Abundantly blessed in my job with superiors who are objective, great working colleagues, big wide open spaces and lots of facilities in my working environment and in an office away from my boss :p , not to mention lots of friends who have proven to be there for me when I had been down and a recreation that I really enjoy, I praise and thank God that He has put me into an enviable position where I feel I have everything I desire, success from my POV.
If there is one challenge I have to learn to manage, it is the fact that work had gotten so much busier and had become so much more hectic that I don't seem to have time for anything except work and recreation.
Yet even in this fully blessed position, I'm counting the costs, costs that may have become too great to bear. My increased workload means that I am either napping or doing work on the MRT while on my way to work which had taken away my only quiet time for prayer, bible reading or time to catch up with friends via smses to find out how they are doing; I feel tired and have low energy all the time and though I feel care for my friends, it feels so much harder to get involved in their lives, find out how they are doing to pray for, care for and think of practical ways to help them.
Whatever I have, are all blessings for God and I'm fully thankful for them. Yet, I also start to realise, how the fuller meeting of our desires here on earth, can make us less aliens and more at home in, and more conforming to the values of this world. No wonder Jesus has said, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God." (Matt 19:24)! A verse though that ends with hope because he added, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matt 19:26)
May God grant me the wisdom and strength to make wise decisions so that I may live out the chief end of man - which is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Knowing You, Jesus...
Knowing You
Graham Kendrick
All I once held dear, built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own
All I once thought gain, I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this....
Singing this song in church made me reflect upon my changed values once I've known Him, and to marvel at the person that I am now that I am in Him. The things that I once run after, that would make the foundations, that I once chased after in life - that one love, wealth, ideal family, model and talented children, popular and sought-after friends - all these things were the things that I've hungered for and that I strive to obtain.
The world would probably look at me as a sad failure - an aging, single woman with no potentials hanging in the horizon or much wealth to boast about. And many years ago, as a person with worldly values, that would probably have been an anxiety, an obsession, the dark cloud hanging over my life. But as I remember the God who save me, the Friend who loved me and the Man who had wooed me and won my eternal soul, I have nothing but joy and thanksgiving for the:
- treasure that no eye has seen, and no ear has heard, and no mind has ever conceived
- inheritance that is everlasting and that will not pass even if man and his glory shall pass away
- joy He has set before me, when one day He will wipe the tears from my eyes of every wrong I have to endure and every persecution that was thrown my way.
I already have everything I need for life.
And that is why, I can sing with my whole heart:
Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing
You're my all, you're the best
You're my life my righteousness
And I love You Lord....
There is no greater thing
You're my all, you're the best
You're my life my righteousness
And I love You Lord....
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Sweet Surrender
I must say that sometimes I am guilty of deliberately ignoring the sacred labour of reading His Word and praying just so that I can experience that sweet surrender of feeling the lifting of my burden and of rest as I come back to trust Him on His Word and Promises after a protracted period of being away from Him (not recommended definitely.) There is just something of a huge relief to confess my sins to the Man who had been tempted but did not sin, to come before Him and be accepted just as I am, and to experience the forgiveness of my sins and renewed strength and determination (in His Grace, not my work) to do the good that He has purposed in my life. (May I never quench His Holy Spirit!)
When I shove Him into a corner, I am naturally driven by my traditional Chinese upbringing of being wary of people’s motives, thinking the worst of people’s intentions and ultimately, simply protecting myself from hurts and pains that can be caused when 2 individuals’ self-interests collide. Life is tiring, difficult and a pain as I would have to always strive to put on an appearance of radiance, excellence and competence so that I may be admired which would be quickly followed by material and physical advancement. Long term though, it can be draining and meaningless as I wondered what I was doing this for.
Somehow, in Him, life’s cause and effects seemed to be much less important. When a work that I had laboured over was cloistered in a lonely corner, seemingly deliberately neglected, to the extent that my colleagues wanted to fight for my work’s right to be placed in the centre of the hall, although I really appreciated my colleagues’ pain on my behalf and feel a pang of under-appreciation, it somehow affected me less than the satisfaction that I had done my best, that I had gained a lot of colleagues’ care and support in this work and that I had simply devoted the results into His hands, letting Him do as He see fit with the finished product.
All this could only be achieved by His Spirit’s teaching us that there is life after this life, and there is a reward in an eternal inheritance that will never rust, nor be eaten away by moths. That inheritance is God Himself, as He pleasured in giving us His presence, dying for us so that we may have a relationship with Him, resurrecting for witnesses to see so that we may know He really has power to achieve what He has said He would do and living in us, sinful flesh that we are. And in Him, there is joy, joy, joy!
