Recently, I and the people around me have been put in situations where siblings-in-christ all hanker after the same thing - and only 1 person could get it. This can arise in business (1 particular account or same targeted market), in jobs (1 promoted position) or in love (highly likely in the physical churches where girls outnumber guys 3:1).
This had led to strained relationships, unresolved emotions and tangible tensions in gatherings. All involved are highly uncomfortable and it's awkward to see the gymnastics and sensitivity involved to extricate the individual parties from those situations.
It’s simple to see (hard to follow) what we should do: To first obey what is explicit and clearly known in the bible, then to prayerfully proceed wisely with the circumstances given in the grey areas. In essence, we are simply called to live up to the 3 simple commandments as His kingdom people, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your strength, and with all your soul, and with all your strength and with all your mind", "Love your neighbour as yourself", "Love each other (fellow believers) as Christ has loved us".
The logical progression then is to first resolve the division between the 'competing' parties (doing everything within the purview of your stewardship, trusting in Him to work on the other party which is out of our control; letting go only after you're convinced that the person has personal ambitions that has overtaken God's rightful place). To truly see that it is good if any party gets the goal and (in the example of business/job) do our darnest best in God's will to get it or (in the example of love) to let nature takes its course and then leave everything in God's hand to give or withhold as He wills (because it is all His (not ours) in the first place) and trust that 'He will work for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose'.
Some examples of loving your neighbour as yourself could be as simple as:
i) Reflecting on the question 'What will I like the other party to do for me?' and doing exactly that for your neighbour.
ii) Analyzing how the person likes to be communicated to and then using that method (applied to the best of your knowledge) to move towards loving communication so that understanding and love can be progressed towards.
iii) (In some cases where it just gets too uncomfortable) Perhaps it may be to give each other space (making it clear it's not a result of estrangement or indifference) so that each can reflect prayerfully and find the best ways to love each other even more - acknowledging that both have similar and conflicting interest in the subject yet not compromising on your love.
iv) Others - you're much more creative than me, perhaps you can give me ideas for how to increase in loving action? ;)
Some people may ask at this point, "No really, practically, what should I do?" This suggests 3 things to me:
i) Firstly you really feel the bible and all its principles are not applicable to (your) real life now
ii) The subject has replaced the rightful position of God in our hearts and there is the aim of having the subject at whatever the cost - either because of personal ambition or of fear of losing out because you perceive the other party to be driven by personal ambition. It is not wrong to have desires; however it had in all likelihood morphed into sin the moment it takes priority over following God and His will.
iii) There may be principles in the bible I'm not aware of, which you can perhaps point out. ;)
Some of us may also be reading Revelations and know the guarantee of His second coming. If the above first 2 cases represent the true heart's desire, then the question is 'How ready are we to face Him and are we really worshipping Him with our entire lives as true heavenly people?'
Christ's call to us is "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26). This includes the desire towards the subjects we are pursuing, and all things nearest and dearest to our hearts as we follow His will. Christ's final command to His disciples just before He was crucified was, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35) Unlike the world, which is characterized by pursuit of fortune, fame and eros all for oneself, at whatever the cost and whatever the expense of other people, kingdom people are to be known by our love and unity in Christ Jesus. It is this faith and this alone that should warrant possible division that we may keep our doctrine and knowledge of Christ pure and right that we may not believe in an error.
In saying all these, I'm not necessarily saying to martyr yourself and give up your heart's desire to the other party. Rather, it is to give your heart's desire to God, submitting it in His care and concentrate with help from the Holy Spirit to do what He explicitly commands us to do: Love each other as I have loved you. We, and our conflicting desires are not each other's enemies, rather mightn’t Satan be using this (using you!) as a foothold to drive a wedge in sibling love?
When we focus on doing the good that He wills, it will definitely lead to ultimate joy. This will be all worthwhile when we look into His eyes and see His pleasure of us participating in His love, even if right now the world tells us that we have lost. It will not matter when we see our Agape again, whether or not we have obtained the subject of our affections. Woe is the day that unbelievers are able to exhibit actionable love far better than His own people. Wouldn't we put Him to shame the day He comes again and unbelievers regale Him with stories of how believers were divided by their own selfish ambition?
Following Him and His clear will for us may sometimes appear hard especially when we don’t know His will for us with respects to the subject of our affection, and the desire towards our subjects that we seemingly have to offer (which is not ours in the first place) to Him, seemingly precious and too high a cost. Yet weighed against what He has promised and what He has promised to spare us from, does it really matter?
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