Ecc 5:1-7

Yesterday, on Sunday, the necessity to choose a song to practise my chords prompted my notice of the song 'Let my words be few'. What started as pure finger practise soon led to zealous singing as I immersed myself, a little desperately, in need of self-assurance, in the emotion that God is a great God, high up in heaven, almighty and powerful.

"You are God in heaven
And here am I on earth
So I'll let my words be few
......
And I'll stand in awe of You
Yes I'll stand in awe of You
And I'll let my words be few
...."

I'd like to think that my brother hovering round the piano with his fingers poised as if trying to figure the melody I'm singing, and then walking away whistling the tune and my mom insisting that I press the muffler means that the music and the fact it's a Christian song is affecting them a bit.

Today, stressed out at the situation that I'm imagining is ahead in my day, I turned to Ecclesiastes, hoping to gain comfort, and lo and behold, I read the exact same passage (in Ecc 5:1-7) that I was singing so enthusiastically the day before (although right now with the realization that my understanding was not complete).

While I had thought while singing, the emphasis was on God's greatness (and thus the implication He is in control in each of our situation (and here I got it wrongly) and will be my helper, my vending machine), I read the passage with the understanding that because He is great, our King, our rightful response is not to go to Him and blabber our hearts out, insisting on justice (unconscious of the fact that this means I myself am rightfully condemned) but to listen to Him - to His command, to His rebuke, to His rightful correction in my life which should be my concern alone.

Often, I am tempted to protest "But I'm behaving so much better than my neighbour, who condemns me even when she herself magnifies my wrong". Yet who am I, in comparison to God's holy standard?

For me, it's a good reminder, that when things get even worse than normal, when there doesn't seem time enough for my commitments, all the more, I must immerse myself into what He says and let His Holy standard transform my life so that He may truly be Lord of my life.

But will I truly strive to work out my salvation with fear and trembling? I don't deny I feel tired (What right do I have to say that? Have I really that many worries, concerns? Do I have dependants who need me?) and often resent God for making life so difficult (Did He really?) I'd truly like to say "yes, I can do it" but I know I can't.

Yet who knows what God can do and the good that He will bring to those who love Him and who persevere in this love?

P.S For some reason today, whenever I need help physically today, a RI alumni (including *surprise of surprises* my brother), would be around to help me carry this/that stuff. They really broke my mindset that they are incorrigible atheists especially since for some reason, our conversation would be steered towards our spiritual journey which helped me discover them all to be Christians (all whom I've encountered today believe for less than 5 years although they are in their late 20s-late 30s). That really gave me hope that my brother can be saved, although he has always struck me as being indifferent, relativistic and having great belief in himself.