Other than that is the awareness that I really cannot do the good that He had meant for me to do, that I am fully and totally dependent on His Strength and His Grace, to live the high calling He has called us to.
And I know that my feeling of rest in Him lies not the sinking sand of man’s philosophy and man’s false comfort, but in the truth of His Word promised thousands of years ago when His prophet cried (Isa 55):
"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
When I shove Him into a corner, I am naturally driven by my traditional Chinese upbringing of being wary of people’s motives, thinking the worst of people’s intentions and ultimately, simply protecting myself from hurts and pains that can be caused when 2 individuals’ self-interests collide. Life is tiring, difficult and a pain as I would have to always strive to put on an appearance of radiance, excellence and competence so that I may be admired which would be quickly followed by material and physical advancement. Long term though, it can be draining and meaningless as I wondered what I was doing this for.
Somehow, in Him, life’s cause and effects seemed to be much less important. When a work that I had laboured over was cloistered in a lonely corner, seemingly deliberately neglected, to the extent that my colleagues wanted to fight for my work’s right to be placed in the centre of the hall, although I really appreciated my colleagues’ pain on my behalf and feel a pang of under-appreciation, it somehow affected me less than the satisfaction that I had done my best, that I had gained a lot of colleagues’ care and support in this work and that I had simply devoted the results into His hands, letting Him do as He see fit with the finished product.
All this could only be achieved by His Spirit’s teaching us that there is life after this life, and there is a reward in an eternal inheritance that will never rust, nor be eaten away by moths. That inheritance is God Himself, as He pleasured in giving us His presence, dying for us so that we may have a relationship with Him, resurrecting for witnesses to see so that we may know He really has power to achieve what He has said He would do and living in us, sinful flesh that we are. And in Him, there is joy, joy, joy!
Other than that is the awareness that I really cannot do the good that He had meant for me to do, that I am fully and totally dependent on His Strength and His Grace, to live the high calling He has called us to.
And I know that my feeling of rest in Him lies not the sinking sand of man’s philosophy and man’s false comfort, but in the truth of His Word promised thousands of years ago when His prophet cried (Isa 55):
"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Proverbs 31:30-31
"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates."
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates."
Friday, March 16, 2007
Obsessed with joy
Being bitten by the salsa-bug had me exhibiting symptoms of dreaming about salsa dance steps, listening to latin american music so that I may acclimatise to the clave rhythm and looking forward to the next time we head down to union square. I am ashamed to say that the addiction had been so bad I wasn't able to sleep at night wondering how I could keep my balance while executing my right turn and pondering if the constant weight on my right leg will cause even more spider veins to pop unattractively out under my skin.
The joy of salsa laid in its exuberance, spontaneity as the lead designed the dance off-the-cuff supported by the follow who read the unspoken cues to react accordingly and innate cheekiness and playfulness as the couple danced (or perhaps it is the cheekiness of the people I'm with. :p ) In the year of pondering about my decision to take up salsa, I had wondered if it is something that will displease Jesus or cause me to be ashamed when I come into His presence through prayer.
An implicit question was "Is something displeasing to God just because it is fun? Does He not like it because I am happy doing it?"
My personal opinion is that most of us fall into sin because the reward of indulgence seem so much greater than acknowledging His presence in our lives. (In truth, He is in our lives whether we acknowledge that or not!) Just doctoring the figures here or there can lead to accounting firms keeping their clients who are really the ones actually paying them; closing an eye and submitting to a superior's questionable demands can lead to a favourable appraisal and a higher salary for the next year; sleeping together before marriage leads to enjoyment and gratification here and now. Yes, there's a God, but He is only a discipline master who is eager to punish when we're having fun and who snoops in order to catch us doing wrong. We can only be right with Him when we do our duty with our most morose face, surviving and functioning under the strict boundaries, rules and regulations that He has set and trying to steal that little bit of fun to relieve the tedium in sin.
But this belies the Word which says, "Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence." (Col 2:20-23)
If there is anything to be learned from the Apostle Paul, who was an ex-Pharisee (separated one - from all things) who became set apart FOR the gospel of God (Rm 1:1), it was this: That all our worship - that is the way that we live our lives - should be done with joy in Christ.
"...rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." (Rm 5:11)
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Rm 12:12)
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. " (Gal 5:22-23)
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Phil 4:4)
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thess 5:16-18)
Other books of the bible, notably Psalms in the OT and David's life example, also overflows with joy, awe and praise of God's glory.
