An atheist colleague made an observation today, a repeated comment that she had been making for the past few months:
She: You're glowing, I don't know....., there's something about you. You must have met somebody, didn't you? *conspiratorial wink*
Me: I might have, he just hasn't introduced himself to me yet. *wink back*
This is despite the fact that my face is breaking out worse than ever and I'm feeling greasy and bloated.
On retrospect, I probably should have responded: Yes, I've met the love of my life, the lover of my soul, Christ my Lord. Wanna meet Him over wine and nibbles* tonight?
For it's true, in terms of circumstances, I feel that I'm undergoing the most uncertain time since I've started working (midlife crisis??) and it feels that things cannot go any worse.
Yet God showed His grace and His providence especially through this trying period. At times when I feel so low, I felt like just breaking down and wailing like a baby even in the public, He brought sisters-in-Christ to me who met me by chance right there and then, just when I need them and agreed to my suggestion for lunch/dinner. I meet them at all the funniest places, E from ARPC (Thanks E (I know you're reading this), what can I do without you?) in the lift after work, SIC while going for lunch. They ministered to me by listening as I talk through my problems and possible alternatives, giving me a fresh perspective when I'm unable to get myself out of my moods and be objective.
Thank You for Your family in Christ, how can I not be in love with You? Prayerfully I can rest in Him as I trust that He'll walk me through this valley.
It also gave me the realization that most times, nothing beats just being there for people when they need me. Even if you feel you're no help, even if you feel totally redundant. Of course all these must be put in perspective of our ultimate service in Him but the importance of being there for people cannot be underestimated.
In terms of our relationship with Him, below are also suggestions that I've done at various points in time when I'm dating Him privately:
1) Having a prayer journal, the love letter with Him. It's amazing to see how our prayer priorities change as we grow, it's also a mirror for how we're transformed and a reflection of our new creation in Him. This also helped in the examination of ourselves and our hearts which are liable to deceive us.
2) Praying on bended knees. Hello, this is God you're talking with. Nothing brings home the reality of His majesty and His deserving all honour and glory than this simple act when alone with Him. In serials especially those dealing with ancient times, even the wife of the king must pay her respects to him before speaking with him. What more our God, who's King above all kings, Lord above all lords?
3) Total honesty. When talking with Him, sometimes I'd find myself trying to hide certain unsavoury details in my feelings towards people or circumstances. On reflection, I'm really just trying to hide these from myself in my ill-fated quest to convince myself that "Hey, I'm not that bad." I'd only find inner peace when I bare everything to Him, faults and all. In quiet prayer within my mind alone with Him, I'll burn with anger, wallow in self-pity or exult in pride before I could fully recognise where I have been sinful in my thinking, confess them, pray for help to be truly free from them and ask for forgiveness and clarity to see the blind spots that my heart may not see.
May all of us have a real relationship with Him that we may have an inner peace that can never be taken and which may be a light to people still shrouded in darkness. And may I be there for family and others when I should - even if such interraction may cause emotional pain to me.
*Wine and Nibbles: Aioli @ 5 Boon Tat Street, 1930hrs onwards tonight. E-mail me if you'd like to go and find out more about Christ.
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