Godliness - a process, not a stagnant state

I can't believe I missed Rev J's sermon last week, I should have followed E to last Fri's service, his sermon today was so good.

His sermon today gave me the first inkling that godliness is a process in an individual's life, not a state the individual reaches in this life. The dynamic process of increasing godly behaviour described in 2 Pet 1:5-8 is actually the natural outworking of a heart constantly centred on God - true godliness. And this God-centredness is linked with hope of His 2nd coming, not fear of His judgement, because our salvation is guaranteed by faith.

It is amazing how God gives me timely reminders JIT - just in time - when I have the most need. I thank God that in my short 4 years of being in Him, I have not lost that wonder, marvel and gratitude of His work on the cross and His personal call to me. Yet the past 2 weeks have been a time of testing and uncertainty. At the point where I nearly forgot "_________ is not the boss, uh-uh", I am again reminded who my ultimate boss is and who every person will ultimately have to answer to.

Let me not get to heaven with an embarrassing burnt smell as one just simply escaping the flames, but as one who had constantly looked forward to His praise.

On the note of our state of reigning this earth under Him, here is an incomplete draft of a song resulting from homework from H for participation in a workshop in an upcoming camp. Derived from Rev 5:9-10. Pardon its rawness.

Preview of audio:

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Impossible Standards

Non-ARPC-going Sister-in-christ (SIC): I was in P's (a guy who she shares a mutual attraction with 6-7 years ago) room when I flipped through his journal.

[snip: dialogue discussing morality of going through others' personal belongings]

SIC: I came to the page where he wrote about the qualities he wants in his future wife:
- Pretty
- Cute
- Diligent
- Strong mettle of character
- Young
- Decisive
- Intelligent
- Feminine
.....
(My mind was in shock at that point in time. How can a wife stay consistently young? And how can you expect a young person to show the right mix of iron (strength in character) and silk(read feminine) at the same time?

SIC: I felt so sad on reading this that I really wanted to cry at that point in time. Sad for him, sad for me, sad for all his ex-girlfriends.

You know, CD, he is someone whom I really respect. Very manly, gives people a sense of security, diligent, disciplined and caring. If I did not read his journal, I would never have expected his expectations to be like this. Reading his journal, I sense his yearning for a devoted relationship with a worthy woman yet sets impossible standards for the woman who is to share his life.

I feel sad for myself: CD, one day, I desire to be married and have children. I'm over 30 and looking at his diary, I feel that there's no hope for a woman like me (Note: SIC is a very, very attractive woman with big soulful eyes).
....

I was sad and somewhat shocked when I hear her say this. P is no stranger to me and I know him remotely. If he, a seemingly decent and easy-going guy has such impossible standards in his inmost heart-of-hearts, wouldn't that generally indicate the checklist other guys have in theirs? I've always suspected some level of checklist in most people's minds, the revelation of such extreme expectations though floored me.

It is an indication though of the rules that govern the transactions of 'love' in this world: his wealth with her youth, his brains with her talent, his fame with her beauty; the more you are gifted, the more you expect in your future mate. To be unaware of this is to be an ostrich with its head buried in the sand, we do not have to look far to witness this in the world.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

...When we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved (from His wrath) through his life!" (Rm 5: 8, 10)

While we were still a stinking abominable sight to Him, He died for us. And in His death, He became our glorious bridegroom. It's even more extreme than say Prince William marrying the female elderly toilet cleaner in your office, or Madonna going out with the karang guni man.

Help us to look for what is important in Your sight and express true love the way you had meant.

Afterthoughts of Children's Church Camp

[Update: Amazing how faces are put to pseudonymous bloggers. Yes Hamster I understand your references. :) Probato, the intro. of you is here. ]

I've barely reached home 30 min ago after Children's Church Camp and boy, has it been very insightful yet tiring.Their boundless energy that forces me to keep up with them; The feeling of being overwhelmed when the kids start bombarding questions at me all together; I love these kids, yet at the same time this experience has helped me appreciate more deeply the gift of singleness as a blessing now as I experience a sliver of the backbreaking work mothers (happily) go through.

Children - sheets of clean paper

It is so amazing, when comparing my behaviour against theirs to learn how much of what has become socially acceptable, conformed behaviour in me. It became a real challenge then to prayerfully discern when their behaviour is simply difference in style (which would make me pharisaic should I correct it) or unloving, unneighbourly behaviour (which would make me overly liberally should I condone it). It is horrifying on reflection that there are many times when I have condoned/ be indifferent/ am too tired to care when I should exert myself to stand firm and correct and many times when I have insisted on my way when it is simply differences in style.

