Fruitlessness

"I know I'm going to heaven only because I believe in Christ's sacrifice on the cross for me." Joy welled in my heart as I was saying this.

The two petite women who had knocked on my door asking if I'd like them to conduct bible study classes in my house look bewildered and troubled, both at my words and the expression that must have been on my face. That set alarm bells ringing for me. "Which church do you come from?"

"Jehovah's witnesses. Have you heard about us?"

"I've not heard about you all but I've read up a bit about you. Perhaps you can clarify where I've understood wrongly. What do you know about Jesus?"

"He is a perfect being that had come down to earth."

"Do you believe He's God?"

"He's not God Almighty, he's a perfect being who is created by God."

"If he's not God, what makes you believe that His death is sufficient to cover our sins?" Somehow, the verse Col 2:9 kept flashing in my mind from this point on yet doubt kept me quiet.

"He's a perfect being, he's an angel."

"Lucifer was an angel yet would you believe that he is sufficient for your sins? Not to forget in the great heavenly rebellion, 1/3 of the angels fell and become demons."

"God Almighty himself chooses the perfect sacrifice for our sins."

"Of course, but do you think that any being will be sufficient for God's holy standard? Wouldn't God alone be sufficient for His own standards?"

"We'll come back later to talk with you and your family."

"Ok, but before you go, I have some materials for you."

My head was in a whirl and doubt and confusion clouded my mind. Stumbling into my room, the first materials I happened across are printed notes which explained the concept of trinity. (Praise God!) I grabbed blindly, all three chapters on the trinity and handed it to them. "Read this before you come again and I'll be glad to discuss scripture together."

My hands were still shaking an hour later. Anger and guilt equally mixed as my mind grappled with the fact that misguided Christian groups are so active in spreading the 'good news' yet I, a truth-bearer, am doing nothing to further His kingdom - not because I have to but of a loving will. I was further frustrated when checking on Col 2:9 to find it reads "For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form..."

How many people have I shared the news of the kingdom with?

("Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."" - Matt 28:18-20)

This nagging feeling that I should be doing more came when I first heard sharing from a charismatic pastor. Vaguely holding traces of supercilious arrogance that charismatics do not know the whole doctrine, this perception was further consolidated by his speech characterised by non-standard English. Yet his sharing humbled me. An ex-drug addict and ex-convict and professing to still bear the tattoos of his past as a gang member, he nevetheless single-handedly founded a profitable social enterprise that mostly employs reformed, male ex-convicts. He may not be a theological giant, perhaps his knowledge only extends to the necessity of believing and accepting the truth that Jesus died on the cross for us and is fully acceptable, his faith may even extend (controversially) to belief that because he serves the true God, miracles is promised in his work, yet so many people came to know about the forgiveness of Christ by his living out the giving of second chances to ex-convicts.

("He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him." - 1 Cor 1:28-29)

How many lives have I touched?

This feeling was reinforced when I met a brother-in-christ and heard about how he notices subtle signs that his family is becoming more curious for christ. Although we were similarly lamenting 4-5 months back how we are the only Christians in the family, he had gone on to think about strategies for being a good living witness and his mother is coming to church. His family is also noticing his increasing love for them. Although I was much encouraged and shared his joy, I also couldn't help thinking about how my darkness had covered Christ's light in my family.

Why am I so untransformed?

("You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." - Matt 5:14-16)

Not to mention God's holy standard, I'd even fall short of man's relativistic moral standards. My confidence must lie in "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. " (Phil 1:6)

I'd better buck up on prayerfully depending on His strength. :p

Prayer Structure

[Edited on 23rd April: Added international focus for Friday]

Inspired by "A Call to Spiritual Reformation" by Don Carson, I'm praying that I'm able to implement this prayer structure:

Sunday: Family
Monday: Close friends and prayer/accountability group
Tuesday: Organisation, department, charities and volunteers we're working with and their leaders
Wednesday: Church, DG, Music Ministry and their leaders
Thursday:BSF group and Believers' Music
Friday: Friends in general, unbelievers, our nation and international focus of the week
Saturday: Myself and various initiatives considering to be embarked on

Any groups I have missed out or other considerations I should be thinking through?

