What really matters

It is a struggle to remember that Christians are only sinful people who had realized their innate unworthiness, and come to acknowledge and accept hungrily the love and sacrifice God had made on our behalf. (Remember it was not the 'righteous' but the tax collecters and prostitutes who come to Him!)

Thus the many times we would observe, or even personally experience the times when our fellow brothers or sisters in Christ or even ourselves, had fallen short of standards and hurt the innocent people around.

I had observed how the lack of ethics of a real estate agent had hurt my father financially, (how I cringe everytime my mother mentioned that she is a Christian) but also praise God for Singapore's just legal system which we are depending on now for our justice.

My friends had shared how their Christian bosses, model citizens in church, had been dishonest in business and mean to their subordinates and juxtaposed the irony of decency exemplified by their non-Christian supervisors.

Even in gatherings where Charismatics and the Conservatives congregate, the undercurrents are strong. "Emotional Imbeciles", snort one group, "Arrogant Pharisees", sniff the next. Differences rather than similarities categorise our Family.

Sometimes, we are hurt simply by the lack of care and concern of our family in Christ when it had really mattered. It was most probably unintentional and unthinkingly which was proven by their response of concern when they were made aware of how it had affected us.

Yet though the prayer is to be loving, trusting and not keep any records of wrongs, it is hard to let them into your heart again, much as they are striving to show care for you. The ice around the heart is the impenetratable wall. The temptation then is to focus on the old habits of concentrating on making ourselves better, stronger and self-sufficient so that we would never be vulnerable again.

What really matters though, is that God Himself, will never let us go. ("God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." - Heb 13:5) Much as we think we are alone, much as we think we are isolated, Jesus will never let go of the sheep that are placed into His care.

Though the heart had ached when all our supports were gone: when your job had hung on the line, when your friends had seemingly abandoned you, when your self-esteem laid crushed and you are fully broken: As if He scoffs at shallow attachments formed simply by similar interests and personalities and to proclaim, "It is I alone who will deliver you", the miracle of the other people He had brought into our lives to be our crutch, to be our pillar, to bring that spark of joy and hope into you again proved to be an occasion for great thanksgiving to His name.

On earth right now, where ever it may be, in the most remote villages, on the highest mountains, or even when your life hung by a thread as you fought to stay afloat in the fast-flowing river, there is no such thing as "god-forsaken", this word will only apply to hell.

Then how should we be responding? Christian fellowship? What exactly is Christian fellowship then? If not similar interests, if not complementary personalities, if not common activities, then what?

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." - John 15:12-17

Dear Lord, how hard is your command. But as your Spirit is with me, as You have promised "that the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.", help me to obey.

"I can't pray"

"A person who is facing death has lots of energy. Even as a non-swimmer, after having pulled myself for half an hour to the bank using a rope, walked for an hour and THEN still having to kayak downstream and capsized AGAIN, when I saw light streaming in from above, I just kicked hard in the stream towards the light. I grabbed the black thing that is hanging above with half the fear that it is one of those giant millipedes I see around me in the country everyday and by God's grace, it turned out to be a sturdy branch which I hung on for dear life, against the huge current that is threatening to sweep me away."

"I looked around for my kayaking partner, Sam, but he was nowhere in sight. Suddenly, something bumped against my back and reflexively I grabbed hold of it. It turned out to be Sam's leg. After a long time, with one hand hanging on to the sturdy branch and the other grabbing his leg, he said, "Sara, my shoulders are killing me, just let me go.""

"In such a place as this, you don't want to die alone, you want to die in pairs. So I shouted at him, "Siao ah, better that your shoulders are killing you than you get eaten by crocodiles or get cut by sharp objects. Come, come, let's pray.""

"I can't pray." (He later told me that as a C*******, because of the fact that he had sworn alot and had taken the Lord's name in vain, he was disallowed from praying.)

"What do you mean, you can't pray? You can speak right? Just talk to God lah. Come, quick, let's pray."

"You know, prayers really work wonders. Having hung on there for so long and no help had come, once we prayed, a jetskier came by and we were able to take his jetski back to safety."

It was a shock to me that the pull of an institution can be so great, that even in the most desperate situation, a person can refuse to talk with God just because he was barred (by people) from doing so - even if God can be his only help then.

What is sobering for me though, is how easily, we - mere sand and breath - will give up the privilege of prayer to the Almighty God, our maker for unworthy things - the same way that Esau gives up his birthright to Jacob for bread and lentil stew. Sam "gave up" his privilege to pray perhaps for pride ("You suspend my privilege to pray? Ok lah, see how much I care."); perhaps so that he can continue to 'belong' to the institution he had always been in.

How often have we chosen fellowship with a group just so that we can belong and disregarded whether it is pleasing to God?

"Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD." (Ps 89:15) Perhaps that should be our mediation and our goal for "if God is for us, who can be against us?" (Rm 8:31)