Experiencing them through this camp, it's amazing to experience that children are really sheets of clean paper, innocently expressing through their actions and behaviour who they really are inside. Being with them and being made temporary stewards of authority over them during this camp made me fearful of the magnified effect I have on them. There is so much potential that they can either become beautiful pictures glorifying God or spotted waste paper good for only being thrown into the trash that makes a person conscious of words and actions that are made in their presence. My limited ability with them sometimes mean that I feel overwhelmed by this consciousness and I would space out mentally and emotionally when I should be fully present for them.

Children - Expert Psychologists

They can really tell when you truly care about them or if you're just trying to humour them so that we can get right along in our timeline. My impatient plodding of a child for why she's crying so that I can quickly find out the cause, solve it, sooth her and lead our study to its eventual conclusion within the time allocated leads to her sullen clamming while silent tears continue streaming down her cheeks, while the caring words of PH after I asked her for help while continuing with the study, led to the finding out of the cause and hopefully the total resolution and peace in her heart. I wonder what kind of example I'm setting to the group with this?

Another time, my long-winded treatise of her powers of observation to a child as her strength to her question of what she should do for her future led to her quiet, "I'm observing you right now."

My, "Why?" led to her picture-perfect, "Awww" moment of:
Her: Cause I want to remember you forever.

It is also interesting to note that the children I have had the focus, time and energy to engage in or even rebuke, sometimes fiercely and with glaring eyes, were in the end the children who stuck closely to me and confide in me. Children whom I close one eye conversely were the ones who regard me with apprehension and with an invisible barrier and whom I sometimes find hard to reach. Children really can instinctively discern if you fully care for them or are simply resigned to them and their response to or withholding of love is an immediate feedback of the amount of charity (Christian love) we are exhibiting at that period in time.

God - the ultimate author and perfector of faith, ours as well as theirs

On reflection, alot of stress I feel on trying to be a "paragon of virtue" (and failing miserably in the process) is due to the fact that I'm still depending on my own strength to be a "good Christian". This had led to me (as expressed above) not being fully present for the kids when I should, not finishing up the disciplinary rebuke which I have had rightfully imposed on recalcitrant behaviour (that probably gave them half-baked lessons on what is God-glorifying behaviour), my impatience on 'flogging' the children along the time-table I have had adhered to. This gave me the realization that there's no way for me to help them towards true faith and belief and expressing a true God-as-Lord reverence and love in their lives.

Rather, God brings the children as He wills into our lives, choosing us to be His imperfect ambassadors at His perfect timing, and it is He who cause the seeds we've sown to grow or not. On reflection, there really isn't any need on my part to feel stress (although we should always be aware) about the magnitude of the effect. Our responsibility is simply to do to the best of our abilities, not caring or impatient about man-made time-tables or objectives but simply to respond to His quiet prompting about the right thing to do, which we will only get through prayer in the first place.

Dear God, help me to be still, recognize the central importance of prayer to listen to your gentle commands in my life that I may always do what is pleasing in your sight:

“轻轻听，我要轻轻听，
我要側耳听我主声音。
轻轻听，他在轻轻听，
我的牧人认得我声音。

你是大牧者，生命的主宰，
我一生只听随主声音。
你是大牧者，生命的主宰，
我的牧人认得我声音。”

("Quietly listening, I want to quietly hear,
I want to cock my head and hear His voice.
Quietly listening, He is quietly hearing,
My Shepherd recognises my voice.

He's the great Shepherd, the life's Sovereign Lord,
I'll listen to Him all my life.
He's the great Shepherd, the life's Sovereign Lord,
My Shepherd recognizes my voice.")

Eph 5 Love Story / 以弗所爱的故事

Some time back, this song was inspired for our friends' wedding which a group of us performed for their church wedding.

It holds a special place in my heart because this is the first song that was inspired after I had become a Christian and it's a song of joy and hope. The songs composed before I believed were all songs expressing disappointment when people close to me had let me down in one way or another and thus this gift and the discovery that I can write uplifting songs is a delight to me.

This is made public after the personal portion of the lyrics have been changed to protect the couple's privacy as and acts as a record of my complete Mandarin lyrics. You can preview the audio below:

Girl: Light of her smile, a stirring in him

Shy advances, first steps from him

Guy: Once in darkness, now hope arising

Will she come to me Lord tell me?

Girl: Feeling empty, will he be coming?

Heart's uneasy, why am I waiting?

