My decision to share the history of Christ's birth at my organisation's Christmas celebration proved to be a nerve-racking 3 weeks from the time I was tasked with it such that I could hardly sleep well. Politics, navigation of religious/racial sensitivity and personal concern over how I will be perceived by colleagues in the future all made me highly irritable and easily annoyed.
So nervous was I that by the lunch time of the day (30th Dec 2005) I was supposed to share, my fingers were frozen from the cold and my hands were shaking badly. I scurried away from practising on the keyboard to finding a quiet corner with my trusty Palmie as I cried out in my heart to our Lord and prayed for deliverance as I whined about how I'm tasked with all the unpleasant, politically charged tasks.
Somehow, in all the emotional wreckage I was plowing through with prayer, it came to me to read the 'Verse of the Day' from the Losungen I had loaded into Palmie a week before. Although I had only loaded the 2006 version, I decided to check the verse for that day. This was what it turned out:
"Saturday, December 30, 2006
I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. - Ps 40:17"
No matter how many times it had already happened, the seeming full answer to my prayer still always catch me by surprise. Thus I hungrily, thirstily turned to Ps 40 for the full chapter and this was what turned up:
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced ;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.
7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.
8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."
9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.
10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.
11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.
12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.
14 May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.
15 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
be appalled at their own shame.
16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
"The LORD be exalted!"
17 Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.
Somehow, this reassured me that God is with me. Although even up till right now, I am still wondering about the wisdom and perhaps not ready for the natural, worldly consequences of my decision, yet I am at ease that God is with those who seek to glorify His name even should the actions be foolish and without wisdom - not that He will definitely shield us from all the consequences, but He knows our motivation and will be glad at that.
God is with us, even if we are going about work which we think are for His service in foolish ways. This doesn't imply we should just dash blindly into the thick of things without thorough thought but that He is our faithful God who is true to His Word ""Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we can say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"" - Heb 13:5-6.
4 comments:
Hey CD,
How did the sharing go? Any comments yet? Missed you at the dinner at Neptune...
Think it's wonderful that you still try your best to persevere especially under difficult circumstances. Glad that you could seek strength from God's word - too many times we seek an unknown "voice" to reassure ourselves of God's presence when His word and His voice have been clearly kept for centuries!
Keep speaking of His truth and His wonderful work in your life. May His name be glorified!
During my sharing, estimated 1/2 of the audience are Muslims. In view of our Acts promoting religious sensitivity, I didn't think it was wise to ask for feedback.
Where got missed? We caught each other before the feasting start, didn't we?
Thanks for your encouragement, brother. It's not my voluntary effort though so I can't really take credit, I was a little forced by circumstances truthfully speaking.
Aiyah. Didn't even manage more than a wave then I consider missed le mah... No conversation neh?
Oh... must have misread. U volunteered to share the history of Christ's birth? Thought you could have chosen otherwise... :)
Oh, I wanted to siam the sharing altogether actually... but since I must share, I have to choose the history of Christ... just no way to share on reindeers and santa.
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