At rest

For a long time, I had felt unease about my relationship with SO. Although I had ascertained (to the best of my ability) that he is truly saved before going out with him, there had been this sense of niggling doubt whether I can really trust his headship and to depend on him spiritually. This heart of unrest had led to many sinful throwing of tantrums, whining, nagging and harsh, spontaneous and deliberate words designed to hurt and break the spirit - all on my part.

But all these changed after our personal bible study yesterday. And what is surprising is that this feeling of being at rest spiritually with him, comes from his respectful sharing of his discomfiture with my church after visiting it with me for nearly 2 years.

Note: These heartfelt comments had to be taken against the background that we both agree that my church is preaching God's Word. Heavily edited and summarised version of what he had said.

"The greater emphasis by your church is on what we *should* (emphasis mine) do, as believers in Christ. That is right, not wrong. However, what it has led to in me personally, is a focus on myself, my failings and to fear. And we know there is nothing we can do that will ever reach God's standard. What has helped me rather so far, is my awareness that Jesus is constantly present with me, and that He accepts me and whatever requests I bring to Him always. Then I am able to do what is preached in James, which is a natural response of faith in Him to be in me and constantly around me."

For some reason, despite the fact that he is not totally comfortable with my "spiritual home", his words laid to rest my worries about him leading me spiritually. Long and arduous may be our spiritual journey as we continue to discuss and debate the many, many differences in our understanding of His Word and how that should work in actual applications in our lives, but even this no longer matters.

For I know that Jesus is with us, as He is with him.