"I can't pray"

"A person who is facing death has lots of energy. Even as a non-swimmer, after having pulled myself for half an hour to the bank using a rope, walked for an hour and THEN still having to kayak downstream and capsized AGAIN, when I saw light streaming in from above, I just kicked hard in the stream towards the light. I grabbed the black thing that is hanging above with half the fear that it is one of those giant millipedes I see around me in the country everyday and by God's grace, it turned out to be a sturdy branch which I hung on for dear life, against the huge current that is threatening to sweep me away."

"I looked around for my kayaking partner, Sam, but he was nowhere in sight. Suddenly, something bumped against my back and reflexively I grabbed hold of it. It turned out to be Sam's leg. After a long time, with one hand hanging on to the sturdy branch and the other grabbing his leg, he said, "Sara, my shoulders are killing me, just let me go.""

"In such a place as this, you don't want to die alone, you want to die in pairs. So I shouted at him, "Siao ah, better that your shoulders are killing you than you get eaten by crocodiles or get cut by sharp objects. Come, come, let's pray.""

"I can't pray." (He later told me that as a C*******, because of the fact that he had sworn alot and had taken the Lord's name in vain, he was disallowed from praying.)

"What do you mean, you can't pray? You can speak right? Just talk to God lah. Come, quick, let's pray."

"You know, prayers really work wonders. Having hung on there for so long and no help had come, once we prayed, a jetskier came by and we were able to take his jetski back to safety."

It was a shock to me that the pull of an institution can be so great, that even in the most desperate situation, a person can refuse to talk with God just because he was barred (by people) from doing so - even if God can be his only help then.

What is sobering for me though, is how easily, we - mere sand and breath - will give up the privilege of prayer to the Almighty God, our maker for unworthy things - the same way that Esau gives up his birthright to Jacob for bread and lentil stew. Sam "gave up" his privilege to pray perhaps for pride ("You suspend my privilege to pray? Ok lah, see how much I care."); perhaps so that he can continue to 'belong' to the institution he had always been in.

How often have we chosen fellowship with a group just so that we can belong and disregarded whether it is pleasing to God?

"Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD." (Ps 89:15) Perhaps that should be our mediation and our goal for "if God is for us, who can be against us?" (Rm 8:31)