Guy: Patience darling, it's in His timing

Trust in Him for God is leading

Bridegroom & Bride: God is watching, two hearts beating

Beating as one, united in Him

Bridegroom: Pledged to love her, keep her holy

Bride: And submit to him in everything

Bridegroom & Bride: Older than time, like Adam & Eve
Bones of his bones, belonging to him
Bride: Great love story, profound mystery
Bridegroom: It's actually of Christ and His redeemed

女：回头一笑 已触动他心

慢腾前进 为与她亲近

男：本是迷茫 希望却降临

梦想能够与她同行

女：孤单侵灵 心里又空虚
沸腾情绪 坐立不定
男：安定心情 凡事有定期
万事都在天父手里

新郎与新娘：神守护你 两心欢喜

齐心共鸣 在他旨意里

新郎：全心全意 爱呵护你

新娘：把我的生命交托给你

新郎与新娘：像创世记里 亚当与妻

骨中的骨 全都属于

新娘：伟大爱历 深奥的秘密
新郎：其实是关于基督与他的子民

Preview of audio:

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Special thanks to J for coming out with the chords and piano accompaniment. You've been a wonderful partner in this. :)

In addition, I'd like to record the new version. So if you're a male vocalist who is able to play the piano (preferred)/keyboard at the same time, let me know. It'll also be good if there is a recording facility. :)

I've made changes to the chords (mainly because I've lost the chord chart J has written out for me) and also because I was trying to convey subtle differences in mood (Hope you don't mind, J).

Do let me know your thoughts for this song. :)

Jehovah Jireh

I was happily singing this song, basically just enjoying the somewhat bouncy rhythm until I was given a gentle reminder, "Think about an area in your life you're facing weakness in, and use this song to express your reliance on His strength."

It was only then, then and not sooner, that the words start to take on life to me. Purely looking at the words, it looks like the author is at a spiritual high and appears to be an exultation of the fulfillment of God's providence in the author's life. However, the key of the song is in a minor which adds a tinge of sadness to the overall mood. The overall interpretation is that the author affirms God's faithfulness in the life and circumstances even in the midst of trials and tribulations.

" My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gave His angels charge over me..."

Isn't it true though? The times when we are at a high will be times when we disregard the presence of God in our lives. Going to church, what we'll hear during sermons are, "Christ is the Son of God.... yada yada yada....." irrespective of what was being said. It's only during times of doubt, times of fear, times of uncertainty, times of trouble, that we will then devotedly listen to His word and promises, depend on His strength and eagerly long for His return.

Any wonder then that God allows trials and pain in our lives (even while providing for us then) that we may not get too comfortable here?

The accompanying bible passage that was given to us may be good food for thought, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Cor 12:9)

A good reason to stay home on Friday evenings

Falling into the trap of being sucked into the next TV programme following the watching of "She's too young" (a look into the lives of varied forteen-year-old teenagers after they got syphillis), I stumbled across a good programme that turned out to be very educational.

"Wife Swap", a reality TV show that looks into the lives of 2 families whose wives go to live at each other's household for 2 weeks. In the first week, the wives must abide by the lives of their new household which is the lifestyle of the original and rightful wife. In the second week, the wives get to set the rules for their new households.

The first family introduced is a regimented family. The husband used to be a navy officer and runs a tight ship in his household. He will have a room check at 9p.m every evening, wearing a pair of white gloves to run his fingers through every furniture to check if his 2 sons have cleaned their rooms flawlessly. The sons help their mother (his wife) with the housework and the only person who does not do any work and is served like a king is the husband. The wife, Nisee, even has to get his portion for him, pile everything neatly into 1 plate and bring it to him in the living room for him to eat while watching TV. On Nicee's part, I marvel at watching a Proverbs 31 wife in action on TV. She is a full-time homemaker, gets up at 5a.m every morning, takes care of her entire household and keeps herself busy the whole day. Not only does she take care of her own sons, she also takes care of her neighbours' children, some nearly as good as a newborn. Her only fault is her tendency to check on her sons (a 19-year-old and 15-year-old) every hour, finding out where they are and what they are doing, sometimes even going down to where they say they are to find out if they're speaking the truth.

The second family, an overly liberated family, has only one rule: There are no rules in the household. Vicki, the wife, wears the pants and the children (a 9-year-old and a 5-year-old) are allowed to run their lives in any way they like. They can choose to sleep anywhere and at anytime they wish. The husband is unemployed while the wife, Vicki, is the sole breadwinner working the hours of 2pm-10pm after which she'll spend her time at the casinos until 5a.m (it looks like she's trying to escape her household huh?) in the morning before going home to sleep until noontime. The natural result is that she doesn't spend much time with her children. Because the guy is unemployed, he does all the housework around the place. Also, while Vicki sleeps in the bedroom, the husband sleeps on the couch - for the past 3 years.

The usual happens, the wives go over to live at each others' houses and the usual conflicts and fights arise when people with extremely different habits are forced to live together and the usual lesson that a healthy moderation (although it appears from this show that erring on the side of discipline is desirable) is the way that joyful families are made.

What got my attention was that while Nisee was probably inwardly irritated with "regimented husband"'s inactivity and bumming around the house, she continued serving him and his double standards quietly and uncomplainingly for the past 20 years. It was only Vicki's changing of the rules and having "regimented husband" do all the housework that got him to realize how hard housework really is and appreciating what his wife had done so far so that he changes on his own volition. In fact, faced with "liberated husband"'s wimpiness, she gave him tips on how to be the head of the household, not through the direct pointing out of his faults, but by coaching him on how to discipline his young son and letting the results (and probably his new good feeling of being the rightful leader of his family) be the motivation for his continued, natural desire to taking control.

