Afterthoughts of Children's Church Camp

[Update: Amazing how faces are put to pseudonymous bloggers. Yes Hamster I understand your references. :) Probato, the intro. of you is here. ]

I've barely reached home 30 min ago after Children's Church Camp and boy, has it been very insightful yet tiring.Their boundless energy that forces me to keep up with them; The feeling of being overwhelmed when the kids start bombarding questions at me all together; I love these kids, yet at the same time this experience has helped me appreciate more deeply the gift of singleness as a blessing now as I experience a sliver of the backbreaking work mothers (happily) go through.

Children - sheets of clean paper

It is so amazing, when comparing my behaviour against theirs to learn how much of what has become socially acceptable, conformed behaviour in me. It became a real challenge then to prayerfully discern when their behaviour is simply difference in style (which would make me pharisaic should I correct it) or unloving, unneighbourly behaviour (which would make me overly liberally should I condone it). It is horrifying on reflection that there are many times when I have condoned/ be indifferent/ am too tired to care when I should exert myself to stand firm and correct and many times when I have insisted on my way when it is simply differences in style.

Experiencing them through this camp, it's amazing to experience that children are really sheets of clean paper, innocently expressing through their actions and behaviour who they really are inside. Being with them and being made temporary stewards of authority over them during this camp made me fearful of the magnified effect I have on them. There is so much potential that they can either become beautiful pictures glorifying God or spotted waste paper good for only being thrown into the trash that makes a person conscious of words and actions that are made in their presence. My limited ability with them sometimes mean that I feel overwhelmed by this consciousness and I would space out mentally and emotionally when I should be fully present for them.

Children - Expert Psychologists

They can really tell when you truly care about them or if you're just trying to humour them so that we can get right along in our timeline. My impatient plodding of a child for why she's crying so that I can quickly find out the cause, solve it, sooth her and lead our study to its eventual conclusion within the time allocated leads to her sullen clamming while silent tears continue streaming down her cheeks, while the caring words of PH after I asked her for help while continuing with the study, led to the finding out of the cause and hopefully the total resolution and peace in her heart. I wonder what kind of example I'm setting to the group with this?

Another time, my long-winded treatise of her powers of observation to a child as her strength to her question of what she should do for her future led to her quiet, "I'm observing you right now."

My, "Why?" led to her picture-perfect, "Awww" moment of:
Her: Cause I want to remember you forever.

It is also interesting to note that the children I have had the focus, time and energy to engage in or even rebuke, sometimes fiercely and with glaring eyes, were in the end the children who stuck closely to me and confide in me. Children whom I close one eye conversely were the ones who regard me with apprehension and with an invisible barrier and whom I sometimes find hard to reach. Children really can instinctively discern if you fully care for them or are simply resigned to them and their response to or withholding of love is an immediate feedback of the amount of charity (Christian love) we are exhibiting at that period in time.

God - the ultimate author and perfector of faith, ours as well as theirs

On reflection, alot of stress I feel on trying to be a "paragon of virtue" (and failing miserably in the process) is due to the fact that I'm still depending on my own strength to be a "good Christian". This had led to me (as expressed above) not being fully present for the kids when I should, not finishing up the disciplinary rebuke which I have had rightfully imposed on recalcitrant behaviour (that probably gave them half-baked lessons on what is God-glorifying behaviour), my impatience on 'flogging' the children along the time-table I have had adhered to. This gave me the realization that there's no way for me to help them towards true faith and belief and expressing a true God-as-Lord reverence and love in their lives.

Rather, God brings the children as He wills into our lives, choosing us to be His imperfect ambassadors at His perfect timing, and it is He who cause the seeds we've sown to grow or not. On reflection, there really isn't any need on my part to feel stress (although we should always be aware) about the magnitude of the effect. Our responsibility is simply to do to the best of our abilities, not caring or impatient about man-made time-tables or objectives but simply to respond to His quiet prompting about the right thing to do, which we will only get through prayer in the first place.

Dear God, help me to be still, recognize the central importance of prayer to listen to your gentle commands in my life that I may always do what is pleasing in your sight:

“轻轻听，我要轻轻听，
我要側耳听我主声音。
轻轻听，他在轻轻听，
我的牧人认得我声音。

你是大牧者，生命的主宰，
我一生只听随主声音。
你是大牧者，生命的主宰，
我的牧人认得我声音。”

("Quietly listening, I want to quietly hear,
I want to cock my head and hear His voice.
Quietly listening, He is quietly hearing,
My Shepherd recognises my voice.

He's the great Shepherd, the life's Sovereign Lord,
I'll listen to Him all my life.
He's the great Shepherd, the life's Sovereign Lord,
My Shepherd recognizes my voice.")