When we became His children through belief in Christ Jesus, the doorway to God Himself (His presence in our lives, knowledge of Him) is open and that is the gospel (the good news!) The joy of really knowing God is so great Paul wrote, "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ..." (Phil 3:8)
We can do this because it is only in the true Christ (not in His gifts of wealth, fellowship, talents etc) that we can have real, lasting joy. When we recognise Him (yes, He Himself) as (not source of) our Treasure and our very great Reward, the pleasure and power of sin diminishes. The created - money, popularity among friends (even Christian friends), fame (one expression of perverted glory in a sense) even salsa (in my case) - with all their potential of being used by Satan to becoming idols or temptations in our lives, simply become vehicles by which we enjoy some of His gifts in this life. If we have them, great and praise God! But if we don't, it is also well and good.
So I'm learning and dancing salsa because it is fun, it makes me happy and it gives me a great sense of satisfaction when I'm able to execute the technical intricacies of the dance (ok, it is intricate for a non-dancer like me. :D ) As with any other gift, there can be temptations and abuse into sin - my current obsession that I'm submitting by prayer and reminder of other priorities in my life, the dance's innate sensuality (some websites refer to it as a courtship dance,) the usual dangers that are associated with clubs and clubbing.
But I know that my ultimate obsession is with joy, pure joy. And I pray that I may desire Him and the natural result of that joy even more so that the things of this world can be enjoyed in their proper time and place for even more joy and life. May I always "delight myself in the Lord so that He will give me the desires of my heart." (Ps 37:4)
The joy of salsa laid in its exuberance, spontaneity as the lead designed the dance off-the-cuff supported by the follow who read the unspoken cues to react accordingly and innate cheekiness and playfulness as the couple danced (or perhaps it is the cheekiness of the people I'm with. :p ) In the year of pondering about my decision to take up salsa, I had wondered if it is something that will displease Jesus or cause me to be ashamed when I come into His presence through prayer.
An implicit question was "Is something displeasing to God just because it is fun? Does He not like it because I am happy doing it?"
My personal opinion is that most of us fall into sin because the reward of indulgence seem so much greater than acknowledging His presence in our lives. (In truth, He is in our lives whether we acknowledge that or not!) Just doctoring the figures here or there can lead to accounting firms keeping their clients who are really the ones actually paying them; closing an eye and submitting to a superior's questionable demands can lead to a favourable appraisal and a higher salary for the next year; sleeping together before marriage leads to enjoyment and gratification here and now. Yes, there's a God, but He is only a discipline master who is eager to punish when we're having fun and who snoops in order to catch us doing wrong. We can only be right with Him when we do our duty with our most morose face, surviving and functioning under the strict boundaries, rules and regulations that He has set and trying to steal that little bit of fun to relieve the tedium in sin.
But this belies the Word which says, "Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence." (Col 2:20-23)
If there is anything to be learned from the Apostle Paul, who was an ex-Pharisee (separated one - from all things) who became set apart FOR the gospel of God (Rm 1:1), it was this: That all our worship - that is the way that we live our lives - should be done with joy in Christ.
"...rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." (Rm 5:11)
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Rm 12:12)
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. " (Gal 5:22-23)
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Phil 4:4)
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thess 5:16-18)
Other books of the bible, notably Psalms in the OT and David's life example, also overflows with joy, awe and praise of God's glory.
When we became His children through belief in Christ Jesus, the doorway to God Himself (His presence in our lives, knowledge of Him) is open and that is the gospel (the good news!) The joy of really knowing God is so great Paul wrote, "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ..." (Phil 3:8)
We can do this because it is only in the true Christ (not in His gifts of wealth, fellowship, talents etc) that we can have real, lasting joy. When we recognise Him (yes, He Himself) as (not source of) our Treasure and our very great Reward, the pleasure and power of sin diminishes. The created - money, popularity among friends (even Christian friends), fame (one expression of perverted glory in a sense) even salsa (in my case) - with all their potential of being used by Satan to becoming idols or temptations in our lives, simply become vehicles by which we enjoy some of His gifts in this life. If we have them, great and praise God! But if we don't, it is also well and good.
So I'm learning and dancing salsa because it is fun, it makes me happy and it gives me a great sense of satisfaction when I'm able to execute the technical intricacies of the dance (ok, it is intricate for a non-dancer like me. :D ) As with any other gift, there can be temptations and abuse into sin - my current obsession that I'm submitting by prayer and reminder of other priorities in my life, the dance's innate sensuality (some websites refer to it as a courtship dance,) the usual dangers that are associated with clubs and clubbing.
