Quite a few people have heard my complaints about how some of the questions are phrased in BSF and may have left with the mistaken ideas about it as well as my position on it. The fact is, currently, I'm still persevering in the system and fully intend to sign up for it again next year!
Like any other man-made system, including church congregations, there are flaws but would I have been able to come up with a better system myself?
Fact is, this system is the only system so far that had encouraged my daily QT, bible reading and prayer time. It has brought into my life friends-in-Christ who has the common and strong desire to read and understand what God is saying - free of the prejudices and biases of men's interpretation. Our discussions, encompassing all the lay people from different church backgrounds and spiritual experiences, do have the effect of broadening up our minds and gaining joy that our God is the head of a diverse yet united Church.
An added surprise is that I've come to know BSF leaders - humble, caring and showing genuine desire to do God's will in their lives - who upheld me in prayer, supported me when I was down and cared enough to contact me every week to find out how I'm doing.
Their structure also encouraged me to go through the same bible passages 4 times - first by myself while working through the questions each day, second in group discussion, third in a lecture by lay people and last in BSF notes (which are the same no matter which country we go to) that helped me understand the international perspective.
The truth is for me, this simple discipline of reading the bible daily, quietly; of weekly patiently really listening to others' answers and squelching my natural desire to interrupt with my "model" answer; of humbly willing myself to be taught by another lay person; of reading the BSF notes with an open mind; had helped me grow in knowledge and understanding of what God is saying. And with it, the consistent reminder of the greatest Hope and Joy in my salvation that leads to the Peace that surpasseth all understanding.
In the end, it is not THE ONE bible seminar or workshop that will MOVE me. Ultimately, it is these simple, consistent disciplines that help me LIVE.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Repentance
Dedicated to D
"I am happy, because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. I wrote to you (so) that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are. By all this we are encouraged." - 2 Cor 7:9-13
""John's baptism was a baptism of repentance. He told the people to believe in the one coming after him, that is, in Jesus." - Acts 19:4
"Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire." - Matt 3:8, 10
Have you ever felt that crushing weight of guilt? When you know you had done wrong to a person and had hurt the person in some way. It doesn't matter how innocuous or minute the action is, or even if the other person knows that you were the one responsible for his/her hurt, God and you know that your action was meant in viciousness and a pound of blood and flesh was what you were going for.
The world rewards hard-heartedness: I've witnessed people who had ruthlessly sacrificed the friends around them to advance in their careers/business/social circles; who for their own gratification secretly two-timed that they don't have to be burdened to one person and his/her imperfections; who for thirty pieces of silver sacrificed the servant king.
I've tried talking with one of them, thinking that there is possibly a ray of hope and was inwardly shocked when the person sincerely responded, "This is purely a business transaction. She should have considered carefully before she committed. What happened with her is not my business."
It often seemed that in this world, repentance is for the weak, for those who can't stand to have others have a bad opinion of themselves, for those who suffer from a masochistic complex.
In this world, you are punished for your repentance. Contrast Germany and Japan in their involvement in WWII and the difference in price they pay because of their (or lack of) repentance. Or perhaps even imagine the (happy?) day if Osama is to surrender for atrocities done during 9/11 because he is repentant for what he has done? The high profile trials it will attract, the humiliation he will be made to go through. Haughty rebellion is in vogue and it makes economic sense. The day I'm in your hands is the day of my downfall. In fact, the higher the price I can exact from you in your pursuit of my justice, the stronger and more powerful I am seen to be.
The world rewards the unrepentant rebel.
It doesn't make sense to repent - to admit you are wrong and turn to what is right, if you are not a Christ follower, does it?
It would only happen the day when we live by the belief that "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever." (1 Pet 1:24-25), won't it?
Surely it will only come to the person who "Praise the LORD," who knows that "Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. " (Ps 112:1), shouldn't it?
So though the guilt is great, the worldly returns are unsavoury and great is the worldly reward for the rebel, Jesus' invitation is this, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt 11:28-30)
And you may rejoice even if God chooses to discipline you, for He disciplines you as a Son or Daughter, for the making in the image of Christ Jesus.
And you may then experience what He means when He said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." (Matt 5:4-5)
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Sacraments
Definition: A Christian rite that mediates divine grace—a holy Mystery (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacraments, 14 Sept 2006)
BD: Hey you want to go for a prayer retreat?
Me: Great idea! When, where is it and who is conducted by?
BD: Just to let you know it's Catholic. But it's very good! They even have a priest who will guide you in your prayer journey and with whom you can confess your sins.
Me: [Heretic!!!!] Err... you know that there shouldn't be anyone, besides Jesus, who will intercede in our prayers right?
BD: Of course I know lah. But don't you sometimes feel lost in your prayer life? If you will be stumbled, then just go for the prayer retreat and don't go to the sermon sessions or to the priest. But weren't you just complaining that you have not been seeking the Lord enough?