Whimsy Fancy or My Ministry in Work?

Many people have shared with me their desire, consideration of or even their prayers and plans towards full-time church ministry. This made me think about the value of my work because I am not called (as of now) to full-time ministry.

Belonging to the camp that considers secular work to be as sacred as church work by God-fearing individuals (am I a Lutheran or what?) by the fact that our entire lives are meant to be a worship to God, I nevertheless strongly desire that my secular work is to be meaningful and transforming of lives – whether it is through living testimony or its innate nature. At the same time, being lazy yet insecure, I dream about creating a system that will earn me an income for as long as I live.

Coming into my new job, I become pleasantly surprised when I come across the concept of Social Entrepreneurship within a week. Not a new concept social entrepreneurship is a business that supports social causes through its business activities. It can be in the form of regularly ensuring that fixed portions of its revenue are given to worthy social causes or even employing the socially disadvantaged people – the elderly, the disabled, ex-convicts in the course of normal business operations. For example, The Body Shop, championing environmental causes in its normal operations and employing backward village people in its production and packaging operations is an example of a social enterprise.

The concept of social entrepreneurship appeared to be the answer to my dichotomy – income-generating system inspired by greedy sloth and meaningful accomplishment normally requiring committed diligence. It appears to be the answers to my prayers – the ability to transform the lives of social “misfits” while potentially creating that income-generating system.

But is this a thought for further consideration, a whimsy fancy, or the work destined for me? Time will tell…

Why I trust the bible

Recently, loved ones had passed me references to 'Gospel' of Judas and brought me to watch documentaries on it. I'm grateful that it is given with the intention of giving me food for thought if I'm following man-made doctrines and concern against blind faith when I trust in the original documents in the Protestant Bible as divinely inspired and inerrant.

Sometimes, I have a tendency to regret that I had not been a Christian since young (so much time wasted!) but I praise God that having come to believe in Christ as God as an adult, I'm fully cognisant of the faith-changing and thought process.

Having first believed in Christ as God, I was faced with this dilemma and I remembered agonising in prayer, "God, who is teaching about the real you? The charismatic church that focuses on the teachings of this particular pastor who is getting special, secret revelation from you? The Roman Catholic church? The You that is mentioned in the Protestant bible? God, is the Christian church even teaching about the real You? If not, God, show me who teaches the real You and I will follow, no matter where you take me."

My prayers were answered (Praise God that His revelation is not a secret I need to ferret out!) when I discovered that all the books in the New Testament were written within 60 years after Jesus' death, resurrection and ascension to God's right hand (references here) and written either by the apostles (mostly people who were directly in contact with Jesus' ministry on earth) or people who were directly in contact with the apostles. This proves to me that these are reliable eyewitness records of Jesus' teachings and were within too short a window of time to be fabricated. The matyrdom of the majority of these apostles for refusing to deny the seeing of the living Jesus in the flesh (who is also seen by 500 other people) is further evidence that their accounts are true.

But what of the OT? Is it inspired and which version (Roman Catholic or Protestant) should be accepted? Jesus' words "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." (Matthew 5:17), "This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms." (Luke 24:44) made me believe in the OT as inspired and about Christ. The Protestant Canon is accepted as God's word by the knowledge that the additional books (all in the Old Testament) were only recognised as canonical in the Roman Catholic bible in the Council of Trent only in 1546 and that these additional Old Testament books are not part of the Hebrew Tanakh.

It is highly suspicious that the gospel of Judas or gospel of Thomas were written by Judas and Thomas themselves given that they were commonly attributed to be written in 120-170 AD and 200 AD respectively. Thus they may paint Jesus in a good light or even teach good morals but they will still be suspect as a true account of Jesus.