But I know that my ultimate obsession is with joy, pure joy. And I pray that I may desire Him and the natural result of that joy even more so that the things of this world can be enjoyed in their proper time and place for even more joy and life. May I always "delight myself in the Lord so that He will give me the desires of my heart." (Ps 37:4)
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Metaphor of men-women relationships
My determination to just watch salsa in my debut experience with salsa had me hugging my bag while seated. Until my good-natured colleague and her group of warm friends (feeling bad because I'm left out of the fun) got me to stand up to try out the basic salsa step and turn to the count of "1-2-3-pause, 5-6-7-pause" and a few basic cues by which the lead will signal to the follower what he wants done. And suddenly, I was in the middle of the dance floor, so I thought, "Ok, let's just give it a shot."
It's interesting what happened next. Basically with me only knowing the steps, the turn and cues, the lead was able to execute patterns and variations that were beyond my comprehension. I just simply delighted in being part of a unison that is working well together and following his unspoken cues, little as I know. It suddenly dawned on me that this is the perfect metaphor for the ideal marriage and men-women relationships.
With Christ mapping out the basic template and boundaries of what the dance is supposed to be, man led and woman followed and supported. It doesn't matter if the man chose to keep to a tight spot in order to consider other dances or chose to take up more space and shine so that he can become a model for others, woman simply followed, helped and adapted as long as man is within the boundaries of the dance.
There are of course other factors, that can come into the dance. What if man is less experienced in the dance than woman? How can woman humbly follow so that man can lead and yet learn to be a better dancer? What if it is obvious that the couple is on a crash course with another couple and man is oblivious to it? How can woman influence without sabotaging the leadership position of man? What if man is obviously violating every rule in the dance? What can the woman do?
And of course woman can always exercise her choice of "No" even as it is man's prerogative to initiate. When a player, a wolf in sheep's clothing, a predator wants to initiate a dance with you or even if a decent guy were to choose to initiate a dance that you believe to be against His will, you can choose to diplomatically refuse.
And of course there is this unspoken rule that is generally true in this male-led dance, "When things go awry, it's never the lady's fault." =D
These could be some considerations of the lead:
i) How much does she know, and how complex can my dance design be so that she can follow?
ii) Where are the empty spaces I can lead the lady to?
iii) How tall is she and where can I hold her so that she is comfortable?
iv) How firm/gentle should my hold be so that she is comfortable yet allow for clear signalling?
v) How can I teach her new moves so that she looks good?
The successful dance is the basic premise of the man and woman moving well together. So, do you dance? ;)
It's interesting what happened next. Basically with me only knowing the steps, the turn and cues, the lead was able to execute patterns and variations that were beyond my comprehension. I just simply delighted in being part of a unison that is working well together and following his unspoken cues, little as I know. It suddenly dawned on me that this is the perfect metaphor for the ideal marriage and men-women relationships.
With Christ mapping out the basic template and boundaries of what the dance is supposed to be, man led and woman followed and supported. It doesn't matter if the man chose to keep to a tight spot in order to consider other dances or chose to take up more space and shine so that he can become a model for others, woman simply followed, helped and adapted as long as man is within the boundaries of the dance.
There are of course other factors, that can come into the dance. What if man is less experienced in the dance than woman? How can woman humbly follow so that man can lead and yet learn to be a better dancer? What if it is obvious that the couple is on a crash course with another couple and man is oblivious to it? How can woman influence without sabotaging the leadership position of man? What if man is obviously violating every rule in the dance? What can the woman do?
And of course woman can always exercise her choice of "No" even as it is man's prerogative to initiate. When a player, a wolf in sheep's clothing, a predator wants to initiate a dance with you or even if a decent guy were to choose to initiate a dance that you believe to be against His will, you can choose to diplomatically refuse.
And of course there is this unspoken rule that is generally true in this male-led dance, "When things go awry, it's never the lady's fault." =D
These could be some considerations of the lead:
i) How much does she know, and how complex can my dance design be so that she can follow?
ii) Where are the empty spaces I can lead the lady to?
iii) How tall is she and where can I hold her so that she is comfortable?
iv) How firm/gentle should my hold be so that she is comfortable yet allow for clear signalling?
v) How can I teach her new moves so that she looks good?
The successful dance is the basic premise of the man and woman moving well together. So, do you dance? ;)
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