Fruitlessness

"I know I'm going to heaven only because I believe in Christ's sacrifice on the cross for me." Joy welled in my heart as I was saying this.

The two petite women who had knocked on my door asking if I'd like them to conduct bible study classes in my house look bewildered and troubled, both at my words and the expression that must have been on my face. That set alarm bells ringing for me. "Which church do you come from?"

"Jehovah's witnesses. Have you heard about us?"

"I've not heard about you all but I've read up a bit about you. Perhaps you can clarify where I've understood wrongly. What do you know about Jesus?"

"He is a perfect being that had come down to earth."

"Do you believe He's God?"

"He's not God Almighty, he's a perfect being who is created by God."

"If he's not God, what makes you believe that His death is sufficient to cover our sins?" Somehow, the verse Col 2:9 kept flashing in my mind from this point on yet doubt kept me quiet.

"He's a perfect being, he's an angel."

"Lucifer was an angel yet would you believe that he is sufficient for your sins? Not to forget in the great heavenly rebellion, 1/3 of the angels fell and become demons."

"God Almighty himself chooses the perfect sacrifice for our sins."

"Of course, but do you think that any being will be sufficient for God's holy standard? Wouldn't God alone be sufficient for His own standards?"

"We'll come back later to talk with you and your family."

"Ok, but before you go, I have some materials for you."

My head was in a whirl and doubt and confusion clouded my mind. Stumbling into my room, the first materials I happened across are printed notes which explained the concept of trinity. (Praise God!) I grabbed blindly, all three chapters on the trinity and handed it to them. "Read this before you come again and I'll be glad to discuss scripture together."

My hands were still shaking an hour later. Anger and guilt equally mixed as my mind grappled with the fact that misguided Christian groups are so active in spreading the 'good news' yet I, a truth-bearer, am doing nothing to further His kingdom - not because I have to but of a loving will. I was further frustrated when checking on Col 2:9 to find it reads "For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form..."

How many people have I shared the news of the kingdom with?

("Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."" - Matt 28:18-20)

This nagging feeling that I should be doing more came when I first heard sharing from a charismatic pastor. Vaguely holding traces of supercilious arrogance that charismatics do not know the whole doctrine, this perception was further consolidated by his speech characterised by non-standard English. Yet his sharing humbled me. An ex-drug addict and ex-convict and professing to still bear the tattoos of his past as a gang member, he nevetheless single-handedly founded a profitable social enterprise that mostly employs reformed, male ex-convicts. He may not be a theological giant, perhaps his knowledge only extends to the necessity of believing and accepting the truth that Jesus died on the cross for us and is fully acceptable, his faith may even extend (controversially) to belief that because he serves the true God, miracles is promised in his work, yet so many people came to know about the forgiveness of Christ by his living out the giving of second chances to ex-convicts.

("He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him." - 1 Cor 1:28-29)

How many lives have I touched?

This feeling was reinforced when I met a brother-in-christ and heard about how he notices subtle signs that his family is becoming more curious for christ. Although we were similarly lamenting 4-5 months back how we are the only Christians in the family, he had gone on to think about strategies for being a good living witness and his mother is coming to church. His family is also noticing his increasing love for them. Although I was much encouraged and shared his joy, I also couldn't help thinking about how my darkness had covered Christ's light in my family.

Why am I so untransformed?

("You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." - Matt 5:14-16)

Not to mention God's holy standard, I'd even fall short of man's relativistic moral standards. My confidence must lie in "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. " (Phil 1:6)

I'd better buck up on prayerfully depending on His strength. :p