In addition to the bible, I had also exposed myself to the alternative versions of Jesus, the Jesus as fictionalised in the 'Da Vinci Code', the Jesus as seen in the 'Gospel of Judas', the Jesus as "quoted" in the 'Gospel of Thomas'. My prayerful reading of these materials did not give me enough evidence that these theories are reliable accounts by Jesus on how to get into the Kingdom of God.

Besides the alternative theories of Jesus swooning his way to India, Jesus' kingly bloodline preserved through Mary Magdalene, Jesus advocating freeing the spirit from man as necessity to progress, would you be willing to read about the biblical Jesus and decide if He (as shown through the gospel) is the only way to the Kingdom?

In matters of truth and fact (but not differences in personality), there is only right and wrong. After a car accident, a person is either dead or alive (barely or otherwise), he cannot be both dead and alive at the same time. Similarly, Jesus either is resurrected physically or still dead, He cannot be in both states at the same time. If by making an informed decision of this and standing by it defines me as narrow-minded and hopelessly brain-washed, then I am. But can a person be similarly narrow-minded and stubborn if he refuses to admit the possibility that the biblical Jesus is the true Jesus?

Different Visages, Beautiful Spirits

Today was the launch of an event my division is handling and similar to other launches/closing ceremonies, there is the usual pandemonium of ensuring all details are in place so that things will run smoothly and that all our invited VIPs will have a comfortable time and hopefully leave with pleasant memories of our organisation.

There was however real difference in this event from other similar launches that I should have anticipated, which affected me spiritually, more than I had expected.

The first was the fact that one of our invited plenary speakers, Mr B is a successful entrepreneur with a difference - he suffered spinal injuries that left him paralysed from the waist down. Yet, armed with determination that he would adapt to the environment and not the other way round, he denied all modifications to his home, continued living in his home which was not served by the lift (that left him having to negotiate the stairs with his wheelchair), started his business specialising in ginseng with his wife and was the first Asian to crawl through burning coals in Anthony Robbins' Unleash the Power Within seminar as part of the firewalk in 1999.

I felt a sense of respect and kinship with him when I read his profile. Kinship because it brought back memories of my own firewalk (walking, not crawling it) in 2001 as part of the same seminar and in fact still bore a scar to when I took my first step of it in fear. Looking at the 25m stretch and legs wobbly with the fear that I would fall halfway through the pit, that first step burnt away my fear and brought my mind to the sharp reality of the 25m ahead of me. "Cool moss, cool moss..." my mind went as I took step by firm step forward, my feet now amazingly unhurt by the hot coals beneath my feet. Although I no longer totally agree with all he teaches, that scar continues to remind me of the truth that focus on fear is not the solution, rather, we're reminded that "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (Phil 4:8)

Respect because I realised Mr B had to conquer so much more fear in crawling through the firewalk. I could imagine his hands acting as his feet, taking the whole weight of his body, step by single step, dragging the entire lower half of his body through the fiery pit. The heat of the coals, while unfelt on my face must have reached his, bringing the increased awareness of danger. Remembering the pain I had experienced when I let fear overcome me, I could imagine the pain and area inflicted magnified if he had allowed the same fear.

A man like Mr B made me very appreciative of the gifts that God had given me and allowed to retain in my life. His personal example also gave me the awareness that "if he can do it, so can I!" That determination to make full use of his life and his God-given faculties gave added meaning to the phrase "to live is Christ, to die is gain." It gave me the added impetus to know my gifts and weaknesses so that I may fully function in the purpose He had given to my God-given life.

The second was the performance by a group of very special youths, a dance item by intellectually-challenged youths. Their faces and mannerisms immediately broadcasting their differences, their enthusiastic styles though broadcasted their zeal for life and their pride at being part of this performance that made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

It made me realize how small alterations in our DNA or minute changes in other circumstantial factors can make huge differences in our biological make-up and how grateful we should be to be given our full faculties and thus the bedrock of our current socio-economic situation because
"you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. " (Ps 139:13-16)

In view of the care He had taken in creating and maintaining us, by His thought and breath we were made, isn't it natural that our response should be:
"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Ps 139:17-24)