Me: You may have a point, let me pray through this first.
BD: You know, sometimes I think Catholics have something right. Before SL goes for her business trips, she will visit her priest and confess all her sins, so that our Father will hear her prayers in her trip. Sometimes having someone to confess to and pray for you can be a restful thing to do.
(pause)
BD: I used to be a Presbyterian so I can say this. Sometimes, you all get far too involved in Word knowledge and pharasaic in prescribing dos and don'ts in spiritual acts that you all forgot to have a relationship and just go ahead and do things with the living Christ.
Another day:
YP: I must save more this month else I can't fulfill my giving of the first-fruits.
Me: Oh, know what I do, I'll just give my portion in the first weekend after pay day and not worry about it until my next pay day....
YP: No, I'm not talking about tithing, I'm talking about giving of the first fruits. At the beginning of the year, we will pledge an amount we will give to the church in addition to our tithing. That is the giving of my firstfruits loh.
Me: [Unbiblical! Word-faith teaching!] Hmmm...
YP: So I must save up more so that I can bless my church for God's work.
Me: Hmmm... (pondering about my priorities in money management)
Living in the joy of the truth of only Christ being my intercessor with God, my Father, most times I had neglected the importance of the sacraments in my daily life. Knowing that sacraments like confession, communion, tithing and prayer are not necessary for my ascendency upwards when my time comes, I have a tendency to neglect these sacred acts unless I'm obliged to (e.g in congregational activity.)
This leads to all sorts of disturbing symptoms in my life - a vague sense of worrying especially about my future, lack of focus even obvious in the daily tasks that I do, words that betray my real priorities in life. (Which leads to BD's stern rebuke on my worldly values that stumble people just days ago. =P)
Does it come from a false sense of superiority about knowing 'the right things' to do (like they'll bring us closer to Christ)? Or perhaps that the world's delights are so much more seductive than the solid joys of being under God's wings that I sometimes run from His presence? Or maybe it is just that the immediate satisfaction of admiration from people now far outweigh the delayed gratification of praise from our Lord?
"Dear God, Father of Jesus and me because of Him. In Your wisdom, You chose the foolish things of the world to shame the proud. I am sorry for my impetuous judgement that comes from superficial knowledge. Thank you for this season of teaching me to focus on taking away the plank in my eye. Thank you for keeping your eye on me in my past years after coming to You like I'm the apple of your eye.
Grant me the wisdom to know the difference between the acts that displease You from the things that separate Your church. Help me to live by the power of your Holy Spirit a relationship with You, not a self-willed life that derieves its morals from your Word. There are far too many grey areas in life that will stumble me and cause me to fall, perhaps even fall away from You as if I've never been chosen in the first place. But I can rest in what Apostle Paul had said with the wisdom that You had given, "Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." In Jesus' name You hear my prayer, Amen."
BD: Hey you want to go for a prayer retreat?
Me: Great idea! When, where is it and who is conducted by?
BD: Just to let you know it's Catholic. But it's very good! They even have a priest who will guide you in your prayer journey and with whom you can confess your sins.
Me: [Heretic!!!!] Err... you know that there shouldn't be anyone, besides Jesus, who will intercede in our prayers right?
BD: Of course I know lah. But don't you sometimes feel lost in your prayer life? If you will be stumbled, then just go for the prayer retreat and don't go to the sermon sessions or to the priest. But weren't you just complaining that you have not been seeking the Lord enough?
Me: You may have a point, let me pray through this first.
BD: You know, sometimes I think Catholics have something right. Before SL goes for her business trips, she will visit her priest and confess all her sins, so that our Father will hear her prayers in her trip. Sometimes having someone to confess to and pray for you can be a restful thing to do.
(pause)
BD: I used to be a Presbyterian so I can say this. Sometimes, you all get far too involved in Word knowledge and pharasaic in prescribing dos and don'ts in spiritual acts that you all forgot to have a relationship and just go ahead and do things with the living Christ.
Another day:
YP: I must save more this month else I can't fulfill my giving of the first-fruits.
Me: Oh, know what I do, I'll just give my portion in the first weekend after pay day and not worry about it until my next pay day....
YP: No, I'm not talking about tithing, I'm talking about giving of the first fruits. At the beginning of the year, we will pledge an amount we will give to the church in addition to our tithing. That is the giving of my firstfruits loh.
Me: [Unbiblical! Word-faith teaching!] Hmmm...
YP: So I must save up more so that I can bless my church for God's work.
Me: Hmmm... (pondering about my priorities in money management)
Living in the joy of the truth of only Christ being my intercessor with God, my Father, most times I had neglected the importance of the sacraments in my daily life. Knowing that sacraments like confession, communion, tithing and prayer are not necessary for my ascendency upwards when my time comes, I have a tendency to neglect these sacred acts unless I'm obliged to (e.g in congregational activity.)
