Falling into the trap of being sucked into the next TV programme following the watching of "She's too young" (a look into the lives of varied forteen-year-old teenagers after they got syphillis), I stumbled across a good programme that turned out to be very educational.
"Wife Swap", a reality TV show that looks into the lives of 2 families whose wives go to live at each other's household for 2 weeks. In the first week, the wives must abide by the lives of their new household which is the lifestyle of the original and rightful wife. In the second week, the wives get to set the rules for their new households.
The first family introduced is a regimented family. The husband used to be a navy officer and runs a tight ship in his household. He will have a room check at 9p.m every evening, wearing a pair of white gloves to run his fingers through every furniture to check if his 2 sons have cleaned their rooms flawlessly. The sons help their mother (his wife) with the housework and the only person who does not do any work and is served like a king is the husband. The wife, Nisee, even has to get his portion for him, pile everything neatly into 1 plate and bring it to him in the living room for him to eat while watching TV. On Nicee's part, I marvel at watching a Proverbs 31 wife in action on TV. She is a full-time homemaker, gets up at 5a.m every morning, takes care of her entire household and keeps herself busy the whole day. Not only does she take care of her own sons, she also takes care of her neighbours' children, some nearly as good as a newborn. Her only fault is her tendency to check on her sons (a 19-year-old and 15-year-old) every hour, finding out where they are and what they are doing, sometimes even going down to where they say they are to find out if they're speaking the truth.
The second family, an overly liberated family, has only one rule: There are no rules in the household. Vicki, the wife, wears the pants and the children (a 9-year-old and a 5-year-old) are allowed to run their lives in any way they like. They can choose to sleep anywhere and at anytime they wish. The husband is unemployed while the wife, Vicki, is the sole breadwinner working the hours of 2pm-10pm after which she'll spend her time at the casinos until 5a.m (it looks like she's trying to escape her household huh?) in the morning before going home to sleep until noontime. The natural result is that she doesn't spend much time with her children. Because the guy is unemployed, he does all the housework around the place. Also, while Vicki sleeps in the bedroom, the husband sleeps on the couch - for the past 3 years.
The usual happens, the wives go over to live at each others' houses and the usual conflicts and fights arise when people with extremely different habits are forced to live together and the usual lesson that a healthy moderation (although it appears from this show that erring on the side of discipline is desirable) is the way that joyful families are made.
What got my attention was that while Nisee was probably inwardly irritated with "regimented husband"'s inactivity and bumming around the house, she continued serving him and his double standards quietly and uncomplainingly for the past 20 years. It was only Vicki's changing of the rules and having "regimented husband" do all the housework that got him to realize how hard housework really is and appreciating what his wife had done so far so that he changes on his own volition. In fact, faced with "liberated husband"'s wimpiness, she gave him tips on how to be the head of the household, not through the direct pointing out of his faults, but by coaching him on how to discipline his young son and letting the results (and probably his new good feeling of being the rightful leader of his family) be the motivation for his continued, natural desire to taking control.
It probably gave Vicki a pleasant surprise when "liberated husband" gave the firm instruction some time after being reunited, "I'm not going to continue sleeping on the couch, we're sleeping in the bedroom from now on.", her changing of jobs to something that allowed her more time to be with her children led to a closer family, more love as well as "more activity in the bedroom" in Vicki's own words.
It is definitely an eye-opener to see the reality of a transformed family life when everything moves towards God's order of a family. The children under the headship of the parents means happier, better-adjusted young people (even if it means "the tearing of my heart" in the words of "liberated husband") who knew they are in the hands of able guardians who are strong enough to protect them. The submissive wife under the headship of a husband, who is willing to lead lovingly, is a woman who can feel safe enough to open up her vulnerable side and simply step back and be beloved. The husband who takes on all the responsibility of directing the household gets to witness the fruit of all his labour - the flourishing, respectful family, the respect that he knows he is worthy of and fully deserves, the exhilaration of seeing things done right, the way that he had meant them to be.
5 comments:
it's interesting to see how you got a different take on "Wife Swap." Before the show air in the states, the Christian-rights were furious about the show... calling the show making "wife" as property where one can "swap." anyway, there're a lot of weird families in the states, after too many shows like this, one gets tired of them. i have one conclusion: most marriage doesn't have communication (including Christian's).
Hi Lukong
Some months back when I first saw the trailers for "Wife Swap", I had felt the same indignation at the premise of the show by coincidence. A little wary about identifying myself with these Christian-rights groups because I have no idea what they actually stand for.
Having said this, after seeing one episode last night, I'd find that episode to be a good lesson in family dynamics and it appears that the show is well-produced. It is also an eye-opener to see someone who acts mostly as a Pro 31 wife in action.
You're right in saying that there probably is far too little loving communication in most marriages, Christian or not. The high divorce rates speak for themselves.
I have something about all reality shows in general since the experiment changes the person - the idea that you're being watched means you won't operate as you will. Not to mention you never really know what's going on behind the scenes before the scene is shot.
Wife Swap in itself is not a good idea :( whether good or bad the whole idea is that married couples should stay together. Period. That's what through good and bad means!
I have to say I've not seen any Wife Swap episodes that have been any kind of example. As for the Prov 31 wife, I would say this - true submission ahd help-hood doesn't mean much when you don't have Christ as your Lord.
Argh it's too early in the morning to be posting something like this in reply... *yawn*
Hi Hamster,
I had never been married so I'm not sure if husband and wife must always be together 24/7. Is it not right if 1 of them decides to go on a vacation for a while without the other?
Yeah, you are right that recognition of Christ as Saviour is the first requirement. When a married woman shows the quality of real submission and able help-hood, it does make my eyes go wide and take out pen and paper to take notes though. ;)
Ooo. Haven't seen this post for ages so my reply very late. Please bear in mind this is MY reply and my take on servanthood in a marriage.
Let's tread carefully here - it works for me and my wife that we pine if we aren't together for extended periods, so probably for us, it's because we just need each other's company more. Is that necessarily good or bad? I think in the end it's a matter of agreeing on what is enough or what is not.
But to a large extent, there should be no reason for any wife or husband to need to "take a break" from each other for extended periods. A night out with buddies doesn't count as an extended period to me, but a whole 2 weeks lazing by the side of some pool, enjoying the sights and sounds with your buddies while your husband/wife stews at home, cleaning the house, working, slaving... The idea of taking a break means you want something different or something else, even for a bit of time. I'm not sure that fulfills the couplet.
What couplet?
Husbands love your wives as yourselves... Wifes submit to your husbands as to Christ.
In the end, if one is uncomfortable with it, then the other should not. If one week is too long for one, there should be some respect to that. If one day is too long, there should also be some respect to that. Even if it ends up that the husband wants the wife home all the time or vice versa, the point again, is communication, discussion and agreement. Even if this involves real work or ministry work - both should agree before commitment is made even by just one party.
The issue of Wife Swap is well... urgh to me because who would be comfortable asking their wife to go serve someone else IN THE SAME MANNER?? I mean even if they don't sleep in the same bed, would you want to have your wife serve others when you simply don't know how they will treat her? URGH.
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