends I can count on; superiors who trust and think highly of me; colleagues who like and are comfortable with me.
For how could I appreciate this good, if I had not been through the valley dark and deep? How could I rejoice in my blessings, if I had not once lost all? Why would I want His presence, if I had not known the darkness of the world?
So taste and know that He is good. See how He saves those who trust Him. Experience how He deals bountifully with you.
And this could only come when we trust Him with all our hearts. Whether it is crying out to Him as our Comforter in our pain, or when He lovingly takes our rage against Him in grace, or even when we depended on His strength to persevere on when we are spent.
To our God and Father be glory, to our God and Father be praise, to our God and Father be worship, forever and ever always.
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