It probably gave Vicki a pleasant surprise when "liberated husband" gave the firm instruction some time after being reunited, "I'm not going to continue sleeping on the couch, we're sleeping in the bedroom from now on.", her changing of jobs to something that allowed her more time to be with her children led to a closer family, more love as well as "more activity in the bedroom" in Vicki's own words.

It is definitely an eye-opener to see the reality of a transformed family life when everything moves towards God's order of a family. The children under the headship of the parents means happier, better-adjusted young people (even if it means "the tearing of my heart" in the words of "liberated husband") who knew they are in the hands of able guardians who are strong enough to protect them. The submissive wife under the headship of a husband, who is willing to lead lovingly, is a woman who can feel safe enough to open up her vulnerable side and simply step back and be beloved. The husband who takes on all the responsibility of directing the household gets to witness the fruit of all his labour - the flourishing, respectful family, the respect that he knows he is worthy of and fully deserves, the exhilaration of seeing things done right, the way that he had meant them to be.

Ladies against Feminism

I've yet found out what feminism is about but this web-site looks interesting: Ladies against Feminism

There's even a section in it for men, written by men: Responsible Manhood

In fact, there are a few articles of interest:

The call to the High Places- The Ultimate Romance. "...if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can.” is especially poignant.

Being your Father's Daughter- I feel that a verse is quoted out of context but a refreshing article

Thoughts on Singleness- A rehashed expression of an old topic but a good reminder

All under the section 'Especially for the Unmarried'

Appearances

On my way home yesterday, struggling with 3 people's dinner I did not pay attention at first to a big-sized man sitting across me in the bus.

Until the pink spine of a book in his lap caught my eye.

"That's strange", I thought, "that looks like a romance novel." The thought of a big man reading a romance novel was so unbelievable, I took a long hard look at the book, and confirmed that yes indeed, it was a romance novel.

I subtly took a harder look at the person, taking in the long eyelashes framing expressive, mournful eyes and the elbows, and my mind took a double-take on realizing that the person in front of me is a girl.

She was staring mournfully at a group of boys, chatting animatedly among themselves. I think I saw varying expressions run through her eyes - longing, hunger, thirst. A longing to be known as a person, her appearance overlooked as a definition for who she is; a hunger to be accepted and to be free to be herself; a thirst to be loved for who she is, faults and all, not needing to pretend that her character shows inner beauty.

I got off the bus at that point, my heart heavy. The truth is that, that's exactly how the world measures worth and success, the appearance of pleasantness, vitality, and how in-place everything about you appears to be.

In fact, that's how I generally measure the level of godliness in people's lives - the appearance of growing amount of thanksgiving, the increasing joy, the marvel of how everything seems to be in place in their lives and indeed, there probably are godly people whose lives' reality and closeness to God expressed themselves in these apparant signs.

Oddly though, the times when I am closest to Him is when my life is in the pits, either because of this fallen world's, or my own, sinfulness. Times when I am doubting, not thanksgiving, times when I sorrow, not in joy, times when I am broken, not when everything is in place. Times when I am fully able to acknowledge that yes, I'm disappointed: by people, sometimes by Your people; by Your created world, rewarding by biases not by merit; by circumstances, sometimes in violation of Your will. Times when paradoxically, my broken life is directly opposite to and least worthy of Your glory which You have directly given me access to nontheless, through Christ, my cover. Times when I am most ill at ease in this world.

Unlike the world which loudly proclaims "my peace I give only if you give me the semblence of an appearance of perfection", our Lord's peace, given not as the world gives, teaches,

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."(Matthew 5:3-6,8)

It's not the level of thanksgiving and joy that is an accurate measurement of godliness, not even the dedication and amount of service given to the body of Christ. Godliness is rather the centrality and intimacy of God in the person's life. It's only after our casting off of appearances in front of Him, that we have a chance to exclaim truthfully:

"Whom have I in heaven, but You?
There is nothing on earth, I desire besides You.
My heart and my strength, many times they fail,
But there is one truth, that always will prevail.

God is the strength of my heart,
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Ps 73:25-26)

Chuppie from ARPC

Finally, the longed-for meeting of a chuppie (chinese yuppie, thanks Cheemoth for introducing that word to me) blogger from ARPC, so I'll no longer be the lone sore thumb in ARPC who occasionally blogs/talks in Mandarin. :)

Chuppies are such rare breeds in ARPC (well, at least in my social circle within it) I thought this warrants a special entry showcasing "Mr Toilet Warden's" blog: http://probato.blogspot.com :) Enjoy.