This leads to all sorts of disturbing symptoms in my life - a vague sense of worrying especially about my future, lack of focus even obvious in the daily tasks that I do, words that betray my real priorities in life. (Which leads to BD's stern rebuke on my worldly values that stumble people just days ago. =P)
Does it come from a false sense of superiority about knowing 'the right things' to do (like they'll bring us closer to Christ)? Or perhaps that the world's delights are so much more seductive than the solid joys of being under God's wings that I sometimes run from His presence? Or maybe it is just that the immediate satisfaction of admiration from people now far outweigh the delayed gratification of praise from our Lord?
"Dear God, Father of Jesus and me because of Him. In Your wisdom, You chose the foolish things of the world to shame the proud. I am sorry for my impetuous judgement that comes from superficial knowledge. Thank you for this season of teaching me to focus on taking away the plank in my eye. Thank you for keeping your eye on me in my past years after coming to You like I'm the apple of your eye.
Grant me the wisdom to know the difference between the acts that displease You from the things that separate Your church. Help me to live by the power of your Holy Spirit a relationship with You, not a self-willed life that derieves its morals from your Word. There are far too many grey areas in life that will stumble me and cause me to fall, perhaps even fall away from You as if I've never been chosen in the first place. But I can rest in what Apostle Paul had said with the wisdom that You had given, "Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." In Jesus' name You hear my prayer, Amen."
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Holiness, not Happiness
Separate scathing rebukes by 2 brothers-in-christ on respectively my views on singleness and worldliness had gotten me to reflect on my values and motivations in life. (Sisters-in-christ, you need to be less lovingly gentle lah. It's easier for me to get feedback from you!)
So it was like an arrow hitting the bull's eye of my heart when a speaker preaches that "it is Holiness, not Happiness that God has called us to." He uses the character of Joseph to illustrate his point. That although God led Joseph to be ostracised by his family, framed by Potiphor's wife and thrown into prison, how God had used those circumstances to mould Joseph into a man who went on to inherit a double portion of His blessings in the Promised Land through his 2 sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. (Personal Note: I personally will need to study further into this passage to ascertain if I agree with the last sentence.)
Truth is, sometimes I wonder if all the efforts of striving to be holy is worth it. Sometimes, it feels like a struggle for nothing, a sure-lose situation which unreasonably places others in a superior position which I must perpetually struggle to kowtow to. I am tired of struggling with and considering so many more factors in my already complicated mind; I resent that I must be so humiliated; I am frustrated at letting others have control over my well-being through their whims and fancies because I must defer in order that their interests are also considered.
I am tired and I'd like to not think so much. I'd like to luxuriate in just considering for myself. But then I remember my Lord and what He has to endure in order to make me clean: The Master washing His disciples' feet so that we will follow His example; The King standing silent in front of governor Pilate so that the Father's will be done; God Himself hanging on the cross so that holy wrath may pour on Him and then His created, humble man, may freely come to Him.
Even if I'm not called to suffer persecution for His name, or to bring people en masse to Him, my cross is this: Through the mundane and routine, with His Love behind me and His Holiness before me, may I faithfully trod the road of Mercy guided by His ultimate Wisdom.
So it was like an arrow hitting the bull's eye of my heart when a speaker preaches that "it is Holiness, not Happiness that God has called us to." He uses the character of Joseph to illustrate his point. That although God led Joseph to be ostracised by his family, framed by Potiphor's wife and thrown into prison, how God had used those circumstances to mould Joseph into a man who went on to inherit a double portion of His blessings in the Promised Land through his 2 sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. (Personal Note: I personally will need to study further into this passage to ascertain if I agree with the last sentence.)
Truth is, sometimes I wonder if all the efforts of striving to be holy is worth it. Sometimes, it feels like a struggle for nothing, a sure-lose situation which unreasonably places others in a superior position which I must perpetually struggle to kowtow to. I am tired of struggling with and considering so many more factors in my already complicated mind; I resent that I must be so humiliated; I am frustrated at letting others have control over my well-being through their whims and fancies because I must defer in order that their interests are also considered.
I am tired and I'd like to not think so much. I'd like to luxuriate in just considering for myself. But then I remember my Lord and what He has to endure in order to make me clean: The Master washing His disciples' feet so that we will follow His example; The King standing silent in front of governor Pilate so that the Father's will be done; God Himself hanging on the cross so that holy wrath may pour on Him and then His created, humble man, may freely come to Him.
Even if I'm not called to suffer persecution for His name, or to bring people en masse to Him, my cross is this: Through the mundane and routine, with His Love behind me and His Holiness before me, may I faithfully trod the road of Mercy guided by His ultimate Wisdom.
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