Singleness and Hypocrisy

One of the tasks that I believe God wants me to do with my single life, is to reflect Christ's light to my parents and siblings who I am, typically Singaporean-ly, living with.

Yet although many friends and colleagues may use these terms to describe me
"Good sister-in-christ"
"Good listening ear"
"Fun and approachable"
Always there when I need her"

I believe that my family sees me very differently.

Every night, after work and perhaps some social/church/developmental event, I will reach home, dead tired, my whole body just geared towards my bedroom and the warm bed and blanket that beckons my exhausted head and muscles.

And every night, without fail, once I set foot into the living room, my caring father will greet,"You're back." and my mother will go,"I've left some soup on the table for you. Let me heat it up for you." while she made her way to the kitchen to also blend a fresh cup of wheatgrass milkshake for me.

And what's my typical response?
"(grunt) Ermh...." to my father's greeting and
"I've eaten already leh.... wheatgrass again! I'm too bloated."

On reflection, I've come to the scary conclusion... that this indifferent, ungrateful cannot-be-bothered person is the real me.

And this is the me that will greet my future husband after a hard day of work in that misty, uncertain date called the future.

Scary isn't it? Yet more importantly to God is that by showing such negative examples, I'm not being a good personal witness to my family (which is ironical since they're my main subjects when praying for people's salvation). It really doesn't matter the efforts made to 'carelessly' leave Chinese Christian books around the house or to improve my literacy of chinese christian literature so that they may be shown that Christianity is the way to the true and international/intercultural God (not a western religion) if I'm not showing the love of Christ.

It's nearly impossible though, cause I feel so emptied out at the end of the day. There is really nothing I can do because I'm just so exhausted.

But God can.

For "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." (Gal 2:20) and although "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" (Matt 19:23) "but with God all things are possible." (Matt 19:26).

I am looking forward to the time when I can be a good witness to my family, not just through words but through concrete actions and I pray I may be transformed through this process.

And who knows, perhaps this is God's way for transforming me, so that somewhere in that misty, uncertain future, I will be the loving (and lovely :p ), submissive wife who will be able to smile and serve my husband after a hard day's work ;) - prayerfully (to be) evidenced by my private service to my family.